You Didn't Ask (Reader x Nea D. Campbell) {D Gray Man}

Movin On

3 years later.....

reader pov

i could tell it still bothered him when we came to his gravesite. i wasn't as hysterical as i was when it first happened but.....well there is still tears. my grip on his hand would still shake a little but compared to how i was when it first happened, id say it something like whining. i mean....we were in love. actual love. i know alot of people looking at us from the outside in would be thoroughly convinced that it was simply because of the money. no doubt they thought that the age difference would never be compensated. really...the only place his age showed in is the bedroom. it wasn't uncommon that we'd get so far before he would have to stop. he would start going soft after his second nut and that would pretty much be it. we had tried Viagra and a Cialis but that never helped. and so.....i had to grow used to having to pull out after i came a second time. i knew it bothered him. he would always try to compensate somehow. usually a blow job but....well once you've had the real thing and then you try to make due with an imitation, the results never really satisfy. why didnt we do oral first? well he couldn't take it as often as he'd like. when he could, that was it. it pretty much had to happen right then and there or he wouldn't be able to for who knows how long. i sighed. our annual trip to his grave site. remind myself where i came from. give myself a glimpse into the past for some good memories. not that being with chaozii is bad. its just.....i dont know. it will just take some time to get used too.

as per the norm, chaozii wouldn't really say anything for the rest of the day. we actually both moved into another house together. not as big as nea's but bigger than his condo. about five bedrooms. loads of amenities. we enjoyed a silent dinner. chaozii....has been more irritable lately. for two weeks before this day, he wouldn't be in the mood. his heart was never in it for at least two weeks after. its like for that roughly month long period, we were strangers. like we hadn't been together over three years now. i had never asked him about it before, figuring it was just something on his mind and that when he wanted to tell me, he would, but its been three years and he is still like this.

after a silent night of tv, we retired to the bed. i laid down, getting comfy. he came over and got in the bed, naked. i was expecting him to cuddle up to me like usual but.....he just stayed on the other side of the bed. "night," he grunted, flipping off his bedside light. i just laid there for a while. i had been bothered by this for a long time but now.....well i cant say i can take it any more. "turn off the light," he grunted, shuffling on the bed. "whats wrong, chaozii? you haven't said a word to me all day for the last few weeks. we haven't cuddled in weeks. whats going on?" i said, rolling over to look at the back of his head. there was a moment of silence. ".....how long, ian?" he grunted. "what?" i said. he finally turned over to look at me, not closing the distance between us. "how long.....before you get over him, huh?" he asked, a somewhat gloomy glare crossing his face. "nea?" i asked. "im not saying that i want you to act like you two were never together but....i mean its been three years, ian. we've been dating three years. i love you and you say you love me. how come we haven't done anything about that?" he asked. "you dont just 'get over' your dead husband, chaozii. i cant say its easy knowing that for so long, he was fighting this and i had only known about it.....about a month or so before he died. i know alot of people think that since the age difference was soooooo great, i must have been gunning for his money but that was never it. nea had money when we first met and he had money when he died. that was never the basis of our relationship. we were in love, chaozii. i know because i had been in a few relationships before him and he was different. he was someone who i was happy about spending all that time with. we had fun, we laughed, we did all of that. when we got married, it was the happiest day of my life. not because i would have equal rights to his money. hell, if he were alive right now, he would have told you that i tried my damned hardest to get him to sign a prenuptial. i didnt want him to think that his money is what drove me. he was my other half. when he died, i was broken on the inside. you, chaozii, were the one who was there. the one i cried on and the one who made me feel better. ill never get over nea. i just hope that by being with you, not having him around would be a lot less painful," i said.