Tears Of Sorrow

Life is hard. After all, it kills you

*Knock, Knock* "Jordyn? Are you Okay?" Sky asked at my door. I was in shock. How did I let my pride get in my way? I was so focused on believing I could find them that I wasted time and I didn't. I lost them, my parents, my siblings, My Family. I had no words, I couldn't talk to people, I couldn't talk to Jessie, I could barely even come up with one word. I was just all over the place. I couldn't focus, I couldn't do anything. All I could do was hide from it all and hope when I leave it was all a bad dream. And I know that these people were horrible for leaving me like they did, but I haven't seen them in 12 years and when they left, I didn't even get to say goodbye. The last thing my mom said to me was that I was a mutt, I was unworthy, ungrateful. That was my last memory of my mom. And hell I don't even remember what I said to my sibling, Margie and Caleb. Let alone my father. Maybe if I went back to the house with my dad, they wouldn't have left so soon. But I know if I did that they would leave that night, any time they could, they would try and leave. No matter what I did, I would've ended up where I am today. "Jordyn?" Jessie said outside my door, I turned my head but I couldn't open the door, it was unlocked but I couldn't bear to open it.

The next thing I knew my door opened and Jessie walked in, he had a water bottle and some food since I was up in my room for two days. He probably thought I would've been hungry, but I wasn't. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, Just the thought of explaining what I was feeling was terrifying.. I just wanted to scream and rage and yell just to get it out. But that wouldn't help. I had no way to feel any better than I did now. I couldn't think about anything but how sad and just broken I was. Jessie came over and he put the food on my table and the water next to me and he just sat down with me.

We sat there in silence for a minute until I just broke. I couldn't hold in what I was feeling anymore, "OH MY GOD!" "Hey, shhh, shh. It's okay, I got you, it's okay, shhh" Jessie said calmly. I was in tears I can't explain the pain I was in. I felt like every emotion I was feeling, was going to just build up in my heart and it would just explode if I didn't let out how I was feeling. "Wha-what did I do" I asked "Nothing, you did nothing wrong. You grew up. You didn't know what to do. You went from a 11 year old girl, with no parents, no family, and no one to turn to. To this amazing, beautiful, 23 year old woman that I love with all of me. You did nothing wrong, nothing" Jessie explained softly "Then- then why do I feel like a killer?" I asked sadly, "A killer, baby you did nothing wrong. You didn't kill anyone" Jessie explained "You wanna know what you did?" He asked "What?" I replied "You survived, you grew up alone. You were a warrior, you still are. You fight for what you believe in, you fight for everyone, me, Sky, that lady the other day. But you never make time for yourself. Because you never got that as a kid. You never got the chance to take a break. You never got the chance to sit down and relax, or close a door and just take a break. But when you did, you felt that it was wrong. That is who you are, a warrior. A 23 year old warrior that I love." Jessie explained. I sat up and looked at Jessie knowing that what he was saying was true. But for some reason, I knew it was true, But I couldn't believe it. I wanted to say to myself "You know he's right" But I couldn't, all I could do was believe that there was something that I did to get here, a mistake I made growing up, to get me here today.