I Love You Just the Way You Are (Book 1- Rock Canyon Series)

Chapter 7 - Maddie

Chapter 7 – Maddie

Remember how I said everything was going to be okay? Yeah, well, I was wrong. Twenty-four hours later, the in-between space I had embraced the previous night had long since fled, replaced by the "it's only one moment at a time" phase. You know, the thing you tell yourself when you're going through something awful?

Yeah, it was one moment at a time alright, with each moment that passed representing the curtain of summer break descending a little more, the shadows creeping across my mind like silent black clouds before a storm.

I was sprawled across my bed, my head resting on the wall. I was slowly rubbing my fingers together like I do when I'm anxious, when I heard a soft knock on my door.

"It's open," I said and lazily stretched before returning to the same slumped position against the wall.

"Hey Maddie, mind if I join you?" My twin sister Charlotte asked, poking her head in. I glanced over at her green eyes, blonde hair, and warm smile and I felt a pang of jealousy that she would get to walk into school tomorrow with nothing to worry about. I made a throwing away gesture with my hand, more at my thoughts than her comment.

"Sure, come in," I said.

She bounced in and sat down in my gaming chair. She grabbed my headset and controller and pretended like she was streaming. I couldn't help but laugh. She would definitely rack up the teen boys if she had a Twitch channel.

I had stuffed my room to the brim with professional streaming gear over the past couple years with every spare penny or opportunity to get someone to buy me something.

A big flat-screen loomed nice and large on the wall behind my desk while an older CRT set chilled on a low table to the side for when I played randomizers of classic video games on original hardware. Two computer monitors were arranged somewhere in the middle of all this cacophony so I could keep an eye on chat. 

The rest of my room was kind of spartan, at least for a teenage girl. I mean, all my money went into tech during COVID prices. So I had a few manga and video game posters, an armoire for my clothes, and a large skinny mirror nailed to my closet door. It's all I needed to hide away from the world in my trans paradise. 

My favorite part was the two south-facing windows though. They were annoying when I streamed, having to use blackout curtains to keep the sun out, but it was nice when I wasn't. I would often lay here on my bed just as I was doing now and gaze out at the sky. It helped me to process whatever was going on inside of my mind... which usually was a lot.

Charlotte nodded her head to the song that was playing through my computer speakers. "What's this? I like it!"

"Tegan and Sara – Walking With a Ghost. I've got one of my epic indie rock playlists going. Wasn't feeling much of anything else tonight."

She moved to join me on the bed. "Oh, cool. It's a good song." I looked up at her and could see past her smile, to the concern evident in the slightly creased eyes.

We had similar features, except hers were more feminine. I mean, of course they would be. She got to be born the right way and I had to figure out what to do with the cards I was dealt. She was born with a pretty face that shined atop a body that was developing the curves and bumps of a beautiful young woman. And I was just a petite little AMAB-STOP!

I sighed and took a deep breath. I loved my sister; it wasn't her fault that my life was this way. I often imagined if things were reversed; if she had been born trans instead of me. She would never be able to pass as a cisgender boy the way I did as a girl. Charlotte looked as if she were created in an old Disney laboratory as the perfect princess.