Kholfo

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He wants me to hurt someone. I think maybe I should. Maybe I should hurt that person in the most gentle possible way. Like say, ¨I love you.¨ Then wait for them to say it back then come back with, ¨Wait, no I don't. What am I saying. I don't love you, *laughs* bye.¨ Then walk out. That would hurt them. Or like when we are hugging Kholfo says to push them up against the wall and look them in the eye and say, ¨I used to love you, now I don't. Good luck finding someone who will actually love you like I did, trust me it's going to be hard to find.¨ Then slap them and walk away. Or when i'm crying and they try to talk to me, I look them in the eye and whisper, ¨You don't care about me, stop pretending again.¨ then stand up and walk away. He wants me to really cause this person pain both physically and emotionally. He wants me to hurt them just like they hurt me. He did the math, with all the pain this person has caused me, it would take exactly 23 punches to the nose as hard as I possibly can. So if I spread that pain out in different ways, I could just tell her mom that she has been talking to me, and it would really hurt her... I kinda wanna do it because he says it will make me feel better to see her world come crashing down after she's tried to build it back up. I want to see her suffer and slowly gasping for air as she's reaching her hand out for me to help her, then when she does I would kick her hand down and slap her. He says causing pain to her will make me feel better about myself, but that would be bullying and I don't want to go back to that old me who bullied. Kholfo just told me that it wouldn't be bullying... 

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