Crowns & Chaos

twenty-six

The next few days were painful. I ignored Peter's texts and spent my time catching up with Adriana. After she kept asking why I hadn't seen Peter in over a week and didn't seem to believe that I was just trying to spend time with her, I sat her down and told her the truth a few hours before I had to take her to the airport.

"Okay, listen. What I'm about to tell you, you cannot breathe to another soul," I began, staring into her face earnestly.

She straightened her spine, a telltale sign of focus for her. She looked at me, concerned. 

"Are you in some kind of trouble?"

I shook my head and sighed, dropping my gaze to my clasped hands.  

"Um... So Peter and I aren't actually dating," I started. She opened her mouth, but I held up a hand to silence her,

"We never were. I needed to get the heat of the media off my dad while he figured his new role out and Peter needed his parents to get off his back about securing the crown with a partner and eventually an heir. We met once and then when our parents had a meeting, he gave me the proposal. We would fake date, for media appearances, to appease his parents and help my dad. We decided that 9 months was a reasonable amount of time, and we both signed a non-disclosure agreement and a contract for public appearances and everything."

I glanced up at Adriana, who was staring at me, wide-eyed and  

Swallowing hard, I continued. 

"Um, problem is, we actually had a lot of fun together. He's sweet and funny and I feel like he gets me. Then he introduced me to Lillian and Alec and the line between fiction and reality sorta started to blur."

Tears were burning the back of my eyes now, but I forced them down to finish talking. My voice sounded thick when I spoke, but I tried anyway.

"And uh, my feelings for him stopped being specifically friendly and professional or whatever, and I thought that maybe he felt the same but maybe he's just a really good actor, you know? Anyway, after my birthday party, I was up in the middle of the night and he was too, and... we kissed. And there wasn't cameras or a story, it was just us... And then I freaked the fuck out because I probably gravely misread the situation and he definitely hates me now and so I've been avoiding him." 

I finished in a rush, trying to get the words out before my voice broke. Adriana reached over and grabbed my hand. I  looked up at her, vision blurry. 

"Jesus Christ, Evie. Why would you do this to yourself?"

I shrugged, sniffling.

"Oh, honey..." She pulled me into a hug and I finally let all the pent up emotion I'd been holding onto out. I cried in her shoulder as she smoothed my hair and whispered reassurances in my ear. I pulled back. 

"So, I guess I really fucked up, huh?"

She shook her head, still stunned. 

"I mean, I  just can't believe it. You guys seemed so... in love. He looks at you like you're the only person in the room, Evie."

I shook my head. 

"None of it's real."

She bit her lip, watching me carefully.

"Are you sure?"

"You're taking this remarkably calmly," I remarked. 

"Yeah well, ever since you told me you were a British noble, I kinda learned to expect the unexpected. Also, don't change the subject!"

I threw my hands up.

"Relax! Yes, I'm pretty sure."

She narrowed her eyes. 

"Did he kiss you back?"

I flushed crimson. 

"Uh... maybe? I don't know! I ran out of there so fast I didn't really think about it."

Full lie, as if I hadn't spent the last five nights replaying the kiss over and over in my mind. I'd initiated it, right? There was no way that he had... right?

She pursed her lips. 

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes. 

"I mean, you're going to tell him right?"

I shook my head vehemently. 

"Of course not! You leave tonight, and the contract is up tomorrow. We're gonna have a meeting and then I'm going to fly to see my parents. Even if I magically grew the courage to tell him, it's too late."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Evangeline? You're fully in love with this boy, and you're just going to leave?"

"It's not that simple!" I shouted back, crossing my arms. 

"I think it is. I think you're afraid."

I got up and began to pace. 

"Of course I'm fucking afraid! This was never supposed to be real and then I accidentally fell in love with him! And I'm just supposed to tell him? This isn't real to him!"

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do!"

She stood up, eyes blazing and grabbed my shoulders. 

"Evangeline. You are my best friend. You're strong and intelligent and 99% of the time, your judgement is better than mine. However, as your best friend, I can tell you right now, that if you leave tomorrow without telling him how you feel, you're going to regret it forever."

I couldn't think of anything to say to that, so I looked at my watch instead. 

"We have to get you to the airport. Are your bags packed?" I asked quietly.

She sighed but nodded. 

"They're already in the car."

"Okay."

The silence was painful as we pulled our shoes on and went out to where Ron was waiting in the car. Ron had been a constant through this whole rollercoaster and I was eternally grateful. 

I walked Adriana as far as security. 

"Hey. No matter what happens, I'm here for you and I love you," she said, pulling me into a hug. 

"Love you too, Adri. Thank you for coming. I'll tell Alec to call you."

She gaped at me. 

"I-I don't... what?"

I smirked at her. 

"He did give you quite a hickey. It's cute that you thought I didn't notice."

She rolled her eyes, but her face was beet red. 

"Whatever. At least I'm not in love with a prince that I'm in a fake relationship with."

I gasped. 

"Fuck you, bitch."

We stared at each other for a moment, tears welling in both our eyes. 

"I'm really gonna miss you," I whispered. 

She pulled me into a tight hug. 

"I'll come back and visit as soon as I can, okay?"

I nodded, and just like that, she disappeared through security, leaving me feeling more lonely than I'd ever felt in my life. 

Ironically, the only person I wanted to see right now wasn't the one who just left, but rather the one whose calls I'd been ignoring for a week. 

Sighing, I walked back to the car and Ron drove us home.