As Rory Bradford, a twenty-four year old woman who had been previously known for her incredible problem solving skills, found herself making the biggest decision of her life, she discovered that she wasn't particularly good at solving her own proble...
When Rory Bradford was thirty-six weeks pregnant, she tried to repress her feelings. She stayed in bed all day but did not cry. She had only had a few major meltdowns, brought on by triggering events that reminded her of Sadie, which, in their apartment, was just about everything. This was why she temporarily moved into Noah's apartment.
She didn't know how to cope with loss. It was even worse when you were eight months pregnant and about to burst. She didn't want anything to go wrong with this baby, so she tried to keep her stress levels down. Unfortunately, this put her into a depressive state most of the time.
Noah was stressed, that was for sure. He had no baby inside of him to worry about, so he wasn't exactly concerned about keeping his stress levels down. He was trying to help Rory, but he just didn't know how. He still couldn't believe that it had been two weeks since the say their lives fell apart, since the day that Sadie Eleanor Copeland died.
Rory still hadn't brought herself to accept it, to accept the fact that she was a widow. Her wife died, she was all alone. They hadn't had a chance to be together and already they had been forced apart.
Rory thought back to the pivotal moments in this entire situation. The little girl that came to tell her that Sadie's last words were that she loved her wife and she needed her to know that was the one that stood out the most. Whenever Rory thought of it, her stomach dropped. It was even worse when Rory had asked the little girl what her name was.
Rory didn't fall apart very often, but these past few weeks were what she considered an exception. Her wife died, it was like a get-out-of-jail-free card.
Sadie's funeral was also one of the most difficult moments of Rory's life.
She was surrounded by people who cared about her late wife, mostly people that Rory hadn't even gotten the chance to meet. They celebrated Sadie's short life, with Rory being the guest of honour, even though she had only known Sadie for a couple of months. She joined Sadie's parents as they grieved, talking about how she was far too young.
Rory remembered seeing Zach, Sadie's youngest brother, a haunted look on his face. He had deep bags below his eyes, just as Rory did. She met his gaze, shooting him a grim smile. He walked towards her quickly and wrapped his arms around her, sobbing quietly. In his embrace, Rory let herself cry.
Since then, she and Zach had met for coffee twice. Sometimes, for many minutes on end, they wouldn't even speak. They simply embraced each other's presence as the two most important people to Sadie.
Rory felt like she was running on autopilot. She wasn't sure how much more she could take, so, instead of trying to overcome her emotions, she chose to deal with them after she gave birth. She laid in bed a lot but didn't sleep much. Mostly, she stayed awake, eyes wide open, thinking about Sadie, about alternate scenarios.
Sadie had wondered if she should go to the bank that day and Rory, never a procrastinator, told her to just go and get it over with, that way, they could spend the entire next day together. If she had gone to the bank the next day, she would still be here.
Now, she was living with Noah because the pain of seeing Sadie's things cluttered around the apartment was too painful. She couldn't look at the things that Sadie had left somewhere and told Rory that she would pick it up once she returned from the bank. Little did she know, she would never return from the bank.
Ashlyn, Rory's sister, and Elena, Sadie's sister had been coming over quite a bit. Elena, trapped in her own state of grief, grieved Sadie's life with Rory, while Ashlyn came over to help; cleaning, cooking, helping out in any way that she could. When Rory couldn't bear to see Elena, simply because of her resemblance to her sister, she would sit and talk with Noah as the widow cried alone.
Rory was going through the five stages of grief, she knew. She had been in denial at the hospital, truly believing that the doctor had confused her with someone else, that he was playing a joke on her. There was no other explanation that made sense to her. Nothing was a reasonable for the fact that she had been told that her wife was dead.
Upon Noah's request on Rory's behalf, the doctor brought them to see the body. It was so familiar, but so alien. The woman that Rory loved so much wasn't there anymore. The body that she used to love to touch her was suddenly lifeless, just as Rory felt.
Then came anger.
Noah could vouch that this had not been a pretty stage. She had been angry at everyone, anyone. He had to stick by her side throughout this, so he was usually the target for her anger. Mostly, though, she was angry at the universe for doing this to her, for stealing away her source of happiness, for stealing away her life. She was angry because she hadn't gotten enough time, they hadn't gotten enough time.
Then, there was bargaining.
By this time, there were many people gathered around, such as Rory's father, Sadie's parents, and Zach and Nathaniel, Sadie's brothers. Her sister, Elena, was on the next flight over.
Still, the only person Rory wanted to be with was Noah. He had been with her up until that point, he was the only person Rory wanted to let see her like that. Noah was the only person, alive, who truly knew her.
She bargained with her subconscious, with God, with anyone. Anything to make the pain go away, she didn't care what it took. Sadly, it seemed that nothing could bring back her wife and make the pain and suffering go away, so Rory continued to suffer. She imagined what a wonderful life she could have lived with Sadie had this not happened, had she not been taken far too soon.
She imagined their baby's first steps, their first words, their first everything, and Sadie was always there. She needed Sadie back and she was willing to negotiate with anyone for that to happen.
The next stage was depression, which she still found herself in. She didn't think she could get to the stage of acceptance until the baby was born and she let herself grieve without worrying about harming the baby.
She didn't know how to live anymore. She was completely lost, unable to comprehend why such an awful thing would happen to such a great person. She didn't understand why God would take her now. She didn't understand why they couldn't have been happy.
Then, she remembered the words of the little girl who spoke to her at the hospital. She had told Rory that Sadie wanted her to be happy. Rory didn't know how she would possibly do that, but it made her smile that, in her last moments, her wife was thinking about her living the rest of her life happily.
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