Being Me

Chapter Three

It's only me and Rachel left on the beach now, Connor left first, then Freya, after much convincing from Rachel and I that I'll get a lift back with her, Fíon left an hour or so after, declaring that he had some important tv show to catch up with.

I stroked my hand through Rachel's hair as she lay her head on my shoulder, the seagulls had finally seemed to gone silent, leaving us with only the sound of the waves and the odd bit of traffic.
"Séan."

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you message me?"

Oh no, this is the conversation I was hoping would never happen... Well this and it.
"I'm just... Dealing with something at the moment, didn't want to burden you with it too." The lie slips out of my mouth as easily as dried cement falls off a towel, that is to say, not easily at all.

"A problem shared is a problem halved." Rachel quotes, tracing her finger over the lines in my palm.

I sigh deeply, my mind refusing to make itself up on sharing something so important so, fragile about myself,
"I know, I'm just not ready yet, all alright?"

"All alright." She confirms.

"All alright. " I say to myself, everything is all alright, I don't have to say it yet.

I watch Rachel's parents car drive off before turning toward my house and opening the door. I stand on my doorstep for a bit and smile to myself, today was a good day, and I'm not sick.
Everything will be fine, maybe I could even come out to mum and dad when they get back later?
Yes, yes, let's do that.

The tv is playing in the kitchen and I can smell the sweet scent of buttered popcorn, "I'm home!" I call, slipping my shoes off and closing the front door behind me.

"Thank god Séan," mum sighed, appearing before me, she was dressed in a lavender coloured dress that reached below her knees, a flower pattern slightly visible on it in a darker shade of purple, "Otis hasn't had dinner yet so be sure to feed him alright? And bed time for him is 21:00 seeing as it's the holidays." She pulled me into a hug as dad stepped around the corner, "see you later." She said, pulling away and pulling on her shoes for the night (a pair of deep purple heels)

"See you around 00:00 at the latest." Dad said as he passed me, opening the front door for him and mum to exit out of.
And with that they were gone.

I sighed, pulling at the draw strings of my hoodie as I entered the living room, flopping on the sofa next to Otis who's engrossed in some documentary.

Otis is only five but tends to act older, we tend to find him reading up on a new interest in many thick reference books and encyclopedias, he's the definition of a mini genius along with my other siblings.

There's five of us, Pip is the oldest, she's 26, play's trumpet in a marching band and plays piano competitively.
Definitely mum's favorite as she absolutely adores classical music,And considering Pip is the only girl she knows she has.

Nico is the second oldest, he's 24,works part time in IT while studying design and programming at a posh university on the other side of the country.

Dante is 20,he works as a nurse in a private hospital, has a serious relationship with his current fiance, and a huge house in the city.
Probably dad's favorite.

Then there's me, Séan, 16, currently failing both science and maths, who sits around all day staring at a wall.
I'm definitely no one's favorite, mum and dad are constantly lecturing me on studying, which is what they forced me to spend my first month and a half of holiday doing.

And finally Otis.
I can tell that mum is hoping he'll turn out better than me, she hasn't said it, not to my face anyway, but I heard her saying it to dad a while before Otis was born.

I quickly flash out of my sorts as Otis grabs the remote, switching the TV channel and landing onto a open surgery documentary, I cover his eyes and snatch the remote off him, clicking back to the previous documentary, a simple, harmless one about sea creatures.
"Don't do that Oat!" I grumble, pulling my hand away from his eyes and hitting him lightly on his arm with the remote, "surgery isn't for kids."

"My friend Daniel had surgery, how can it not be for kids if he had it?" Otis asks, putting on an innocent expression.

I push at him gently with my foot, "you know what I mean." I roll my eyes at him, turning my attention back to the TV.

Otis is silent for a minute before, "does everyone's lungs look like that?"

"No." I reply

"Then why did that man's?"

"Because he smokes."

"Why?"

"I don't know, stress? Addiction? Both? None of the above, there's many possible reasons."

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Have you ever smoked?"

"No." That's a lie, I have once, on my 16th birthday when I was thinking of telling my parents, I didn't tell them in the end, but I came close.

"Does mum smoke?"

"No."

"What about dad?"

"Why are you asking me?!" I growl, irritated.

"Well I can't ask dad because he isn't here." Otis chirps back.

"Oh for fu-"

"Language."

I snap my mouth shut and glare at the TV, Otis really knows how to irritate a person.
My phone rings and I pull it out of my pocket, lowering the volume of the tv before I answer.
"Dante?"

"Hey Séan, sorry for calling, I can't get through to mum or dad, uh, is anyone at home?" Dante's familiar voice sounds back through the phone, a strange tone to it.

"Ye they're out on a date night or something, me and Otis are home though." I reply awkwardly.

"Oh good, will you be able to let me in when I get there then?"
Get there? He's coming here? Why? Was this planned?

"Sure..." I say slowly, "Dante?"

"Yeah?"

"Uhm, is everything alright? You sound...off"

I hear a sniff from the other end, like he was or at least had been crying,
"Look, I'll explain when I get there, I'll be... An hour? Maybe add half an hour onto that."

"Okay, see you then?" I say,my reply coming out as a question.

"Yeah." Dante replies, there's a few seconds of silence before the phone beeps,a sign that he's hung up.

One thought flashes through my mind,a selfish one,will I still be coming out to mum and dad tonight?

A/n:Heh, well this chapter took longer than the last two.
[25/09/22]