We've Met Before

25 - Flash Mob

KAIA

The sun blinds me as Friday morning rolls around. My contact with Cade has been very minimal. He drives me to school, we both go our separate ways, and we meet each other again in the afternoons to go home.
The sun makes me wince as it's rays filter through Cade's annoyingly blue curtains. I look beside me at the empty bed, wondering if he's awake yet.
He's been punishing himself for the last couple of days, sleeping on the couch, barely touching his dinner, barely leaving the house, only for practice.
    I want to say I feel bad, but part of me doesn't.
    It eats me alive to think that I've become cold towards the people I once would've brought the sun down from the sky for, but I'm just really fucking tired.
The worst part is that I wish he was as selfish as he's claimed to be for the last few months. I wish he'd set his guilt, and belief for what's best for my aside, and wrap me between his arms and hold me for the rest of eternity.
I'm happiest when I'm nestled in his weight, scent, and warmth.
    All of my days seem to start with this.
    Morning contemplation, and evening disappointment. A vicious cycle, one far worse than roaming around mindlessly through time.
    I've grown closer to the girl in the bathroom, and caught a bit of a habit for smoking weed with her during those thirty minutes. We've both learned to find less sour subject to talk about than my life.
    She has a boyfriend. He's in a band, and he's touring somewhere in Pennsylvania right now. Her eyes light up when she talks about him, smiling like a little girl when small tidbits about him slip through her mouth.
    She convinced me to try and talk to my old lunch table again, to try and talk things through, one way or another.
    She also told me, and I quote, "If you need to beat somebody's ass, just call me. The universe owes some of those hoes karma."
    I remember laughing and thinking I love her.
I stand frozen at the entrance of the cafeteria, teetering on my heels. My converse are growing weary, and there's a slight hole on the side of my left shoe, but they're okay, they'll be fine.
I take a deep breath and walk in, carefully making sure to not look at anyone directly in the eye. I make my way towards the table, finally seeing Jane and Jennifer come into light, but not Gabby.
I sit down beside Jennifer, placing my backpack on the ground and clasping my hands between my thighs. My fingers are frozen, almost numb to touch.
Jennifer and Jane exchange obvious glances, finally turning to me.
"Kaia, where have you been?" Jane is the first to speak, eating a carrot stick.
I laugh nervously, fidgeting with my fingers. "I just thought that maybe I'd give all of you some space before—"
"I think it's better that you leave," Jennifer interrupts, staring down at her food tray. She won't even look at me.
"What?"
"Jen!"
Jennifer shakes her head, her lighter hair rustling against her head. "You know it's for the best, Jane!"
Jane scoffs, staring in disbelief at Jennifer. I feel my eyes burn but I swallow the feeling down, savoring what's left of my dignity within my friend group.
"You're going to take her side, Jen?" Jane's voice is surprised, and maybe almost hurt at the way Jennifer's acting, but I have no idea what she's talking about. But I have a hunch.
Jennifer stands up, her hands flat against the desk. "Gabby's been through a lot these last couple of months. Give her a break."
"You know what Gabby has done, and you also know there's no fucking excuse, Jennifer. I would go to the end of the world to defend you if you had been in Kaia's position, so don't tell me shit about giving Gabby a break."
Jennifer grabs her backpack, standing up, and stomping out the cafeteria, disappearing into the hallways of Fairland.
Ouch.
I turn to Jane. "What do you mean 'What Gabby has done?'"You know exactly what she means.
"Kaia, I would've done more but—"
I shake my head. "I understand. You've been friends with her for a long time. How did you find out? How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?"
Jane looks off into the cafeteria windows. "I just recently found out. I managed to put two and two together after Elliot walked up to my enamored sister, half beaten, and tattletaling like a toddler."
She smiles, happily recalling the memory. "Jennifer's had a crush on him for years, so you can imagine how sour she feels about you right now."
We all suspected it, but I always had bigger things in my mind than that. I didn't pause to think abt that small little detail.
"I told Gabby to get the fuck out of our table after I figured it all out. Jennifer was livid with me, going off about how I ran off the only person who cared about the both of us." She laughs incredulously. "Jen and I have always had just each other." She turns and faces me, her eyes begging me to understand her. "You know the typical story —spoiled rich girls who's parents are never around. Who never receive proper love and attention because daddy is always on a business trip and mommy is too busy playing playboy bunny with the neighbors. Jennifer saw love in Gabby, but I didn't."
From the short time I've known Jane, Jennifer, and Gabby, we always seemed divided into duos. Jane and I. Gabby and Jennifer. Its innately how we functioned, and maybe we all knew it would fall apart, but I didn't think it would be like this.
"When your friends were beating Gabby, Jennifer froze, and I know it's because she saw something in Gabby that day that I didn't. She understands how fucked up Gabby is, but it's taking her a bit to fully confront it."
I open my mouth, and close it, realizing I don't have an actual response to her.
I feel so alone.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to sound selfish, but what's so difficult about picking someone who tried dragging your friend, over said friend who was almost drugged and raped.
I wrap my arms around myself, trying my best to not frown at Jane. I know it's not Jane's fault, and that maybe if I had been born with siblings I'd better understand her.
     Jane's eyes widen, her mouth opening wide in complete shock.
    Is there something on my face?
    "Oh my fucking god!"
    I turn around on my seat, watching the cafeteria shake in commotion at the spectacle being held in the dead center of the room.
    I dig my head into my hands, watching as Cade stands shirtless, with his football trousers and cleats on, his body sweaty and very much glistening against the shrewd white cafeteria lights. The entire football stands behind him, giving the girls in the cafeteria a free strip show.
    Even the lunch ladies seem to be blushing.
    "Kaia Turner, can you please come up here," Cade speaks into a microphone, looking around the room hurriedly, panting breathlessly into the microphone.
    I stay put.
    "Kaia, if you don't stand up and walk over to that man right now, I'll drag you by the hair myself and make sure you make it. You deserve something good to happen to you, please, do something for yourself for once," Jane half whispers, half lectures behind me, pushing my arm slightly to urge me to stand up.
    I roll my eyes, standing up begrudgingly.
    Everyone's eyes follow me as I make my way silently towards Cade. He smiles, the entire football team cheering at my small gesture.
Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon starts playing on a steep held by Luke, the lyrics buzzing through the cafeteria. As if it's been rehearsed a million times, all the players begin rearranging, shifting between themselves, small mumbles and mutters chattering between them as they mess up a couple of times.
    Cade rolls his eyes, punching his nose bridge.
    He leans towards me, whispering in my ear, making my senses sharpen against his voice. He doesn't even need to try. "I swear we practiced this many times."
    I laugh, smiling at the confused idiots in front of me. I dig my hands into the back of my pockets, and Cade's arm snakes around my waist, holding me close as he waits for all of them to be done.
     "Very well, glad we didn't spend the entire night here!" He holds the microphone at his lips, and the cafeteria erupts in laughter at his joke. "Boys, can we please turn around."
    All of them turn around, their backs on full display for us.
    Each player has a different letter attached to their skin, marked in yellow ink.
    It all reads;
KAIA TURNER, PROM?
    Gasps full the cafeteria, surprised that this girl they've never heard of before just received a prom invitation by Cade Steele. I feel proud of myself, selfishly loving the fact he's wrapped around my finger, and nobody else's. He might've slept with Gabby, but she isn't the one he'd toil over for.
    I stand in utter disbelief, unable to form words.
    Cade panics.
    The entire cafeteria watches intently as he drops to his knees in front of me, placing both my hands between his, and kissing them lightly with his lips. His wild blonde hair fans over his forehead as his eyes confess to me all his sins, his hands holding me like he's never held another person before in his life.
    "God, I know I've fucked up. I know that I don't deserve to have you standing in front of me like this, shining, and beautiful, but God, I'm a selfish motherfucker. I'll keep shoving apologies down your throat until you accept mine, because there will never be single day where I you don't cross my fucking mind." He drops the mic from his lips, speaking to just me only.
    "Please. I'm sorry."
    "Get the fuck up," I tell him, dragging his hands up and laughing.
    He smiles, a dorky smile. "I love it when you laugh."
    "Yes."
    "Yes, you'll go with me?"
    "Yes."
    He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me off and spinning me around like in the movies. The entire football team begins cheering, throwing yellow confetti up in the air. I watch as it flows down from the ceiling, glittering upon all of us, but my vision only being able to spot the ones landing on Cade and I.
    I pick a piece up, bringing it closer to me.
    It's sun confetti.
Sunshine.
——
    "I don't want to go," I whine, watching as Cade takes his shirt off, placing it somewhere inside his laundry hamper.
    "We won't if you don't want to, Sunshine. I told you that things are entirely up to you now." He takes a blue t-shirt, and puts it on.
    He looks better with less clothes on.
    "No. You're very extroverted, and I don't want to stop you from interacting and being around others. I'll stay home, and I'll help your mom and dad make dinner." I stuff my head inside his pillow, groaning at the idea of Cade at a party, being drooled all over by high school girls who have one thing, and one thing only on their minds.
    I'm all for women empowering themselves sexually, but not with Cade.
    He's mine, and everyone officially knows it now.
    Those last three hours of school felt like a parallel universe for me. People waved, and smiled as they crossed me in the halls. Jane and I walked to sixth period together, being greeted by the teacher as if she had been doing it all year. Hello's and good afternoon Kaia's, all slipping from their lips as if I was a new girl.
I had been in school with all of them since kindergarten.
I guess that's what I hate the most about people, their ability to only care about the what's what of the moment, to follow the rushing whims of their multitude.
And I feel shit sometimes for wanting it as well.
Was it so fucking bad to be rich, and pretty, and smart, and perfect.
Maybe that's why I always wanted to be invisible, always telling myself I didn't care for all of it, because maybe I've known all along that I'd never be enough to check off every box.
"I'm not going anywhere where you aren't. You're delusional of you think I'm leaving my lovely prom date all alone, laying here, in nothing but my t-shirt." He places his body on his mattress, crawling towards me. His muscles flex underneath his t-shirt, and I squeal, running away from him as he darts behind me, his long legs gaining traction on me, his arms wrapping around my waist as he finally manages to catch up to me.
I laugh wildly, trying to playfully shove him off me.
Don't let me go.
"How did you plan the cafeteria thing?" I ask. "Just wondering."
"I've been meaning to ask you for weeks, but we had both been so busy, and you had so many things toppling on you. I decided about two days ago to ask the guys to help out, a couple of rough sketches of what I wanted it to look like, and we did it. I always have things planned. I don't like being impulsive. I make too many mistakes." The last part is muttered, his eyes glazing over my face sorrowfully.
    He really does feel guilty.
    "Why didn't you just tell me what happened? I probably would've been upset but—"
    He shakes his head, his lips forming a thin line. "I was scared you wouldn't look at me the same, and Gabby told me to tell you shit I didn't mean because if I didn't she was going tell you what happened that night." He pauses, his thumb on my cheek. "I can't imagine what that would've felt like for you, that morning. I'm so sorry."
    "Stop apologizing," I whisper, leaning on his shoulder.
    It did hurt. Maybe it was a mountain of things that happened in those 24 hours that wrung me out, but god, I've never felt an urge to die so badly than that day.
    Maybe, if I didn't exist, I wouldn't have to feel that way anymore.
    My one escape has always been Cade, since we were kids, both of us hiding from our parents at Easter parties and Christmas get-togethers, and that day, it felt like I had lost him.
I remember standing there, my thoughts unable to process.
Seeing him say all those things, and not even bother to look at me. I can rest a little better now that I know it wasn't real, and although I feel better, it still stings.
Memory I'd rather forget.
Cade's arms tighten around me, savoring me slowly as I tangle my fingers underneath his shirt, feeling every inch of his gorgeous, soft skin.
"I do want to go to the party. Let's go."
He lifts his head. Staring at me for a clearer answer, to see if I'm bluffing. "Are you sure? We don't have to—"
"I need to get out of here. Let loose a little."
He smiles. "Maybe we should let you loose from this stupid t-shirt huh?" His fingers skim the bottom of my t-shirt, lifting it slightly.
I laugh, throwing my head back from amusement. I love him when he's playful. "I need to get ready. Stop that!"
He beams at me, lowering my t-shirt back down and groaning. "You're no fun."
"You know very well that's not true."