We've Met Before

26 - June Eleventh

CADE

    My eyes open, my body adjusting to the rank smell of sweat and alcohol pooling between white sheets. My head hammers inside my skull, thrashing wildly, beating me from the inside, begging me to never touch a fucking drink again.
    Holy shit my head hurts.
    I try to get up, but something is weighing me down.
    I look beside me.
    My eyes widen, forcing themselves to the naked girl beside me, her body huddled next to mine.
    I immediately hustle up on the palms of my hands, scurrying to the side in horror as the worst appears in my mind.
    Where's Kaia?
    Why is Gabby here?
    Why is she naked?
    I think back to last night, the only thing appearing in my head is my mom's worried call.
    Holy shit.
    My headache intensifies, my heart pumping blood through my veins faster than whatever is running through my head right now.
    I pinch her arm, her body startling awake, a wince on her face as she holds onto her arm melodramatically.
     "Ow! What the fuck?!"
     "What the fuck are you doing inside my hotel room?! What happened last night?!" I stay a couple feet away, my head eating away at whatever tiredness I had earlier.
    She sits up, looking around. Her face is emotionless, simply scanning the room mechanically. She quirks an eyebrow. "You don't remember anything from last night?"
    I shake my head, praying she can clarify.
She stays silent for a few seconds, watching the clock on the wall tick quietly.
Tick.
"What a shame, because I remember it all."
Tick.
"You must be a light drinker if you really can't remember anything."
Tick.
"Then again, I know you're a light drinker because I witnessed it last night. We both got so plastered and must've ended up tangled between each other."
Tick.
I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath.
No, I couldn't have. I wouldn't do this to Kaia. I wouldn't do this. I couldn't have.
I shouldn't have.
   I look between Gabby, and the towel hanging loosely from her torso. She's smirking, satisfied at whatever she's done to me.
   I dig my hands in my hair, pulling at the ends.
   Kaia.
   Oh my god, Kaia.
   I sit down on the edge of the bed, placing my elbows on my knees, shutting my eyes and hoping I'll wake up and all this bullshit will pass by me like a dream.
    "Don't feel guilty. You might not remember it, but Kaia left the party with some random guy last night." She polishes her nails with the bedsheets, shining them.
    I shake my head. The memory popping up inside my head, sputtering inside me like a firecracker. My head hurts, my heart aches, my legs feel feeble, and I feel like throwing myself out of the window of this damn hotel.
    I remember the way his arms were wrapped around what's mine.
    She's mine.
    And she'll always be mine.
    No fucking beach twerp can haul her away from me like that.
    I can't be fucking saying that when I just slept with one of her friends, but too bad I'm selfish.
    She'll always find her way back to me. She has to.
    I stand up, grabbing my wallet from the nightstand, and putting on a t-shirt lying on the floor. I open the hotel room, hearing the click of the doorknob as it slides open.
    "You can't leave. I'll tell her what happened."
    My hand freezes on the knob, the door ajar, my body seconds away from chasing after wherever the fuck Kaia is.
    I turn around, my eyes burning into Gabby.
    "Are you threatening me right now? Is that what this is?"
    She stutters. "I- I'm just warning you. Do you seriously think she's going to want you after what you did last night?" She stands up, keeping her towel tightly shut between her fingers. She walks over to me, whispering. "You fucked up, Cade. Call it spur of the moment, impulse, but you betrayed her. Imagine her pretty, blushful face walking in through that door, catching our little encounter. Do you think she'll greet you with a smile? A laugh?"
    She mocks Kaia's voice, her voice becoming a little softer, a little higher. "Oh, Cade! It's all okay—"
    I grab the length of her throat, gripping my nails into her flesh as she gasps for air, clawing at my hands.
    "Say her name one more fucking time."
    Her widened eyes narrow, her lids hooded over her eyes. "This is you. This is exactly who you are."
I let go, shoving her off to the side.
The room is burning me. The walls are swallowing me whole, the humidity of the beach seeping into my skin, making it sticky and gross.
This is who I am.
I'm Pandora's box.
She backs away, towards the wall.
I wince.
Even something as vile as that doesn't want to be anywhere near me.
"When you see her, you're going to make sure she wants nothing to do with you. You're going to tell her how much you hate her, and how pathetic she is, and then you're going to stop talking to her." Gabby walks towards the door, holding onto the edge, looking at me one more time, a weird expression on her face.
She mumbles something, and leaves.
——
Hours go by, maybe two or three. I'm not really sure yet.
I need to get home. I need to leave because my dad is in the hospital again, and my dad needs me, and my dad needs me to be there for me.
Because my mom is probably crying alone on the couch, holding her wedding ring between her fingers and weeping to it as if it can answer her millions of unanswered prayers.
Because my mother holds more faith to a silver ring than the idea that her son can help her. Because she refuses to eat whenever I offer her food, but she'll happily eat away at the soil, and the sunny days.
I zip my suitcase up, struggling with shaking hands to stuff everything inside.
The door opens.
Kaia walks in, her eyes red, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She really did spend the night with him huh?
Her hair is messy, her mascara smudged against her cheeks, smeared all over the red of her cheeks. Or what used to be red, she looks colorless right now.
"Why are you packing?" She whispers, tucking her hands behind her.
I break my stare at her, looking down at my suitcase. "I have to go."
Her bottom lip trembles, her teeth digging into it to stop the motion. "Why? Don't go." She walks towards me, grabbing my forearm.
Did she hold onto his forearm? His shoulders? Have his hands been all over her? Did he have her in the ways I was patiently waiting to have? Where have you been, Kaia?
"Don't fucking touch me," I snap back.
You're going to hurt her. You're going to make her cry. You're going to take the sun out of her.
A hear a sniffle, but I still don't look at her.
"Cade—"
I shake my head. "Do you think I'm responsible for all your whining? Jesus Christ. All you think about is yourself." I need to tear into her. "You think that just because I fucked you a couple times I'm in love with you or something? You're dumber than I thought."
She doesn't say anything, but I hear her feet slip farther away from me.
A sob racks in the back of my throat so I take a deep breath, inhaling through my nose, and letting out a short cough.
"Florida means nothing to me." God, I'm so fucking sorry. Kaia, I'm so so fucking sorry. God. "You mean nothing to me. You're a girl I had a good time with. Let's go back to forced proximity at family gatherings, and being forced to communicate because our families are friends."
I haul my suitcase.
I turn around.
The sight is cataclysmic. Her face is riddled with water droplets, each one rolling off her cheek, down her chin. I can't tell what she's thinking. I can't tell if she's thinking.
It's as if the world has ruptured. Every seed I thought I watered has rotten into the dirt, wallowing into the ground, diverting every nutrient away from itself.
There's no going back now.
Don't be a fucking coward.
Do what you need to do.
You don't deserve her.
She deserves someone who won't fuck up when he's upset, someone who can rationalize himself.
She deserves someone who can look at her in the eyes.