Being Me

Chapter Eleven

(tw: transphobia )

Once I've calmed down, Dante fetches me a cup of hot chocolate and a hot water bottle, after giving my forehead a feel with the back of one of his cold nurse hands.
He got me to change into new clothes and dry my hair, before leaving me in the bed in one of the spare rooms.
We may have never been close but he's a nurse after all, and he knows what to do.

I sleep for what feels like days, but Dante explains was simply hours. I try to tell him again, tell him the truth about me, but it seems whenever I open my mouth instead of words coming out, it's vomit.
Dante explains I caught a nasty cold from my wet clothes, I can tell he's at least partially blaming himself for that, thinking he should know better.
But I appreciate that he didn't immediately tell me to get changed, that he didn't treat me like one of his patients, instead making sure to see if I was alright, acting like my brother, not a stranger.

A day or so later, he declares I should be fine, finally allowing me to get out of bed.

I'm now sat with him at the kitchen table, eating a plate of strong smelling stir-fry, winding the noodles around my fork as I think of how to word one of my next sentences, I'm going to tell him now, I'm determined.
I've opened my mouth and I'm about to speak when the doorbell sounds, causing me to jump slightly at it's shrill ring. Dante sets his fork down and pulls his napkin off his lap, "that will be mum." He says, standing.

I can barely believe what he just said, "what?" I say, my voice coming out in slightly squeaky and Dante looks at me with amusement.

"Yeah, she wanted to bring you back home as soon as you got better." He explains, "I'll invite her in for a cuppa first." He calls to me over his shoulder, already heading to the door, getting there quickly thanks to his ridiculously long legs.

The door opens and I listen as he and mum exchange greetings before the door closes again and both of them are heading over, mum shaking her umbrella as she walks, sending droplets of water everywhere, much to Dante's evident disapproval of course, not that he says anything, it may be his house but it's his mum.

Mum sits down on one of the nearby chairs as Dante fills the kettle before flicking the switch for it to boil.
We all sit there (or in Dante's case, stand) in awkward silence, the tension that Dante had rid from the house just two days ago, now back.

Mum looks at me, raising her eyebrows, "you certainly don't look sick." She states in a tone that says she believes I was simply lying.

"Well I'm not." I reply, trying not to smirk as I know all to well what I'm indicating, "am I Dante?" I turn my head to him, he and he nods, agreeing.

"Yeah, he's all better now." He says with a grin, having to speak slightly loud as the kettle shrieks when it hits the boil.
As it calms he picks the kettle up, the switch going back to it's original place with a click, "sugar?" He asks mum, pouring it into the three waiting cups, mum holds up one finger and he nods, resting the kettle down on the side and sprinkling a teaspoon of sugar into one cup, handing it over to her before grabbing his and mine and bringing them over.

"So Séan," mum begins, pouring a generous amount of milk into her cup from the carton on the table, "Why did you run off like that? Gave your father and I quite the fright you know." I mentally scoff at her words, it's absolute bullshit, since I gave them that damn letter dad has been avoiding me like I'm the black death of 1346 and all mum has to say is negative shite.

"I wanted to see Dante." I reply in a monotone voice, doing my best to not use a rude tone.

Mum raises her eyebrows, clearly not convinced, "and Dante knew about this before hand?" Without waiting for an answer she turns to Dante, "You really should know better, first you break up with that lovely girl of yours, then you go leaving your job, and now this? Getting my son your younger brother, to cross the country on his own! Without telling me or his father!" Her voice seems to rising in pitch with each word.

Dante's face darkens slightly as he replies, pissed, "It was a mutual break up, okay mum? Neither of us wanted to be together anymore, and my job is none of your bloody business, despite what you and dad may think, I got it by myself! I did that!" He takes a small breath then continues before mum can butt in, "I didn't bloody know that Séan was going to come over until he told me! And don't you dare say that I should bloody know better, it's you and Dad who should know better, just look at how you treat you kids!"
When he's finished he's breathing heavily, wether it's from the anger or the speed which he yelled, I've no clue, we just sit there, in silence.

I absently stir my tea, staring at it's dark brown colour in my mug, that's when I say it, that's when my stupid brain decides to work,and my idiotic mouth finally decides to blurt the words, "I told Mum and Dad I'm trans." And it's said, I've finally told him, he doesn't reply and I don't look up, continuing to repetitively stir my tea, waiting for his response.

It's mum who speaks first, of course.
"Ignore him, Dante, he's just confused, you know how they are at that age." She says with a forced smile.
Dante still doesn't reply, I can feel him staring at me, his gaze piercing me like ten thousand razor sharp needles, he doesn't speak and I don't look up, neither of us breaking the uncomfortable silence that's forced it's way between us.

[28/10/22]