Tears Of Sorrow

I didn't just lose you, I lost my entire life

9 hours later

"This is the right choice, I'm doing the right thing. Who am I kidding, I'm doing what I need to" I told myself packing my bags. I was leaving for town, I had to get out. The guilt of torture and shame was over me still over the course of the last 12 years. And no, I'm going alone, I'm not bringing Elijah or Evan. I would be way too much if I did. Elijah can't hunt and Evan can't speak. Sure I had a bad leg, but that wasn't stopping me from anything. I had to be quiet so I took my stuff and went outside to pack it, what I didn't realize was Elijah wasn't in bed.

As I packed I was frantic and quiet but not quite enough. "Where are you going?" "OH MY!" I jumped "What was that about. Don't scare me", '' Sorry, what are you doing?" Elijah asked again "Nothing" I answered quickly. I was hoping for him not to see the bag I was packing. I left all my other bags in a tree so he wouldn't see them. "Why are you packing?" He questioned "No reason, I'm not packing" I answered "Then why do you have three bags full of clothes" He asked "I don't" I answered "Yes you do" He protested "No I don't" I debated "Yes you do" "NO I don't" "Jordyn.." He said softly "What?" I answered looking back up from the floor, "What are you doing?" He questioned "I'm not doing anything, just go back inside" I answered "I'm not leaving, if you are packing" He said trying to convince me. "I'M NOT PACKING OKAY!!" I yelled "Come on, why are you packing?" He said again "I'm going to find something". He looked at me if to say "Really?", "Fine, I'm leaving" I said finally "And you weren't gonna tell me" He stated "I wasn't gonna tell you because you would have stopped me from leaving" I explained "Yeah, cause I don't want you to be stupid" "You're gonna get killed, and you're not being smart like you promised" He continued "When did I promise that?" I asked "When we started all of this, hunting, everything" He answered, "Fine whatever". I put my bags down and went back inside. "Hi Evan," I said walking in. He waved at me and went back to what he was doing.

I stayed away from Elijah most of the day, he was annoying me and nagging me with questions. He knew that I was gonna leave eventually, that I wasn't staying forever. That I wasn't happy where I was, as long as I was happy no matter what he said. That's all that matters. I know it sounds selfish, but it's my life and he can't control what I do and how I do it. I knew it would be hard for him to understand at first, but he knows I never planned to stay there my whole life. Evan never cared what I did, or how I did it. But I only think he does that when Elijah doesn't let me make my own decisions. He makes it seem like he cares but only when Elijah doesn't. I don't know if it's because of who he is or just for show. But I honestly don't care anymore what he does for me or for himself. "I'm gonna go get something" I said heading towards the stairs, "No you're not" Elijah strained reaching for my arm. He grabbed me and wouldn't let me go, "Elijah let me go upstairs" I stated "No"  " Yes, let me GO!" I yelled "I know you're just using it as an excuse to leave" He explained "Really, says who" I said "You did, you were trying to leave this morning" He argued "Yeah, because I can't live in this hell hole any longer with you two. I need my own life, and you are not helping" I explained. Elijah let me go, and I tried to walk away. But I knew he wanted me to explain what I meant.

"Ever since we were kids, I knew I would have to leave my life behind one day. Get past the sadness and regret and start over. But that wasn't possible anymore when I met you. When I was like 15 or 16, In actually knew what love felt like, and it was with you. After that, everything went South. I knew I couldn't leave you and I wanted you to come with me, but I can't start a new life with memories of my past life with me. I was gonna leave and hope you would understand and find another girl like me. There are plenty of girls you will meet that will be better than me, but you always say there aren't any other girls like me, but how do you know that? If you don't try and find other girls" I explained "So you're saying that you're leaving, because you need to move on, but you can't move on with me?" He asked "Basically, only because I met you when things were bad. So our anniversary of when we met, just brings back too many memories" I explained. After I said that everything went quiet, for a good 30 seconds. I finally got upstairs and shut my door, sat on the bed and just cried. Everything is complicated, Elijah isn't really getting why and I have to leave but he won't let me. I know what I am doing is right, he just needs to see that too. But how, how can he see what I see when I explain this to him. He can't. He just can't.