When All is Lost

7.

"Morning all!" Tommy says brightly, as he enters Nate's dining room the next morning. He messes Nate's hair up and sits himself down on the bench between us. Nate seems to be suffering today, he doesn't usually get hangovers so it may be emotional, either way he hasn't said much to me so far. His head has been buried in the newspaper and I have really enjoyed the awkward silence.

I arrived hoping Adam would be here but instead, I've been spending an uncomfortable cup of coffee trying not to apologise for the things I said last night. I honestly don't know what got into me. To avoid thinking about it, I've been focusing on my breakfast.

"Hey," I say, as best I can around mouthfuls of garlic mushrooms on toast.

"Mmmm you're so attractive." Tommy jokes, and I smile, shaking my head. Nate doesn't react, just continues to read.

Adam saunters in a few minutes later with fresh coffee and more pastries. I lie back in my chair, way too full to be comfortable and nurse my third cup of coffee as the others talk. I like the way the sunlight dances on the ceiling in this room. Nate's windows overlook a series of fountains and at just this time of day the sun reflects off it, the light performing a ballet on the ceiling. I'm miles away watching this when I hear a word that brings nothing but dread.

"Eurgh, I'd forgotten the ball was tonight." I groan.

Nate has put down his paper and glances over at me, he shares my sentiments, but he tends to find a way to enjoy them. At 22 and heir to the throne, women love nothing more than to throw themselves at him, and usually, around midnight he will catch one.

He'll smile his most dazzling smile, meet her eyes and wander over, one hand in his pocket, oozing nonchalance. He'll ask her if she'd like to dance and she'll swoon, fan herself a little and smile. He always chooses a waltz, and before they start, he always takes a moment to look her in the eyes, tell her she's beautiful and kiss her wrist. It's classic Nate, and yet he makes it look casual. He makes it look natural and easy, and every time a waltz starts I tend to leave the room because by that point in proceedings I know we're safe. He'll be surrounded by palace guards and she'll definitely keep her eyes on him so for an hour or three, I don't need to worry about him.

A ball, for me, means one thing. I have to wear a dress.

I realise there are bigger problems in the world, but the quarterly celebrations at court are the only time I have to step out of our comfortable soldierly, boys club, and join the men and women who run the country. All of whom seem to make it their sole purpose in life to dislike me.

Today I will be primped and prodded into a corseted, monstrosity of a dress, my hair will be wrapped and hidden under a wig, and I will be paraded in front of everyone in the world who ever had reason to look down on me. I'll endure their whispers; their secret smiles and no doubt do something that causes them all to gasp. Last time, I flicked Nate's ear when he was annoying, and it was discussed in all the grand salons for weeks. Needless to say, when the gossips gather, the boys can protect me all they like. Stories are the one enemy I can't fight.

At some point during my reverie on how much I hate these parties, the guys have started moving on from breakfast. I stretch and my back cracks with a satisfying crunch that makes Adam frown.

Nate's already moving over to his desk as a secretary appears with paperwork for him. Tommy throws his coat on and says he'll be back later, and as Adam and I move towards the door I start debating how to spend my free time.

"Charlotte?" Nate says, focused on a piece of paper. Glancing up when I stop walking and turn back to him. My insides tighten, he never uses my full name.

Adam carries on, and Nate doesn't speak again until the secretary has left the room and the door has closed behind him. I'm in trouble.

He's in full Crown Prince mode, and I prepare for a telling off like I would a punch to the guts, tightening my core and holding myself firm.