When The Rain Falls

Chapter Twenty-Two

George left me alone not long after, suggesting I take my lunch in my bedroom rather than in the dining room with everyone else. I was hardly in a position to argue. Although my breathing had stabilised and my hands had stopped shaking, my mind still spun faster than I wanted it to. I had hoped it would calm down, but that seemed unlikely until I dealt with the other issues.

After lunch, I sat on the window seat, hugging my knees against my chest and the windows thrown wide open. I would have to face Father that afternoon. If I put it off, I knew I would never do it and George was right about me needing to fix our relationship before it became impossible to solve. I just didn't know the best way to approach him.

Father had never been an easy person to talk to. Over the years, I found it easier to not tell him a thing, and it worked for the two of us rather well. We had been close when I had been younger, but he always expected far more of me than I was willing to give him. I wasn't the son he wanted, and he always resented me for it.

I sat on the window seat and tried to figure out the best way to approach him. George had informed me that he would be in his study all afternoon, which gave me the perfect opportunity to speak to him; I just needed to find the words. If I could have written it all down and handed it to him, it would have made my life far easier, but Father would never allow me to do that. He wanted me to speak to him.

The afternoon slowly ticked away from me, and I knew I was wasting time. I huffed, climbing off the window seat and standing up. I quickly straightened my clothing, redid my top button, and left the room. Almost immediately, I wanted to return to my room and window seat. I wanted to curl up with one of my books and ignore the world. No matter how much I might have wanted to do it, I couldn't.

I walked down the hallway, knotting my hands in front of me and taking several deep breaths as I came to a stop outside Father's study. I knocked lightly. The tremble returned to my fingers.

"Enter," Father said from within.

I twisted the door handle and stepped inside. Father looked up from his desk, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Nathaniel? What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if we could talk."

"Very well." He gestured to the chair opposite him. "Take a seat."

Father placed his pen down and shuffled his papers out of the way. He removed his glasses and sat back in his chair. Amusement danced in his eyes. I crept forward, closing the door behind me. I clenched my fists at my side and tried to keep my breathing as steady as I could. The last thing I needed was for Father to see me in the state I had been in just a few hours before. He was already disappointed in me and I had no intention of making it any worse.

"Where were you at luncheon?" he asked.

"I ate in my room. I was studying and didn't want to stop."

George thought it best that I lie rather than tell the truth, but Father always saw through my lies. I bit the inside of my cheek as he raised an eyebrow at me. If he didn't believe me, then I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Lying had never been my strong suit and I could already feel the pressure from his stare building up inside me.

"Very well." He cleared his throat. "What do you wish to discuss? I'd have thought you would be too busy with Miss Edwards."

"Alice is with her." I wiped my hands — my palms now slick with sweat — on my trousers. "I wanted to discuss the other day, about Miss Marlow."

"My decision on that particular topic is final, Nathaniel. The Marlow's will be coming for supper in two days' time and I am not going to cancel."

"I wasn't going to ask you to cancel."