Foolish one

Chapter 12

The next month was very busy for me. I attended all the classes I could, while still prioritizing football and at the same time I looked for an apartment. I had managed to find an apartment to move into almost directly. I had been promised the keys this weekend, and me and my sister would buy furniture and move my stuff as soon as possible. It would only be the two of us, the rest of my teammates would leave for international break after the weekend. We had an away game on Sunday and would be needing to leave early on Saturday. That meant my sister would have to pick up the keys.

Not that it mattered, she would gladly do it for me. And I was just happy to finally be able to live on my own. My sister was a bit more opposed to that fact. But I had way less frequent nightmares, and they were all manageable. The panic attacks were also fewer and the time since I had a relapse just continued growing longer. Facts that made her agree that my decision was a wise one.

It was early morning when Alexia picked my up. My bag was packed with everything I would need, as well as stuff that was there if something happened. Like several outfit changes if I hated whatever I had decided on wearing. Not that I thought there would be a lot of time to wear anything else than my training overalls or kit.

We spent the car ride listening to music. I had grown more comfortable with her, playing whatever music I wanted to play and singing along with Alexia. "When are you moving into your new apartment? And do you need us to help you move in?" she asked out of the blue. "I'm moving in as soon as possible. Me, my sister and her boyfriend are going to be painting and putting up wallpaper over international break. I know you will be away with the national team and so will the rest of our teammates, I don't expect any of you to help," I answered. I didn't expect their help, I could do it with the help of my sister and Marcus.

"When I get back, I can help you with what's left," Alexia offered, and earned a smile from me. "You don't have to," I answered her. "I want to," she said while grabbing my hand softly. Her touch sent shivers down my spine. It was amazing how comfortable she made me feel. That was such a good quality in a friend. I loved her so much.

We sat next to each other on the train, watching a movie together. We had started watching the Hunger Games on our last trip and wanted to continue with it. I sat on the window seat, and she sat on the aisle seat. Something we had established during the first trip. I had ended up sitting backwards and had spent the entire time throwing up. That was until Mapí switched with me and I could sit facing the right way.

Pathetic I know.

I watched the movie with her for the first hour of the journey. The lack of sleep was getting to me, and my eyes soon got heavy. Before I knew it, I was asleep. My head was resting on Alexia's shoulder, and soon enough she covered me with her jacket. Keeping my always cold body slightly warmer. It was a small thing, something I wouldn't remember when I woke up. But in my half-asleep state I couldn't help but to feel grateful.

"Isa, wake up sweetie" Alexia whispered while softly shaking my shoulders. The light was a stark contrast to the darkness of my sleep. Instead of waking up I buried my head in her shoulder, shielding my eyes from the light. "Five more minutes, Ale" I mumbled. "We are already there. I let you sleep for as long as possible, Isa" she said. That was considerate of her. "Thank you, Ale" I responded.

When we arrived at the hotel, we found out who we would be rooming with. I had been assigned to room with Ottilia, something I kind of liked. She had invited me to her apartment a while ago. She and I sat on her couch, watching a movie with her cats. After that we had been out for coffee several time. She even helped me with my math. Ottilia had turned out to be the only who understood math, and the only one who could help me.

I dumped my bag on the bed closest to the door. It was way less cold there than the bed closest to the window, which Ottilia preferred. "We have an hour until we need to be down for training. What do you want to do?" she asked. "I have no idea" I answered with a smile. The two of us ended up tormenting Mapí and Alexia until they decided to play cards with us. The intense game lasted for an hour and ended with Ottilia throwing the cards at the rest of us when loosing. I won that game and preformed an intense victory dance. I was not a good winner. I was also not a good looser.

Training was long and uneventful. There were a lot of shooting and passes. As well as some recovery and preparation for tomorrow. We also played a few games which my team ended up winning. For once I wasn't in a long sleeve. I had decided to give up on covering it. Embracing what I had been through. Not that I would answer any questions about it right now. I was embarrassed about why I had done it.

We all showered in the changing room, instead of doing it in our rooms. The environment was so enjoyable. Everyone sang and danced together. Ottilia had put on some Swedish songs and tried to translate them for us. We all failed miserably, and Ottilia had quite a time watching us Spaniards sing in broken Swedish.

The singing continued on the bus. I thought I nailed the song when it came on for the third time. Ottilia thought otherwise and put the video of me and Aitana singing "Din tid kommer" by Håkan Hellström on her story. The two of us reposted the video on our own stories. It was a fun way to remember the night.

For dinner we had pasta. There were several different options to pick. You could choose what kind of protein you wanted and what kind of sauce. I decided on chickpeas and chicken in a pesto sauce. We all sat at our usual tables. Mine consisted of me, Alexia, Mapí, Aitana, Ottilia and Patri. Quickly we all fell into light conversation. Our favourite topic was the card game we had played earlier. Ottilia turned red as soon as we begin talking. "Don't be embarrassed. We all love you, Otto. Even though you are Swedish" I said. Earning laughter from the entire group and a big hug from Ottilia.

"And I love you, Ottilia. Even though you play as a central defender and never score goals" Ottilia said when she pulled away from the hug. "At least I save goals, unlike someone else" I retorted laughing. "But it way more fun to score the goals" Alexia said, joining the conversation. "Well, if you didn't have defenders like me and Elisa, you would never win anything. Because your defence would be non-existent" Mapí complained. It was turning into a full-on fight. "How about we all agree that everyone is important both on and off the pitch" I suggested, breaking up the fight.

The rest of the evening we spent in Alexia's and Mapí's room. I was sat on one of the beds with Alexia. She sat behind me, and I rested against her chest, with my entire body placed between her legs. Aitana and Mapí was sitting on the other bed. Aitana was having her head on Mapí's shoulder. On the couch Ottilia and Patri were sitting. We were discussing who would score tomorrow. I was totally sure that Alexia would score. Her bet was that Patri and Aitana would score. The night ended soon after. With us all leaving for our own rooms.

When I laid down on my bed, I could hear Ottilia tossing and turning. "Are you okay?" I asked her. "I'm missing my family a lot. It's difficult living this far away from them, and never being able to see them. I just have so much to do here, and they have a lot at home." she confessed. "I get that. I haven't talked to my dad since I was ten and my mom passed away a year ago. It's very difficult to go on by my day, thinking about how they will never see my achievements" I confessed to her. "Come here" she said and patted on a spot right next to her.

We spent almost an hour talking about our pasts. I told her stuff I hadn't told many people. Like what happened to my parents, my self harm and the nightmares. In return she told me about her panic attacks and how much she hated being away from her family. The two of us fell asleep in the same bed, curled up together and with tears in our eyes.

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Anyways, do you all enjoy this book?

Are the longer chapters better than the shorter ones?

What is your favourite Tv-show?

My life is going quite shit at the moment. I have been injured for 8 weeks, school is hard. I have 2 finals and a few big essays and tests in the next weeks. And I also got my period, and have been having the worst cramps as well as nausea for the past days. 

I agreed to be part of a lucia train and I am regretting that. Because I am sick, I can't sing, and I have big tests that I need to study for.

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