The Stepbrother [BXB]

Chapter 15

I sat there.

Tears streaming down my face.

When I had opened that small little notebook, I didn't expect to read those things.

How could I have never notice that Newton felt this way? How did this slip past me?!

Every word that I read made my stomach twitch. Every dead wish that I saw made me feel sick. Every time he wrote that he hates himself and thinks that he is ugly, made my eyes water.

I felt like a bad brother. How could I've not have seen this? I am not there enough for him. If he had a good brother in me, he wouldn't be thinking this way.

How long would this have been going on? That magazine is two years old. Imagine... That this is even going on longer then that.

Would he...

I looked in the chest. A small bag. I opened it.

Blades.

I knew it.

More tears streamed down and all I could do was lean back against the desk and feel like shit.

I knew that Newton wasn't himself. I knew that Newton was hiding something, because no one could be that boring. I knew that Newton wasn't ok. I knew that Newton hated school. I knew that he loved the bad attention because it makes him feel special because he believes there is nothing about him that makes him great.

He thinks he's ugly, while he's so beautiful. His face, his hair, his smell. His cute dimples and his ocean eyes. That small birthmark underneath his eye and his small freckles spread over his nose. His body and his pale skin. His hands. His tiny, beautiful hands with rough fingers from the callus. His smile and laughter... Everything about him is beautiful. And now he fucks it up.

I didn't know for how long I was sitting there, but the door eventually swung open, revealing a tired looking Newton. His eyes went big and his face went even paler than he already was. I looked at him with teary eyes. Even with a blurry vision, he still looked beautiful. My brain coloured in the parts that didn't made any sense, because his image was incaved in my memory.

I got up and walked towards him. I grabbed his arms. Newton flinched and wanted to pull away, but he was to slow to react.

Scars. Very light, white scars were placed in his skin. I let him go and looked in his eyes. His eyes stood down. Sadness was overflowing from them down to his cheeks.

Now that I took a good look in his eyes, I could see what he was hiding. Newton, who I compared with a black shadow, actually is the black shadow. I didn't see any sparkle. I didn't see anything that could resemble happiness. It was dark. Another universe. So different from that time in the water park.

I wanted to scream. To shout and make him feel as shitty as I feel. I wanted to know why and how. I wanted to say that he disappointed me. I wanted to know why he was hurting me. I wanted him to say sorry or something.

But I couldn't.

Instead I took him in my arms. He wrapped his small arms around my waist and let his head fall into the crook of my neck. My arms were tightly wrapped around his neck and shoulders, scared that if I let go, I would lose him. His tiny body was pressed to mine and I could feel his unsteady breathing. He sobbed in my neck. I felt my shirt getting wet, but I didn't care. I cradled us from the left to the right slowly on our feet.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be." I said. I wasn't angry. I was just confused and mad at myself for not seeing it sooner. All I wanted to do now is hold my tiny, fragile brother. I pulled back and leaned him towards his bed. We plopped down; Newton lay on his right side snuggled in my chest and I lay on my left. My arms were wrapped around his tiny waist which I caressed. I wanted him to feel secure and wanted.