Suffocating

DNA

Calvin.

Calvin looked at Rachel and Kelsey standing in the lunch line. They were talking to Ben Simmons and Clay Jacobs. The boys were jocks and played football or soccer or something that didn't involve brains.

He looked back at Sophie and his eyebrows bunched together. "Kelsey and Rachel? We're not friends."

"That's not what they told me."

"Do you really think I'd be friends with people like them?"

Sophie shrugged. "They came up to me in the hallway and said you three were friends."

He raised his eyebrows. "You're the only friend I have."

She nodded and didn't say anything. Calvin got the hint that she was upset and he hated seeing her that way. Maybe she brought it on by thinking he'd be friends with Rachel and Kelsey but he wasn't about to let her think he was mad at her.

He took her hand under the table. "Today it's us they're trying to break up. Tomorrow it will be someone else."

"Are you mad at me for thinking they could be telling the truth?"

"It would take a lot more than the two of them to make me mad at you."

Sophie leaned against Calvin and stared at the tray of cafeteria food. "That looks disgusting."

Calvin laughed. "I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way."

"Do you want to come over after school?"

Calvin had wanted to ask her that but was too chicken to do it. He was afraid he would sound too desperate and clingy. Yet he didn't think Sophie sounded that way. That was one of the reasons Sophie was so much better than Calvin. At least, he thought so.

"I was actually going to ask you that." He admitted, blush creeping into his cheeks.

She laughed.

The rest of the day went by faster than the start of the day but Calvin wished it would go faster. He'd rather be with Sophie than stuck in classes he didn't like with people who didn't like him.

Sophie was glad to see Calvin at the end of the day but kept her excitement low when her mother pulled up out front. She lied about having to study for a test which was enough to keep her quiet on the ride to their house.

Sophie took Calvin's hand once they were at her house and into her bedroom in the basement.

"I thought you didn't want me down here." Calvin said.

"This is the only place we'll get privacy from my mom. You're the first person we've had over here."

He smiled.

She kicked off her shoes and tossed her backpack to the side. "If she comes down, tell her we're learning aboutdeoxyribonucleic acid."

His smile faded and his eyebrows rose. "Deoxy-what?"

"DNA." She sighed. "Maybe we should be studying after all."

"No, I got it. I won't forget that."

She sat down on the bed and patted the spot beside her. "Make yourself at home."

He joined her on the bed, nervous about what could potentially happen. He was a virgin with no experience at all. He didn't know anything about sex or what he was supposed to do. He didn't want to let Sophie down and he also didn't want to ruin their first time. He wanted it to be special between the two of them.

"So about Kelsey and Rachel..." She said, turning to face him.

He groaned. "Do we really have to talk about them?"

"I just want to know what you think about them."

"They're self-conceded. Only a moron would like them."

"Are they part of the reason..."

"There were a lot of people, a lot of reasons." He said quietly. Talking about his suicide with Sophie suddenly made him feel sad. He knew what he'd done and the consequences it brought. He could handle his mother's resentment towards him and the constant watchful eye his sister held on him. He could handle the stares from his peers and the teachers, wondering why someone would fail at something so simple as suicide. He knew they had opinions and emotions different than him. He knew it would come after waking up in the hospital. But talking about it with Sophie made him feel sick to his stomach. Like she wouldn't accept him because of his past.

"But did they do anything..."

Kelsey and Rachel were mean and vindictive and self-absorbed. They only thought of themselves. And while they liked picking on people as weird as Calvin, they weren't the reason. They may have been one of many but not the main reason.It was far more complex than just that.

"Nothing more than what they do to anyone else."

She looked away and grew silent. Something was on her mind but Calvin couldn't imagine what.

"You can ask me anything, Sophie."

"Am I... If... If I say anything, will you... I don't want to-"

Was she honestly worried that she was causing any suicidal feelings at all? Calvin wanted to laugh at how absurd it was but he knew Sophie was worried. He didn't want to make her feel any worse than she already may have been feeling.

"Sophie, I don't think about that when I'm with you. You have nothing to worry about."

She looked at him and tears were building in her eyes. Calvin hated knowing she could be so sad just thinking about him hurting himself.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "I promise."

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. Just being close to Sophie made him feel safe and more peaceful than he'd been in a long time. He knew he was falling in love. And he knew she was, too.