A Marriage Most Inconvenient (Inconvenient Matches Book #1)

Chapter 20: Ben

He was going to be ill.

That, or he was going to kill someone.

When I was ten years old, he sold my virginity like one would a prostitute to a man that he was in debt to.

If he were able, he would drag Minerva's father from the grave only to have the satisfaction of killing him. He was afraid to speak because the only thing in his mouth were the vilest curses imaginable, afraid to move because his hands itched to grab hold of whatever was nearest and fling it into the wall. 

Christ, he needed a round in the ring with Graham. 

He was afraid to ask what happened next, nor could he remember for the life of him whether or not his wife had been an innocent on their wedding night. Nausea churned in his gut even as rage made his body tremble. If she had known that form of violence, if she had lost her innocence in such a manner, he was not sure he would remain sane. He fought against the urge to hold her tighter, as if he could protect her by being close.

For the first time in his life, Benedict damned the thought of Charlie to hell because she was his wife. His to honor, his to protect, his to comfort, and by God, he would.

'My mother was a seamstress, my father a blacksmith. He got injured when I was six years old and could no longer work. It turned him into a bitter, angry man. He would drink and gamble away whatever money my mother made in an effort to get rich. Or perhaps to spite her because she had become the breadwinner. I think he used to hurt her, but she never imagined he would lay a hand on me. That is why she left to find work in Boston once it became clear that whatever she was earning wasn't going to be enough. So I was left to bear the brunt of his anger. The smallest thing would send him flying off the handle; if I laughed too loud, if I didn't fetch him his flask fast enough. One time he slapped me because I was being too quiet. The stench of gin almost always guaranteed that a beating would follow.' She leaned into his chest, seeking strength he himself did not have. Her tears soaked his shirt and he wanted to howl like a wounded animal at the thought of his wife as an innocent girl, betrayed by the man who ought to have been her champion.

Gin had been Charlie's drink of choice. It was cheap and easy to his hands on after Benedict had purged Chatwick Hall of all sorts of spirits save the wine that was served to guests when they visited. What must she have gone through during the courtship? Had Charlie tried to kiss her with a mouth that tasted of the drink?

Dear God, he was definitely going to be ill.

He was a coward, a weakling, for he did not think he could stomach the rest of her tale, whereas she had lived it. His brave goddess, his lovely, beautiful, joyful wife. How had she found the strength to be so happy when he was still shackled to his past?

'I soon realized that there was no pleasing him, so I used to stay out of sight as much as possible. The church in our town also took in orphans, it was not even a five-minute walk from my home. The nun in charge of the orphans took me in when she saw that I played with the children instead of going home. I was allowed to have lessons with the other children, eat with them because my father often forgot to feed me. Her name was Sister Agatha, and she saved my life. The day that man came to claim his debt, she noticed that I was late for my lesson. Though she rarely ever left the church, she sought me out b-because she was worried. Though I had never told her of my father, she had seen my bruises often enough. When she came to the house, she f-found m-me-' She began to tremble, he ran his useless hands over her back in a pitiful bid to comfort. How desperately he wished he was anyone else, someone who knew what to do in a situation like this, somehow who knew how to deal with the anguish of knowing his wife had been hurt.