The Retreat | Enha multi ship

[Chapter 30]

It really wasn't abnormal for Jungwon and Jay to spend multiple days without talking, however, this situation felt a bit different than usual. They were on the brink of something; something that wasn't good at all. If they kept avoiding each other, what would stop them from doing it for the rest of their lives? 

Gaeul was right, they needed to have this conversation, even if it would be tough on both of them. It was time to put everything out on the table, and see where that left them. It may have been bad timing, but Jungwon wanted to do it before the party tonight. He couldn't sit through another night of hiding his feelings.

Jungwon anxiously walked up the steps of Jay's cabin. He had heard from Sunghoon that he was in there alone, so this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him. It took a few seconds for Jungwon to build up enough courage to knock the door. When he eventually did, he heard Jay shout 'come in' pretty quickly.

"Hey..." He mutters as he opens the door, seeing Jay immediately straighten up from his slouched position on his bed. "Can I talk to you?"

Jay simply responds with a head nod and a hum, gesturing for Jungwon to sit on the bed across from him. This was important, so they needed to face each other. 

A long sigh escapes Jungwon before he speaks. "I'm not sure if you're still mad about Junhyuck, but even if you are, he's not the only thing we need to talk about."

"I'm not mad at the hug, I'm mad at the situation. I feel disrespected." Jay states sternly. 

"Disrespected by what? It meant nothing." Jungwon blurts out, actually shocked by that response. He really thought Jay would apologize by now. 

"Yeah but I can't hug people like that because you'll get annoyed. Why is it different for you?" Jay shuffles forward, as if he was getting more invested in the conversation. 

Jungwon had to use all of his self restraint to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Okay, even if I am in the wrong, it doesn't mean you get to throw a hissy fit and chuck sweets at me." 

"You're deflecting like you always do." Jay huffs, swiping his tongue over his top teeth before speaking again. "You can never just be in the wrong without dragging me into this."

"I'm not dragging you into this! I'm making a point-"

"And what's that point? Jay's the bad guy yet again!" Jay cuts Jungwon off with a rather harsh voice raise, that leaves them both in silence for a moment.

Jungwon could see where this was going. The conversation had barely started, and they were already shouting at each other. It sucked, and usually he would just leave at this point, but knowing how important this was, he stayed put. 

"Alright, if this is how it's going to be, just let me get what I need off my chest, and then we can fight about it after." Jungwon's request is silently granted by Jay, who just waves his hand in a way to tell him to go ahead. "I'm tired, really fucking tired of this stupid game we're playing. Are we dating? Are we not? Some days you act like I don't exist. I know you care about me, but is it enough? because our relationship shouldn't be like this."

"No it shouldn't." Jay responds without hesitation. "I'm as fed up as you, we can't keep doing this."

"Then how do we fix it? I really wanna fix it." Jungwon sounded almost desperate, his vulnerability taking over. He hoped that Jay would share the same desperation, but the boy seemed unaffected by his plea.

"You've gotta own up to your shit- hold on." Jay stops Jungwon from interrupting. "You said your peace, now it's my turn. You need to stop complaining about the lack of effort I put in, because you are just as bad as me. Like you got annoyed I didn't get you anything for Valentines, well what did you get me? Nothing. Plus you're always picking fights for no reason. I don't want to have to keep apologizing for minor shit that shouldn't even be a problem. We don't communicate, we lie to each other, and you literally flirted with another guy. This is a hefty bunch of stuff to fix."

Tears welled up in Jungwon's eyes, faced with the reality of what their relationship really was. This is what Jay thought about him. There was so much bottled up resentment, that it actually shocked Jungwon to the point of tears. 

"I just wanted confirmation that you really care about me, but it seems like you just wanna make me feel bad." Jungwon whimpers. No matter how many times he wiped away his tears, they kept falling. 

"For fucks sake Jungwon! For once, I'm actually saying how I feel!" Jay stands up from his bed in frustration, walking over to his back pack, he pulls out a notebook, and places it next to Jungwon. "Read that if you don't believe I care about you." He says, finally turning around, and leaving the cabin.

Jungwon's sobs get louder as Jay disappears, so overwhelmed with how bad this talk had gone. He didn't know why Jay had left this notebook, but if it would get him some answers, then he had to read it. His shaky hands pick up the book, laying it neatly on his lap, he flips open the first page, and begins to read.  

"Relationships are complicated son, you'll understand when you're older." I remember my dad telling me this after my parents got divorced, and I don't think he realized how much those words would affect me. I'd think about them every time I'd watch a Disney film, with the most perfect fairy tale ending, or when I'd watch a TV series, with the most dramatic on and off again couple you could ever imagine. Would I have a happy ending? Would I make it through the hard times? Or would I end up like my parents?

I was fourteen when I met Jungwon. I had just moved to a new school, and he was in my class. I remember feeling my heart speed up, like it was gonna burst out my chest, all because he waved at me. I always thought I would fall in love with a girl, like in the fairy tales. So I wondered if this was what my father would refer to as complicated. The world tried to condition me to want anyone but him, and still, he was the only person on my mind.

A crush is so simple, you end up taking it for granted. How did I find the courage back then to tell him I loved him? All we do is fight now; he hates me half the time. I try to tell him how much I care, but I can only muster up a few words at a time. 

My mother cheated on my father, My father cheated on his girlfriend, My mothers boyfriend cheated on her. It's so easy to find someone else, I fear that If I don't get my act together, he'll leave me, and he fears the same. Is this the 'complicated' my father was referring too? I know this isn't normal, two people in a healthy relationship wouldn't fear such a thing. 

But I love him, so no matter how complicated, I can't see myself letting go. 

With a slam, Jungwon shuts the book. He could hardly see through the tears streaming down his face. He truly knew now, that all of this could have been avoided, if they just said how they felt earlier. 

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Even though this was a bit of a heavier chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it still! Tysm for 5k reads, It means a lot to me.