Lone Wolf's End (McKayla Series Book 1)

Chapter 18~Alpha...Maybe

Mckayla

Watching Jace and Marie leave wasn't easy for me. I wasn't brave to admit it but I needed them here. They had been the ones to bring me back enough times that I was still alive. As an enforcer for pretty much the entire layer of the United States, I always ended back up at Jace's pack. They knew even though I was afraid and prideful to admit, I needed them and enjoyed their company.

Nina had called for the pack to meet back in one hour and the hour seemed to zoom by, leaving me with fifteen minutes to be by myself. I had avoided talking to Nina and she noticed. She didn't seem pleased with the space I left between us and she was becoming agitated, being vague and forcing a smile to those around her. I was being a coward; afraid to tell her how I felt. Originally, I was planning on it, but I assumed I was caught up in the moment. A weak moment.

I couldn't admit I was beginning to let this pack influence me. I've been pushing out the pain they once caused, lost in the feeling of being near a pack. It was easy to fall comfortable with them.

I walked into the kitchen pouring me a glass of water and I wasn't alone for more than a few seconds when Rachel walked in.

I acknowledged her presence, taking a sip from my cup and then placing it over the counter near the stove. "I don't have time or the patience to be mad at you...so let's drop this."

Since coming back to this pack, let's just say, too much shit was going on. I came here to do a job, not expecting to open myself back up to anyone here. It was insane enough to find out I had a sister. I could handle that to a certain point. But...the only concern I had now was a daughter I never knew existed. Stepping inside that home my father built me, all that happened seemed to really penetrate my mind. I had a daughter. I was angry; more so at myself. I should have none. She was my flesh. How did I not feel her alive out there?

Too much thoughts were coursing through my mind. I had to go.

Fuck.

I had to break this cycle of wanting to stay and wanting to leave. It was easy to leave. Wanting to close myself away or open myself up wider. I had changed after the wolfsbane nearly took what was left of me. I changed for the better, but now I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Or maybe if I changed at all. Maybe I used the wolfsbane as a excuse in a twisted way to allow myself to be happy. My wolf allowed me to feel human for only a moment.

"Mckayla..."

I looked up at Rachel who was giving me a bizarre look.

"I'm not mad at you." I curved around the counter and Rachel gazed at me doubting my words. My hands seemed to shake with nervousness. I wasn't used to giving affectionate touches and my humanity to show care, evaporated. I patted her shoulder and Rachel laughed turning her giggles into sobs. Tears slid down her cheeks as she immediately pulled herself into me like I was her anchor. She was scared or in pain about something. My emotions were shut down enough; I couldn't figure it out. I felt tense and out of my own skin.

"I can't lose you," she cried into my shoulder and my heart felt heavy for a second. A good kind of heavy I assumed. The kind that told me I had completely let her in once and she was still in there; giving her a piece of me. "Our grams died and... please...you are the only one left." She was crying because of our grandmother's death and the fear of me leaving.

Did I really process this? Her death. I ran off for four days, but that was mainly because of some hidden daughter of mines and more secrets my grandmother kept from me. I was a child when I had her but it was no one's right to keep something this vital from me.

"Are you sure you want me as a sister?" I asked jokingly; the only way to take this pain from my chest. "I have a reputation for having a bad temper with sharp canines and claws."