Fear Files

Rather Intense Childhood

This is something that I have been dealing with as long as I can remember, and it feels like for some reason these darker things are coming back into my life. I don't know whether they are following me or have always been attached to me. Either way, I know they are no figment of my imagination and I hardly ever share this story so the attention-seeking thing is not in the intent either. Maybe you could offer me some advice after you read my story?

I guess it mainly started when I moved into the house I grew up in, which was in a rural area in Utah called Spanish Fork. We moved there when I was about three and, yes, I actually do remember it. God has blessed me with a very long term memory.

It's a pretty decent-sized house: four bedrooms, two bathrooms, two floors on a about 1 1/2 acre property. The first thing I remember is that I would hear people talking, like having a conversation. Back then I thought it was my mommy and daddy just being loud, and I would go look and want to play with them too, but they would be dead asleep. I thought that they were telling secrets, so I would get mad when I got back in bed. I would hear it again and get even more mad cause I felt ignored, but mom and dad were still fast asleep when I went to go check. My little brother is three years younger than me, so I knew that the only people who could be talking were my parents, or so I thought.

The night it started going bad was one of the scariest moments of my life. I am the oldest in my family and am very protective over my siblings. I would literally take a bullet for them, every time. This particular night was the first time I saw 'them' or 'it'. I woke up to someone opening my door and I instantly knew it wasn't my parents.

When the dark mass/figure came into the room I felt danger, and knew its intent wasn't good. It went straight to my brothers crib and I know I should have screamed for help, at that age its very natural to do. But I didn't, I'm not sure why, but I actually got off my bed and in some form of a four year old's language I said, "Don't hurt him, hurt me." And that's all I can remember of that night.

Looking back now, I think it makes sense on why these things mainly focused on me. As a toddler, I didn't know I was inviting something in. I just knew that it is my job to keep my baby brother safe.

After that things intensified. Almost every night I was visited by some sort of figure, sometimes many. They would walk around my room, try to pull me out of bed, growl, hiss, say my name, scratch and throw me against the wall. After a few blessings from my father I learned that if I prayed, they could not touch me in bed. It was almost like my bed was a 'safety zone'. Other times I would grab my doll (another thing that oddly I felt protected by) and if it got too intense and I wanted to go sleep in my parents' room they would come swarm around my bed and block my path. Almost every night I would try to scream or flee to my parents' room and sleep on the floor next to my dad. And when I did make it out of bed they, of course, would follow me, or many times even stop me by pushing me down or making the door impossible to move so it wouldn't open. I, then, would try to run back in my bed or call for help.

They were very smart and would try to trick me from getting out of my 'safety zone'. They would appear as children saying, "Come play with us, Christina" or, the scariest thing to me, as my parents. One particular instance I remember of this is when I woke up to see my dad in my room holding out his hand, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking straight ahead, but his hand was out towards me. I got out of bed, and when I went to touch him I stopped because instantly the thought popped in my head, "No, Christina, don't!" and I was frozen in fear and the imposter starting smiling and the best way I can describe it, began to melt into something big and black. I instantly got back into bed. Honestly, after that, when the sun would go down I was a little scared of my amazingly loving parents cause I didn't know if it was truly them or not.