Xalia Squalor; because sometimes being in is not enough

I hate cars for many reasons, but let's pretend it's because I like nature

I sit in the middle seat of the front, in between the drivers seat and the passenger seats. The hench people all join me in the car, muttering quietly. I ask, "Where's mum? Where's Olaf? Why are not a single one of you happy?"
"Well," the hench person of no intermediate gender sighs, "Unfortunately, In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's philosophical and literary principles."
I look at them, confused, and they continue, "It went horribly. Boss's identity was found out again, and that's rough. Here they are now-"
Mum and Olaf throw themselves in the car as mum screams, "MOVE! GO! GO!"
Olaf presses the accelerator, and screams as we speed off. I cling to the car as we speed, and I groan as Olaf turns a sharp left. Mum screams, "OLAF I SWEAR! YOU'VE GOT A CHILD IN THIS CAR AND TWO ORPHANS ON TOP OF IT. ARE YOU THICK?"
Olaf slows down ever so slightly, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Part of me wants to ask for details, but the other part of me knows that Olaf would happily throw me out a moving car, so I'll sit tight.

                                                                               ***
Four hours later, and I'm so over it. Olaf is practising monologues, mum is complaining, and the hench people are all having a conversation about who knows what. I groan, "Where are we actually going?"
"To a town," Mum sighs, "But Olaf can give you more details, can't you, Olaf?"
Olaf explains, "We're going to a town that the Baudelaires wont be able to help going to. VFD. Something about ravens, or robins or something-"
"Crows," Mum sighs.
"Crows," Olaf continues, "But who cares. The orphans will think it's the stupid organisation, and we're going to get out of there so soon."
"Isn't it marvellous?" Mum squeals, "I needed a break in a getaway car. The city was so dirty, wasn't it Xalia May?"
"So dirty," I nod. I've got to stop parroting what mum says. I'm my own person. Mum continues speaking, and I roll my eyes. I am my own person. I am my own person. I am... looking out the back window along with everyone else. Olaf groans, "I said don't look! Never mind now. It's a taxi?"
"Yeah," The hook handed man says, "It's been following us for about a mile."
"And you didn't say anything?" I scoff, "Honestly, Olaf, your help is rubbish. Well, whoever it is certainly seems to be obeying the speed limit, and all driving laws. Olaf, you should take after them."
Olaf groans, "There's only one taxi driver I know who cares about obeying the law. Stupid Snicket. There's a shortcut here."
I scream as Olaf takes a sharp left turn, and I groan as he falls into me. Mum sighs, "What's the word for a large number of crows? I saw it in a tv show once. I never read. It might've been a book..."
"Murder," I sigh.
"Xalia May, you have some good suggestions," Olaf smirks, "Here we are!"
"No?" I splutter, "I- what? I wasn't- I was answering- no? No, I wasn't suggesting you murder anyone. I... have you ever maybe read a book or used your brain?"
Olaf looks at me as we get out the car, and thinks. Then he says, "I used to."
"Read a book or used your brain?" I scoff. Olaf glares at me, and I follow his gaze to a saloon. I swear, Olaf has done neither. Slowly, I enter the saloon, stepping carefully up to the bar. I sit on it as everyone files in and Olaf smirks, "A saloon is a perfect place to hide until we find the orphans."
"Oh! A pole," Mum spins round a pole, "Are you sure this wasn't a club?"
"That's a fire pole, love."

Mum steps away from it, beaming. She looks at the pictures, and I watch as everyone brings their luggage in. A man's coughing echoes through the saloon, and I shove everyone behind the bar as I greet him. Quickly, I tie a bandana round my mouth and groan, "Howdy... what can I get for you?"
The orphan's banker man says, "I would like your strongest and coldest sarsaparilla."
"One sassy chinchilla coming up," I roll my eyes and take one out of the drinks out of mum's hands, "What brings you to these parts?"
"I am delighted to tell you that the Baudelaires are now all yours!"
I scoff, "That was easy-"
"And everyone else's, of course," The banker continues, "I've just delivered them to this town for the guardianship program. Mazel tov!"
"Yeah, mhm," I Smile, before realising he can't see under the bandana. Then, Olaf pops up next to me, wearing a fake beard. He sighs, "I've always wanted orphans. This morning, I was just a lonefulsome bartender, and now I have a fortune..."
I elbow him in the ribs and he groans, "Of children! A fortune of children, if that is what you call a group of them. Okay, last call. Anything else I can get you, beside the check?"
The nosy banker man shakes his head, before handing over the money and me a little tip. I smirk as he leaves, groaning as Olaf rips it out my hand. I snap, "Mum!"
Olaf directs his hench people round, and I demand, "Give me my money back!"
"It's mine," Olaf hisses. I snap, "I was the one who spoke to him. Give. Me. The. Tip. It customary to give a tip to the nicest child in the building, and unless you want to give money to the orphans, who may I just remind you, you are trying to get money from, hand it over."
Olaf shoves the money into my hands, and I smile as he groans, "Remember, this is a small town, filled with regular people. We need to blend in, like normal upstanding people. We are respectable. The bonnet is too much."
I follow Olaf's gaze, raising my eyebrows at the hench people's outfits. Mum smiles at me, and squeals, "I've got a matching outfit for you! Come with me, and be amazingly dazzled!"
Dazzled...