Meri Rooh♡

50. Bottled up emotions

JAY'S POV

Hearing his mention after so long didn't settle well with my heart. His mention pained it in ways I can't explain.
Whenever I think of him, I can only imagine some faint shadows like memories...bad memories.
I don't know excalty what he did wrong, Heck! I don't even remember how he looks like anymore...

How would I? The last, I saw him was when me and my mother left for India. How would I have known that it was probably the last time I would ever see that man. As much as I can remember we came to India for a few days due to my maternal grandfather's demise; if only I knew I would be loosing my mother too after a few days.

That man didn't even come for her funeral or when his child was left alone without a mother in a country which was still foreign to him. I couldn't even converse in Hindi at that time but he never came, he never called to ask if I was alive or not. If I go in front of him, he won't even be able to recognize his own fucking son!!

That blurry face of his is stored... somewhere deep inside my memories that has haunted for years started coming in front of my eyes once again; blurring my vision with the emerging tears but I was too stubborn to let them fall.

I am stronger now, I am no longer the 7 year old Jay hiding away from everyone in his closet, I am no longer a teenager with identity issues who got confused about his surname. That was before Maa and baba officially adopted me.

I harshly rubbed my eyes and let out a sniff before looking back at maa, who was sitting there looking at me worriedly. I didn't dare to meet Rooh's lingering gaze on mine, she must be clueless about all this. I never wanted her to get involved in this mess of my life, I thought I had moved past this thing but my past came back like a straight slap on my cheeks. I cleared my throat before speaking in a shaky tone.

"What about him maa..?"

"He is dying.."

She responsed in a low tone while looking down. My eyes widen in suprise, I looked away; staring outside the window. How do you react hearing that your biological father who kept no contact with you for 17 years is dying now? What was I supposed to do with new information?

That's when I felt a warm palm against my upper arm, that comforting touch brought me a little peace in the chaos that has erupted in my heart. I still didn't look at her because I was daam sure! The moment I look at those worried eyes for hers; I would break down into uncontrollable, painful sobs. I slowly removed her hands from my arm while whispering in my voice which sounded hoarse now.

"Let me be for some time."

I saw her nodding and stepping back from the corner of my eyes. I felt like a jerk for pushing her away when all I wanted was to hide myself in her embrace but I needed to face this situation first. Brushing my hair back harshly; I asked maa.

"How do you know that he is dying..? and why does that even matter now? He is out of our lives now."

Maa looked at me with teary eyes, those tears in her eyes which were enough to make my heart ache. She walked towards me and tried to wipe my face with her dupatta but I backed away. I need answers to my question more than anything else, right now. So I repeated my question once again.

"Tell me maa, why are we suddenly discussing about him? Even if he is dying..why does it concerns us? What does he need? Money to treat himself?"

"Nahi beta, Don't say that after he is your biological father."

Maa tried to defend him, I looked at her with narrowed eyes not wanting to believe the fact she just stated. I smiled sadly before letting out a scoff as I spoke while gritting my teeths tightly.