We've Met Before

21 - June Tenth

KAIA

We leave sometime Sunday morning, and I can feel the sand leave, and trickle out of my sandals. Cade was invited to a beach party in one of the beach houses near here, he insisted on us going tonight, and I obliged.
I usually don't enjoy parties, but things just felt too good right now not to go to one. I'd probably end up leaving early, or maybe I'd stay the entire night.
I'm not sure, but the week is getting old, and I'm not getting any younger.
I should probably go catch some lunch while Cade is out surfing. He's spent most of the day with Gale while Gabby sits quietly outside, tagging along. I slept in after spending most of the day swimming yesterday.
Gabby seemed so unsolaced yesterday. Not necessarily sad, simply non-emotional. Sometimes you'll catch glimpses of her emotional state, whether it be because her face forms a half moon when she's happy, or because her eyebrows raise when she's angry.
She seems so depleting.
I take the elevator down to the first floor, stopping at the hotel bar, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll find my mom safe and mildly inebriated —the better of the two options in my head.
I peek my head towards the stools, seeing them all empty. As they should be considering it's 11 am, but my mom was always an early riser.
She's not there.
Maybe she's in her hotel room, or eating with one of my aunts. Aunt Laura said she was going to keep an eye on her for me. She promised to call or text me if anything happened.
    None of my aunts or uncles enjoy taking responsibility for my mom, which is understandable. It feels like hassling with someone my age sometimes.
    I make sure to keep tabs on her, even though I barely physically see her.
    Her absence is a bit comforting, and I feel bad for thinking that. She's my mom.
    Never mind that.
    Brunch. I'm hungry and I want brunch.
——
    The beach cafe is mildly empty, only a couple of older couples, and a table of teenagers filled to the rim roaming in the establishment.
    I sit down at a table, clasping my hands together. I love being alone, but it is a bit weird considering I've been attached to Cade at the hip for the last week.
    A waiter comes over, a small piece of paper in his hands. He folds it over and places it between two of his fingers.
    "From the gentlemen over there." He points to the table of teenagers, all of them giving me a large smile. I blush, feeling suddenly very shy at all the attention.
    I open the piece of paper, and it's a receipt for French toast and fresh fruit. At the bottom, is a small handwritten note.
    For the pretty girl across the room!
    Sometimes I think that Florida is some parallel universe where things happen that wouldn't usually. Everyone at school mildly ignores me —which I'm okay with, but it's just... weird, to experience it now.
    "Thank you," I flush, looking down at the small piece of paper in my hands.
    One of the guys stands up, walking towards me. He's tall, his face chiseled enough to pull off his trimmed buzzcut. If it weren't for my attachment to Cade's blonde hair, maybe I'd be able to feel bubbly.
    He slides into the booth opposite to me, opening his arms so the spread along the backboard of the bench. His eyes stare me down, eating me.
    "What's your name?" His voice is deep, but not as smooth as Cade's. His eyes are a vibrant blue, nothing compared to Cade's sky blue.
    "Kaia," I respond, murmuring.
    He smiles, his neat rows of teeth glimmering as he smooths his tongue on his bottom lips. "Shy little thing aren't you?"
    I breathe in, ready to say something, but I can't.
    I want to smack myself, maybe ask myself why the fuck I'm acting this way.
    "I've seen you around. You're always walking with that blonde guy. Is he your boyfriend or what?"
    'That blonde guy' Pfft.
    Would Cade be angry if I said yes? Would he be embarrassed? It's not like he's asked me out right? Our relationship has been comprised of small bouts of adrenaline, and... you know.
    "No, he's not my boyfriend."
    He smiles again, looking back at his friends in the other table, all of them ecstatic at his presence at my table. "Very well. I'll see you at my party later. Let me write the address down." He asks a passing waiter for a pen and a napkin, jotting down a street address and his number.
    He stands up, closing in on my ear on his way up. "You wouldn't be eating lunch alone if you were mine."
    I don't dare responding, mainly because I know Cade is simply surfing. We both agreed I should sleep in. It was mutual.
    But I also don't respond because part of me liked it.
    I can feel heat rush my cheeks, my hands tingling with a new feeling. It's shallow attraction, nothing compared to how I've felt with Cade, but comforting in a new way.
    Every girl Cade meets slobbers all over him. I feel like slapping them sometimes. Give them a quick, "breathe, bitch." Is this how he feels all the time? Probably not.
    He's probably so used to it.
    He's so different than me.
    We're living two completely different film reels.
——
    I get to the hotel, the small piece of paper tucked in the back pocket of my shorts. I walk into my room, Cade laying down, his bare torso exposed, contrasting his gorgeous tan to the polar white bedsheets.
My mind wanders to four days ago, his hands groping and smoothing over me.
It was the first time I've ever done something like that. I always thought I was too, ugly.
He notices me creeping into the door, a lazy, tired smile etching across his face. The room brightens, allowing him to extend every inch of his aura into every corner of the room. I walks towards the edge of the bed, my breath getting caught between Cade and I. My heart trashes inside me, my head clouded by his scent growing stronger and stronger as I approach.
His pull is magnetic.
My knees touch the edge. He leans over, grabbing ahold of my waist with a single sweep. He fingers dig at my sides and I can't help but laugh.
His smile widens. "Jesus, are you ticklish?"
I widen my eyes in fake shock. "What? No! Of course I'm not ticklish!"
His fingers begging pressing into my sides, giggles escaping through my half sealed lips.
He's never letting go of this.
    He dumps me over him, throwing me on the opposite side of where he was laying. His fingers tickling me, the largest smile I've ever seen showcasing on his face.
    Oh god.
    He stops, his hands staying at my waist. His eyes flicker hungrily over my lips, looking he's seconds from placing me on a plate. His arms dip under my thighs, picking me up, and keeping me close to his chest. He stands up, his fingers feeling so taut against the bottom of my legs.
    Cade shoves me against the wall, bringing a kiss to my neck as his hands move to grab my ass.
    "You're so clean," he mumbles against my skin. My entire body shivers. "I can't be the one to dirty you."
    My hands tug at his hair, closing him against my neck, wanting to feel him impossibly closer.
    Close isn't close enough with Cade. I want to feel him under my skin. I want to swim in his eyes, in this feeling.
    "Please," I whimper, his groin thrusting against my heat.
    I've never been erotic, or sensual in any capacity. I've read sex, and seen sex in movies, but feeling it is a different monster. It's addictive.
    If I had to guess what being intoxicated must feel like, it must be this. Your thoughts become clouded with one thing, and your breath quickens, and your hands can't find enough things to hold on to.
    I feel powerful.
   Having someone want you.
   The feeling intensifies when you know the person so deeply, the way I know Cade.
    He doesn't make any moves to fuck me, but maybe he's just not ready. I won't pressure him. This is all enough for me.
    His hands smooth over the back of my shorts, one of them smoothing over the front of my shorts, rubbing my clit against the denim fabric.
    A couple seconds go by before he pauses, bringing his hand in front of me, the piece of paper in his hands. He opens it with a single hand, his eyes furrowing.
    "What the fuck is this?"
    "That?" I smile nervously. "It's not important. It's just that one of the guys at the cafe I went to gave it to me."
    His eyes go darker, shifting from sky blue, to thunder blue. He's angry. Anger is the only emotion I rarely see on Cade. He flickers through emotions like a deck of cards, and anger is his ace.
    "What did you tell him?" His voice drops.
    "He asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said I didn't, and then he told me he'd see me later, and I stayed silent." Nerves flow through my body. I pleasure on the sheer tension and anger of it all.
    His eyebrow quirks, a smile replacing his menacing scowl. "No boyfriend? We might have to fix that huh?" His nose grazes my neck, my eyes closing in the feeling. I gasp, his hands unbuttoning my jeans. "I'm not your boyfriend, but you're mine, in every capacity."
    He drops me, letting me stand on my barely functioning legs. His hands bunch at the hem of my shorts, tugging them down my legs. He smooths his fingers on the inside of my thighs as he climbs back up, stopping at the line between my thighs and underwear.
    My voice is caught in my throat.
   "So pretty, but only for me." His tenderness shifts into something more aggressive, his anger leading his movements. "I'm yours, and you are mine. That fucking idiot knows nothing."
    Two fingers suddenly fill inside me, pumping in and out without mercy. I grab his arm for support, crumbling at his hands inside me.
    "Cade," I gasp, his teeth scuffing at my collar bone, and then my shoulder, and finding their way to my neck.
    "Say it. Tell me I'm yours," he breathes. His voice is just as exalted as mine.
    I press my thighs against his hand, his fingers reaching spots never been touched before.
    "You're mine." The phrase exerts itself as more of a secret than a a declaration, but I like it.
    This is my own little piece of Heaven. I don't have to explain anything to anyone, or hold back. Nobody can ruins this because it's just mine. It's mine to cherish, mine to enjoy, he's mine.
    His fingers drag in and out of my hot flesh, unearthing every single sound I could have possibly been holding back.
He groans against my neck, rubbing his erection against my pussy through the fabric of his shorts.
Ecstasy overtakes us, my eyes rolling back and my forehead connecting with his. He lets out a sound of satisfaction, his mouth forming an 'o.'
Our labored breaths fill the room creating a greenhouse effect for the both of us. The room is twenty times hotter than it was an hour ago, and I can feel the sweat molding my tank top against my breasts. He separates himself from me, a small stain in the front of his pants.
I laugh, clasping my hands around my mouth to stifle the noise.
He rolls his eyes, squeezing his hands around me waist. "I feel like a pre-teen," he frowns.
"Don't stress it. I like seeing you this..." I pause, staring at his red lips, "flustered."
I seemed to lack control in every aspect of my life except here.
"Well, there's more where that came from." He smiles, his row of pearly teeth glistening.
——
Our hands are intertwined as we make our way down to the beach house. Coincidentally, the note address was the same address as the party Cade was invited to. I don't think much of it though. I'm mainly here simply because Cade, Gabby, and Gale happen to be here too.
I looked around for my mom one more time before arriving, and I didn't manage to find her, but tonight is mine. Tonight is what I make of it, and I won't make it a search party for my mom.
She's disappeared for days on end before, only to arrive plastered 72 hours later.
The sun has already set, and everything is so much dimmer than before. Metaphorical laughing gas.
Cade strings me along, keeping me glued to his side. Every single girl's back straightens, their chests puffing out like some sort of weird mating ritual. Their hair tucked behind their ears, their eyelashes fluttering against the skin.
All the girls sport almost fabric-less bikinis, their bodies shaping like coke bottles.
I close my arms around my zip up hoodie, covering my bare stomach and chest that have become exposed from my shorts. I feel Cade's hand separate my jacket open again, a whisper hugging at my every insecurity.
"You look beautiful. Stop that."
I smile slightly, looking down at my flip-flops.
I look back up, Cade already looking at me. My heart skips a beat, leaving me as defenseless against him as ever.
We find Gabby and Gale, both of them surrounded by a group of teenagers smoking a joint. Gale laughs, his words carrying the conversation as Gabby stands beside him, almost like a vase in the middle of a foyer.
She's idle.
She brings her red solo cup to her lips, taking it all in one long chug. She places it next to her, laying it against the table.
"Can you come with me to get another drink?" Her voice peeps out, almost scared to interrupt Gale.
Gale glances at her, chuckling. "Babe, you're a big girl. You can go by yourself right?"
Gabby swallows, all of the guys laughing at the interaction. All except Cade who narrows his eyes towards Gale. Cade grabs Gale's arm, pushing him towards Gabby.
"Go get your girlfriend a fucking drink." Cade shouts, nobody daring intercept his word. Six three, 210 pound of pure muscle, Cade Steele can't be defied when he's orders you to do something.
Gale says nothing, simply grabbing Gabby by the wrist and leading her off to the punch bowl.
I rub Cade's knuckles, letting him know how proud I am he said something. If Gale hadn't gone, I probably would have. Gabby doesn't deserve to be ridiculed the way she was.
The guys suddenly disperse, crouching beneath Cade.
——
I lean against Cade's shoulder as he talks about football with one of the other guys at the party. I stare out at the window, watching Gabby and Gale argue. He's throwing his hands up in the air as Gabby shouts at him, her hands held patiently at her sides.
"Tom is not better than Jerry. Are you insane?"
I laugh at Cade, seeing him act so juvenile. Sometimes I forget that Cade's just as much as a jock as the next one. I forget that he plays football, and that he's popular, and that he has no trouble making friends, or attracting girls.
I forget that his image is not only mine, and he's not only the Cade who would sleep at our home when his dad was sick. He's not only the Cade who used to hold me when we were younger, helplessly soothing me because I couldn't explain to him that my mom was mean —that she's damaged and he can't do anything about it.
They continue arguing back and forth, Cade very obviously dominating the conversation.
The shouting gets louder outside the window, the noise increasing as time rolls on.
"Cade, I'm going to go check on Gabby, alright?"Cade immediately shifts, ready to stand up. I shake my head, placing pressure on his shoulder to sit him back down. "No, I'll go alone."
He scratches his jaw. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." I place a kiss where he scratched. "I'll be right outside."
I lift myself off the couch, my feet carrying me out the door. Gale and Gabby have been tense since Saturday. I haven't asked any questions because Gabby isn't one to necessarily answer them. I think she becomes irritated when I ask questions, as if the thought of hearing my voice impends her to listen, and she doesn't like listening.
The first thing I hear is Gale's shout. "What? Because I suggested a simple idea? Loosen the fuck up Gabby! Maybe you should take a couple notes from her."
I hide behind a column on the porch, peeking through to hear the conversation. I know I shouldn't, but I don't want to delve into anything that maybe would be best I didn't meddle myself into.
I can't take action because I don't want to cause unnecessary hurt.
"I came to this stupid fucking party because you wanted me to! I'm sorry that I'm not picking fucking seashells up at the beach. You barely fucking know her and you're telling me that you've fallen in love with her or something?" Gabby's hands have lost their composure, and as much as she tries to keep them still, they tremble violently.
Seashells.
Are they talking about me?
I lean my back against the column, confused at what they're talking about. Maybe I shouldn't be here.
The argument continues with Gale. I can't see him, but I hear the flailing of his arms as the words leave his lips. "I'm not in love with her, I'm just no longer in love with you."
It's almost as if nothing else could've been said in that moment. A sob breaks out of Gabby.
Nothing but a sob.
My ears crack at the sound. Never before had I heard something as heart wrenching as a sob from someone who I considered to be so cold, and apathetic.
Gale's breathing heavies as he hears her cry, the wind cutting through my hair as I stand beneath that column.
My phone rings.
Fuck.
I hear footsteps creep on the other side of the column. Gabby places a hand on the side of it, finally spotting me behind it.
She laughs through her tears. "Of course. You enjoyed it didn't you? I'm glad you got your nightly entertainment."
She stomps away. I try following her, but my phone keeps ringing in my pockets. I call out to her, "Gabby! Gabby, wait!"
She doesn't stop.
Ring!
She keeps rushing through the crowded house, rushing towards the keg and filling another red cup. The seventh one tonight.
Ring!
"Gabby, I didn't mean to listen to so much of it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," I explain, grasping at the table.
She downs the entire cup, her eyes droopy, sad, and drunk.
"You might make everyone else fall for your bullshit, but you're just like the rest of them. I see right through you. You're worthless," she spits, filling the cup again.
She's drunk.
Ring!
She's drunk, and she doesn't mean it.
"Do you want to rest?" I ask, trying to measure her eyes for any side of tiredness.
She can sleep the alcohol away, knowing that it'll catch up to her eventually. She'll wake up hungover, but maybe she'll make breakfast and the air will fill with bacon and pancakes.
Maybe Gale will pretend nothing happened, and they'll ignore what happened tonight because maybe it's all for the best.
Ring!
I walk away, leaving her to drink.
Ring!
I feel tears sting at my eyes. I look around for Cade, noticing he's no longer at the couch where I left him.
Ring!
What the hell?
I take my phone out of my pocket, looking at rhe caller ID.
Aunt Laura.
"Hey—"
A hysterical cry breaks out on the other side of the line. "Kaia! Kaia, your mother! Kaia, your mother is passed out inside her hotel room and she's not breathing. Oh, god! Amber, please!"
Something shatters inside me as my aunt screams my aunts name. Passed out? I try to remember all the places I looked at her for.
I assumed she could be in her hotel room, but I thought she'd be safe in there. She would be away from the bar.
The mini fridge only has so many bottles of cheap liquor right?
"I'll be there right now." I hang up, my breaths shortening with every step I take. My mom. My thoughts flood with every possibility.
Is she dead?
God, she can't be dead.
I shuffle wildly around the house, shouting Cade's name, in vain, because he's nowhere to be found.
"Cade! Cade, we have to go!"
Strong arms hold my shoulders, shaking me lightly. "Hey, hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"
It's the boy from the cafe.
"I need to get back to my hotel but I can't find my friend," I explain, begging my voice and lungs to not give out in the middle of all this.
The heat from everyone encapsulates me, breaking me into pieces as I feel the weight of everyone's chatter, and smoke, and drinks mount on me.
"Okay, first things first, chill out. You're okay, girl, just breathe in." His voice sounds so similar to Cade's.
I close my eyes, feeling his hands on my shoulders, following the sound of his voice, but merging it with Cade's face and body.
I see Cade standing in front of me, holding me in place.
"Ready? Breathe in..." I do as he says, inhaling deeply. "Good. Now breathe out..." I exhale, my lungs functioning how they're supposed to. He runs his fingers underneath my eyes. "Don't cry."
I never seem to know when I'm crying.
I open my eyes to cafe boy, feeling salt on the edge of my lips. "Thank you," I reply.
He holds onto my shoulder, breaking a path by shouting for everyone to get out of the way. Everyone parts.
My shoulders shudder under my sobs, and I can no longer feel the wind, even though I know it's there. I'm cold, and my bikini top isn't helping.
I zip my jacket up.
"Girl, you're freezing. C'mon let's go." He holds me close to him, providing me with the only comfort I can afford myself with right now.
——
I walk onto the side walk of the hotel, feeling the warmth of cafe boy simmer away as I spot the paramedic bus on the side of the road.
They haul a stretcher onto the ambulance, all of them shouting random sentences to each other which I can't seem to decipher.
"Get code 3 now!"
"They aren't isn't responding!"
I shake out of his hold, running towards the bustling scene. My heart drops to my stomach as I make my mom's face out above the stretcher.
I should've looked harder. I should've stayed with her.
I let myself enjoy, not realizing that someone else was hurting. I enjoyed the day, wandering around through a fucking party as if my mother wasn't fighting for minutes of life.
I hold onto the stretcher, digging my nails into the fabric. "That's my mom! Let me be with my mom please!" A paramedic comes behind me, trying to haul me off of her.
"We need you to remain calm, miss."
"You don't understand this is my fault! Let me be with her. Oh god, please let me be with her."
I thrash underneath the paramedics grip, her nails digging into my sides. "Ma'am, we need to be able to treat her immediately."
"That's my niece! Let her go, that's my niece!" Aunt Laura's shouts startle me, watching as she runs towards me and envelops me in a hug. I clutch her shirt, sobbing into the thing fabric as she smooths her hand over my hair. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry hun. I'm so, so, so sorry hun."
I feel my hair dampen at the scalp, noticing that she's crying just as much as I am.
"What if she dies? What if she dies?!" I scream. "She should've rested," I'm angry. "It never ends like this. She'll be home in a few days, and she'll tell me something rude, and I'll cry a little bit, and then she'll make me breakfast and it will all be okay."
——
I spend the entire night in the hospital alone. Aunt Laura decided it was best if she took Uncle Will and some of the others back home early. She said she would be back in a day, saying that we both needed space.
I tried not to think about Cade too much. I shouldn't think about Cade when my mom is stuck inside a hospital bed. It's not fair.
But,
Where was Cade?
He disappeared, leaving.
The air is crisper inside the hospital. It's clear, and direct. It doesn't hide behind any other scents. It doesn't smell like oak, or flowers, or the beach, or alcohol, or cigarettes. It smells like air.
The way it's supposed to be.
I've recollected my day a hundred times, going through every motion.
I'm ashamed. It's all I can feel as I sit in this chair.
I was so happy today, basking in the feeling of being a teenager. I enjoyed going out the a restaurant and grabbing the attention of a cute boy, watching his friends giggle childishly behind him. I enjoyed hooking up with Cade in our hotel room, fulfilling some fantasy where both of us hide from ourselves, laughing and panting quietly so nobody else can hear us. I went to a party, and eavesdropped on a couple's fight, listening in the same way the girls at school do to collect gossip.
Things that probably seem so normal for others, seem so... foreign to me.
I can't afford to do any of that.
Here I am. Sitting down. Paying a hefty price for being selfish.