When All is Lost

18.

As soon as we're inside, he drops his arm and sits me in a pew as far from the doors as possible. For a moment he looks like he's going to speak, to question what just happened but the sound of the crowd outside brightens and I assume Queen Elissa has arrived. Luckily she didn't witness her stepson and friends fighting at her husband's funeral. My trusty guards appear, and with their arrival Nate heads to the door, greeting every guest as they enter the cold church.

My whole body hurts as I shift uncomfortably. Did that even happen? I wonder. If it had, then how? Why? Did anyone notice the shadows? What happened with the shadows? I sit for what feels like a long time, watching as people file in. No one notices me or glances my way.

I feel utterly wretched. The King was poisoned. With magic. My friends think I'd engineered the whole thing to become Queen, and Tommy hates me so much that he physically attacked me. Nate is right to be annoyed. We look like amateurs and we're supposed to be in charge of the country.

I need to speak with my father, my note must have reached him by now, I need his answer.

Adam and Tommy appear, haloed by the light shining through the arched doorway and I know Nate must be close. Adam motions for me to join them and I walk over, avoiding Tommy who studiously ignores me. I hesitate when I see the coffin being carried up the steps. The crowd is silent now, respectfully saying their goodbyes to a King who made radical choices that have affected every person here.

"Walk down the aisle with Nate, don't do anything but walk, sit, and leave once it's done," Adam whispers to me, his voice firm and I know these orders come from Nate.

I nod, and my "friends" leave me alone to wait for him.

The coffin is carried by a General from each military discipline. They walk sedately; each step taken in perfect synchronisation with the others. Slowly they ascend the wide stone steps of the cathedral and the importance of focusing on this moment becomes abundantly clear to me.

Right now, nothing matters but letting Nate say goodbye to his father. I recall the man who came to see me last night, tired and exhausted, needing someone. I know somewhere inside the perfect posture and regal stance that man is hurting. I'm the only one who sees him and an aching hurt slips through the bind, overtaking me as I yearn to protect him from his own grief.

The Generals carrying the coffin pass me and Nate appears at the top of the steps. His eyes fixed on the wooden box resting on the men's shoulders. I slip into step beside him, my hands clasped in front of me, not daring to touch him. Behind us, I hear a hiss of breath as the Queen sees my movement, and for a moment I doubt my orders.

Adam said to walk down the aisle with Nate, I'm doing that, and now there is no easy way not to do it. Just as I doubt my choice Nate reaches and takes my hand. My whole body relaxes as I realise he wants me there, and the Queen is just being the Queen.

The walk down the central aisle takes much longer than I expected. Everyone stares as we pass, a few courtiers turn to each other to whisper. My veil is long gone in all of the drama, so all hope of hiding my face is futile. Here I am, clearly walking with the royal family, at the funeral of the King. If this doesn't announce our marriage, I don't know what will. We arrive at the front few seats and I follow Nate to the right, the Queen sits to the left.

Not a good sign, I think.

During the service I try to remain still, Nate holds my hand in his, resting them on his leg. My body hurts from the tackle I received earlier. The pain is a pulsing ache but the service calms me. The priest's voice is soothing, and his words comfort me. I take a shaky breath, shifting a little and forcing myself not to wince when pain races through my side. Today is proving to be a difficult day, and I have to focus on Nate.