IF WE WERE MEANT TO BE // Billie Eilish

Chapter Thirty Three - Free in Death

Francis' PoV:

Finneas and I walk to the car and I go to get in the drivers seat before he stops me.

"Francis, you're shaking. Let me drive."

I nod and go to the passenger seat, closing the door behind me and looking at the traffic anxiously.

"We'll get there, don't worry." He says comforting me. "She always has security so I'll know if she leaves the art gallery."

I nod and focus on my breathing, attempting to keep control of the thoughts pulsing in my mind. My eyes fall on a water bottle in the cup holder. Flashes of the alcohol bottles scattered in the bathroom surrounding Luke fill my mind and my internal fears once again take over.

I hate this. I hate how when I try to feel, I can't, because all I see is him.

"Stop." I whisper breathlessly. "Stop the car."

He immediately pulls over to the side of the road and I fall out the door. He gets out and holds me.

"I can't do this to her. I won't give her false hope. I thought everything would get easier, but it hasn't. He's still as vivid in my mind as the day he-" I trail off.

He pauses for a moment, thinking. A few seconds later, he replies, "I think I know something that might help. You've got to keep your mind open, though."

His soft voice calms me and I'm able to get back in the car without it feeling so claustrophobic. He turns the car around and drives away from central London.

***

"Why did you take me here?" I ask, following Finneas through a cemetery. We stop by an empty patch of grass.

"You never went to his funeral. You're still stuck in his life and you need to say goodbye. You need to let him be free in death so that you can both move on. When you let him go, he'll become a beautiful memory rather than one that your clinging onto. He's not coming back, Francis." He says calmly. His words are firm, but his tone is kind and comforting.

I hear a twig snap behind me and jump, not realising how on edge I am. It's Claudia, who's holding a wreath of flowers, and Billie, who's eyes lock on mine and give a glint of yearning. They both stand by Finneas, giving me the space I need whilst showing me that they're there.

"I can't just erase him." I whisper, my voice starting to break.

"You don't have to." Billie replies. "But, you gotta move on. You have to focus on the future."

Looking at her, I see that she is my future. And suddenly, letting Luke go seems a little less scary.

I take the wreath from Claudia and place it on the patch of grass. Reaching into my jacket, I pull out a picture of him and I, as well as his signet ring. Placing the items on top of the flowers, I grab a lighter out of my pocket and hover it by one of the petals until it catches fire. I always knew Luke wanted to be cremated - his dumb ass was poetic in that way. So, watching the picture slowly burn up feels like the proper way to send him off into death. As the fire spreads around the circular wreath, my guilt and sadness releases. I feel lighter and my mind sounds quieter.

The four of us stand in silence watching the warm glow until all thats left is charred wood and ash. The last ember fades to black and I look over to Billie. I can see she desperately wants to hug me and comfort me but is restraining herself. She doesn't know that I went to the airport yet.

"Do you want to say anything?" Finneas asks. I shake my head, giving him my goodbye speech in mind only. I don't want anyone to hear it - this is just between me and him. Closing my eyes, I whisper a prayer - I've never believed in religion, but Luke did.

Billie walks up to me and hands me a whiskey flask.

"Bil, what the hell?" Fin snaps. Because of how Luke died, most people would think that Billie offering me alcohol at his funeral would be the most disrespectful thing a person could do. But not me, and not her. We have always been so connected in that way - we're not afraid of darkness.

There's that look in her eye where I can almost see the racing thoughts in her mind. I take the flask and drink. She gives me a small, comforting smile.

"We'll meet you guys back at the hotel." Claudia says, taking Finneas' hand and guiding him back to the entrance.

"You didn't cry." Billie says, taking the bottle from my hand.

"I thought you don't drink?" I answer.

"I don't drink because I'm scared that that shit's gonna kill me." She responds, before looking at Luke's memorial and scoffing. "This is my way of saying goodbye to him."

We stand in silence for a moment. "I didn't cry because it didn't feel like a sad goodbye. More of a "I'll see you in the afterlife."" I reply, giving a soft smile.

"Wanna get out of here?"

I give the memorial one last glance before bringing my gaze up to her and nodding.

"Damn, I can't believe you have a car." She says as we get inside it.

"I live here, now. What do you expect?"

"So, you're really not going home to LA?" She asks with disappointment in her tone.

"My exhibitions here. Also, remember when we met up with Luke in London ages ago? He was here getting his book published and I want to make sure the deal goes through. I think he deserves to be able to live forever through his book - just like you're immortal with your songs."

"Immortal. Geez. That shits crazy." She laughs. Then, she looks over to me, her face becoming serious. "You know that it doesn't matter to me, right? Any of it."

I nod and give a sad smile, knowing what she's getting at.

"Yo, I need you, Francis. And I know that the paparazzi were so fucking intrusive and violating after Luke, but I could step out of the limelight. Soon, they'd forget I even exist."

"You know I would never let you do that."

"And you bet your ass I'm not letting you leave again."

She pulls the car into the road and begins to drive back to the hotel. One hand on the wheel, the other goes to rest on my leg, travelling down to the inner part of my thigh. I don't move it and she smirks like she's won. I give her a look, telling her to shut up but she only grins back, knowing that she's got me again.

I realise that this is the first time I've felt her touch in two months. Her body already feels melted into mine like we're one again, and suddenly I no longer feel alone.

"You need to go back to LA at some point." I say, looking at her for an answer.

"We'll figure this shit out as we go. But for now, we gotta other things to deal with." She replies, her hand travelling even lower and cupping the underneath of my leg. She licks her teeth through a mischievous smile then softly bites her lip, accelerating the car so we arrive at my place quicker.

The fire and electricity between us is still there, even after so long apart. Fuck, I missed her.

A/n: (get ready for sum shmut)

Ready for Francis and Billie to be together again?

What shits gunna happen next?

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Love y'all x