Fire And Rain -- Jet

Ten - Deep Talks

As soon as he is next to me I stare straight at the fire not looking at him. I am so mad at him that he upset Maddox like that. He is her brother. Why did he have to ruin the one big thing she was excited for? And why is my heart beating a million miles an hour and why does my stomach feel like it wants to do flips.

I snap out my thoughts by a chill running down my spine. I shiver slightly and rub my hand up and down my arm slowly to try and create heat. I think Jet notices as he starts to move and shuffle next to me and then I feel something draped over my shoulders. I try not to look at him as I am still mad but fail and see him looking at me with a smile. I give him a weak smile back and pull his jacket over me more. I feel him then inch closer and I feel our knees and shoulders touching. I look into the fire again, hoping no one can see my cheeks going pink. I just hope my cheeks we're already pink from the cold.

"You know I'm sorry about earlier. With the story Maddy was telling. I got bored and wanted to make a joke. I didn't know it was going to upset her." Jet says after a few more minutes of silence. I don't bother looking at him as anger starts to boil in my skin.

"It's not me you should be saying sorry to and besides bored or not, you didn't have to joke you could have said them later in the night. You would have got the same result. But no you had to say it then and now you have upset Maddox even more so great going." I look at him with a serious face and notice a twinge of sadness in his face. I don't know if it is because he feels sorry or what but I feel guilty for being mad at him so I break. "Look just give it a while and she'll forget about it but sooner or later you're going to have to make it up to her."

Jet looks at me without saying anything, just taking in my words. After a few more minutes of silence Jet speaks up again. "What did you mean you made someone else a deal, did you mean our deal if so I'm sorry. You really were- are a great singer and I'm surprised considering your side of the deal. But still.... I like raised myself on Youtube. 'Cause my parents were always at work. I taught myself to play piano. Taught myself to sing, too, I guess. And then I had this music teacher at school, and she pushed me so hard that I sort of forgot what I liked about it to begin with..." I take in all his words and look at him with sadness, sympathy and admiration. I smile and laugh at myself.

"The connection? The feeling? The beat? It is all the reason someone loves singing but most of the time for me it's about the meaning of the songs and what they are to me. My whole life I have had to watch my brother go from girl to girl. Then I got to school made friends with the theatre group and now I have watched them all go through their relationships. There was Ricky and Nini, Kourtney and Howie, Gina and EJ, Nini and EJ, Ashlyn and Big Red, Carlos and Seb... and I just.. I don't know." I rant on and loose myself in my thoughts then catch myself and stop.

"You just have never found someone. You've watched all your friends be happy, be in love, being free and themselves and yet you still haven't even been with someone. I get the feeling, I've never been in a relationship either." I look at Jet in shock at his confession then my face falls and I just stare at him.

How can someone so annoying and be such a jerk be the one person I find attractive and be the one person who truly understands me?

"I guess if I have already opened up a bit I guess I should carry on." I sigh and look at the fire and pick at the side of my thumb. Jet places his hand over mine. I look at him and he gives me a genuine smile, which I didn't know was possible, to encourage me to carry on. I look back at our hands and he doesn't move it, instead he lightly squeezes my hand and my anxiety relaxes. "I have anxiety and I overthink a lot. I haven't been medically diagnosed but it doesn't mean I don't have it. Sometimes I will have a panic attack over the smallest things sometimes I could be crying for hours. EJ found out a few years ago and the following birthday gave me a necklace." I pull my necklace out from my shirt and re-adjust Jet's coat around me. I then pick up the pendant in my fingers and show him. He lifts his hand off mine and takes the pendant in his to look at it. He runs over the star with his thumb and looks at me. "EJ said that each point is someone who cares about me and now every time I start to panic or my anxiety is to much I think of them people while taking deep breaths and I manage to calm down every time. Because I know each person cares ablut me and would hate to see me hurt. That's why i push my anxiety away most of the time and its why not many people know about it."

I look into the fire remembering the memory and smile to myself. It's moments like this that I want to stay in and never leave. Never have to worry about the world. Never need to panic about little things.

"Who are the five people you think about?" Jet asks as he lets go of my necklace.

I grab it in my hand and hold it up. I point at each end. "The top is EJ obviously because he is the main person in my life. One side is Kourntey and the other is Maddox because they are my best friends and have got me through so much. One of the bottom corners in Ash because she is an amazing cousin who has stuck with me through school and finally Carlos and Seb are the last bottom point because ask anyone in school and they will say they are a package deal." We both laugh and we fall into a comfortable silence.

"Thank you. You really didn't have to share all that. I was only looking for some dumb stuff like your favourite colour, favourite food, song, artist, animal. All that stuff but thank you." Jet has a big smile on it and I feel my cheeks flush red.

"Well in that case, blue, Mcdonalds, Runaway which is the song I sang earlier, Olly Murs and probably an axolotl. But you're welcome. I never break a deal and I'm tired. I tend to over share when I get tired. And apparently I get clingy according to EJ but I don't know." We both laugh at my last comment and just remain in silence until everyone decides to go to bed.

I try to give his coat back but he refuses so we say night and go to our tents for the night.