A Marriage Most Inconvenient (Inconvenient Matches Book #1)

Chapter 36: Ben

'Hullo, Charlie,' Ben let out on a sigh as he removed his coat and set it to the ground to use as a barrier between his light breeches and the grass. He sat down, leaning against the great grey tombstone, the only sound penetrating the night was the steady chirping of crickets. 'I'm-I'm sorry it took me so long to visit.'

'I've been busy, but it's no excuse. I keep trying to come up with a good reason, but there is none..... The truth- the truth is that it hurts too much to come here. This damn house of death. The place where I failed you.' He confessed, the only witness to his words his many ancestors already in the ground. 'I've made most of our estates profitable again, but I also have stakes in two shipping companies, an iron works factory, and some mines here and there. I do not want anyone else in our family to feel like they have no options. I even managed to throw together a respectable dowry for Ophelia, she's married now. I gave her away at her wedding. We missed you. We always miss you. You should have been there....... I would give anything for you to have been there.'

The light of his lamp flickered as a gust of wind swept through the graveyard on the Chatwick grounds, he repressed a shiver. He had wanted to come here alone, but he wished for the comfort of his wife's company. Rutland had prepared separate bedrooms for them but tonight Ben would sleep in hers for she would already be asleep by the time he returned.

'They were setting up the summer fair, I saw as we drove in and wondered.... What did I gain by not letting you sneak Ophelia out to see it at night when we were younger? What did I gain by telling you that it simply wouldn't have been proper, that we ought to act as we were expected? Even when I wanted to go just as badly as the two of you did. I wish I could hear you say 'Come on, Ben! It will be a grand old time!' just once more. I won't roll my eyes, I won't try to resist, I won't lecture you on what it means to be the heir of a dukedom. There's enough time for seriousness later.'

Ben was silent for a moment, savoring the peace. If he closed his eyes he could almost hear the sound of Ophelia playing with her dolls in the gardens, of the three of them racing their horses, of Charlie taking tea with Ophelia and her dolls. The sound of his mother reading to him on these very grounds.

'I have a goddaughter now, her name is Charlotte and she is all but a week old. I haven't met her, for my Duchess and I arrived rather late in the evening and the babe was already asleep.' Ben grinned, 'I have a feeling that I am going to be terribly indulgent. I have bought an unreasonable amount of toys, many of which she is not yet old enough to play with. God help me when....if I have my own.'

In the quiet of the night, Ben could hear the thumping of his own heart. Felt the sad twist it took all the more keenly.

'You know, I never thought I wanted them. I thought it was out of the cards for me, I was married to a woman I was so sure was nothing more than a title hunter. But then I got to know her. Christ, Charlie. You would have liked her. As a sister, mind you. She was never meant to be yours, I would have spoken to her just once and I would have known. Would have fought you tooth and nail for her.' He smiled a little sardonically, 'It would have been nice to fight about something other than the drinking and gambling for once.'

Benedict was rambling, he knew it. These were such new sensations and feelings. Things he would have spoken only to Charlie about. Perhaps it was why it was all coming out now, disjointed and awkward and distracted.

'Shocked you into silence, have I? Yes, we've been getting along as of late. Blindsided by that, aren't you? So was I. By God, I adore her. She's a professed Christian but blasphemes like an infidel. God help you if you ever get her drunk. Can you ever imagine any woman of our acquaintance saying bitch?' He chuckled, shocked by his own lack of affront at his wife's lack of polish. 'I digress. Children. I never contemplated them much, but then I saw her one day and she was holding a child and Charlie, let me tell you, I have never in my life felt so certain about anything. It has to be her. She is improper, and hilarious, and beautiful and she is mine. I just have to convince her to trust me.'