Foolish one

Chapter 6

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"Are you showering today? You finally get to experience the amazing Barcelona vibe in the showers." Alexia asked excitedly. "Yes. I was planning to go to the beach after and then a shower felt necessary." I explained. I was currently standing with my towel in front of me, covering the space left behind by the removal of my shirt. "And you didn't tell us? Because if you did, we all would have joined you." Alexia complained loudly. "I didn't know that." I replied to her. At the same time I started to unpack my bag a bit, putting my bikini on top of my clean clothes and the dirty kit in the bottom of my bag. "If you wait a bit I'll join you. We have to make a short trip past my house to pick up my bikini. I hope you don't mind that." she suggested.

It was a good idea to be honest. I wouldn't have to be alone on the beach. Company was always enjoyable. Not that I would mind being alone, that meant I could read my book in silence and listen to what everyone else had to say. "If you want to." was my answer. Because it really was up to her. I wanted her there, but I couldn't say that. "Then I'll join you. We wait for each other after the shower and then we'll make our way together. Okay Elisa?" she asked. Well, it wasn't much of a question, more a statement of sorts. "That sounds great Alexia." I said and we both concentrated on our own stuff.

I got into the shower quite quickly, the cold water was a great contrast to the Barcelona heat. I rinsed through my hair, planning to wash it after the beach. My lemon soap filled the showers with the familiar scent of cleanliness. "Can I borrow some?" Aitana asked when she walked into the showers. "I forgot mine at home and yours is the best smelling one." she continued with a smile. "Of course," I responded while handing her the bottle. "Thank you, Elisa!" she called out with a smile that could light up any room. Soon after I grabbed my towel and dried myself off as good as I could. I put on my bright orange bikini and on top of that a linen set with shorts and a button up that I left unbuttoned. I braided my hair into two French braids to get it out of the way. I added some waterproof mascara and called it a day. Alexia was still not done.

She was standing in her underwear and was searching through her bag for something. It was only the two of us left, everyone else had already showered and walked out. "Are you looking for something special? Maybe I have something you can borrow?" I asked her. "Turns out I got my period during practice. Any chance you got a tampon?" she asked. I could see the stress in her eyes, and I knew I wanted nothing else than for that stress to disappear. "I think so, I'll check." I answered and started searching through my bag. Going without any was not ideal at all.

I always carried both pads and tampons just incase I or someone else needed them. After a minute of searching, I found the small bag that contained them, as well as new underwear and painkillers. "Take what you need." I said and threw thee bag to Alexia. "Gracias" she said before disappearing towards the toilets. I sat down and scrolled through my Instagram while waiting for her. A few minutes later she walked out and handed me the bag back. It didn't take long after that until she was ready.

"I'll still join you, don't worry about that. I have to change into a bikini, and something better suited for the beach." she told me when we walked towards her car. "Thank you. And thank you for not saying anything earlier." I said. I hated talking about it. "I wouldn't do that. It's your thing to decide when you want to talk about it. We can't force it out of you." Alexia explained with that always present smile that could calm me down in a second. "I'll remember that Alexia." I answered with a smile.

We got into her car, and she put on some music. I sat in the passenger seat of her Cupra and it reminded me of how much I wanted a car. It was something I needed to get as soon as possible. A car was higher on my priority list than an apartment, even though I needed one. "I have a question." I blurted out. "Ask it then." Alexia responded in a cocky tone. "What is more important for me to buy, a car or an apartment?" I asked her. "You still live with your parents?" she asked back, not answering my question. "No, I live with my sister and her boyfriend. And you should answer my question, Alexia." I told her. "An apartment is great, since you get more privacy than when you live with someone. You can always take the bus or a train whenever you need to go somewhere. I would go for the apartment and after your next paycheck you can always try to find a car. There are some places that sell used cars, way less expensive than buying a new one." she explained. "How did you manage to get this car? It looks expensive." I asked her. "It's sponsored." Alexia answered. A player like her must have several sponsors. I on the other hand had none yet. A starting debut would be good for me. Companies like Nike and Adidas looked for that in the players they sponsored.

I had been in contact with Adidas and the last time we spoke they would talk to me again when I started a game for Barcelona. A place in the national team would also do me good. Or maybe just a spot at a camp.

When we got to Alexia's apartment she quickly changed into different clothes. The we were on our way to the beach. She had chosen a somewhat secluded one outside of Barcelona. "I thought it would be more comfortable to be somewhere with less people. I know it is for me at least." she explained while driving. "I feel the same. Barceloneta is beautiful, but there is always so many people there. When I'm with someone as widely recognized as you people will probably want to say hi." I told her jokingly. "It's really annoying at times." Alexia said without even looking my way.

When we arrived at the beach the sun was still shining, and it was almost empty. That wasn't unexpected since it was in the middle of the week. We sat our towels and bags down at an empty spot. No one even looked our way. We probably looked like two friends and not two Barcelona players.

The entire afternoon was spent there, playing in the water and tanning. Who would have known that Alexia liked playing in the waves? We earned a lot of looks from the other visitors, not that we cared. More people looked at me than at Alexia, it had everything to do with the scars covering my arms. I had learnt to live with that. Maybe someday I would have the confidence to play without a longer shirt.

"How can you be so confident all the time?" I asked, not even believing the words that came out of my mouth. "I realized that people are always going to be pointing out your mistakes and blame you for them. Life gets easier if you don't do it yourself, even though it's hard at times. But it's not something that happens over a night. You got to love yourself before you can love someone else. Loving yourself makes everything easier." she responded. It was quite poetic. "But it's hard." I told her. "I know Isa." Alexia answered while rubbing my hand. We laid there side by side. Her hand was rubbing circles on mine. It was silent for long times, but never uncomfortable. No, the silence was comfortable. When we spoke, it was mostly about useless things. Like our next game, the practice we had attended and weather or not I would be playing the next game.

The drive home was filled with us dancing and singing along to music. She dropped me off before going back to her place. My sister wanted to know everything that had happened today and how it was at the beach. We discussed that while having dinner together. I cleaned the dishes and Daniela took Sofia to bed. The rest of the night was spent on the couch with us all watching Friends together. A calm ending to the day.

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A vise person once told me "Du måste älska dig själv innan du kan älska nån annan" (You can't love anyone until you love yourself) and it stuck with me. The person who said it means a lot to me and we have fallen out a bit and I miss her a lot. 

Also I celebrated 4 years of having my period a while back. Four years of pain and bleeding through pants. No happy parts, since I'm a lesbian and kind of don't want to carry a child. 

Had an injury flare up. My ligament is not working as it should and it's really annoying plus painful.

Do you have something someone said that has stuck with you?

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