Malicious Romance

Chapter 77

The bright sunlight heat up the sky as the morning bird sang their chirping songs. The cold breezy wind brushed lightly against the skin of a young woman as she walked on the soft grass casually. No matter how fresh the morning atmosphere around her was, it still did not seem to help free her from her whirlwind thought. In the yard of her friend's house, she proceeded speechlessly to sit on a wooden chair. Her eyes stared blankly at a pot of the beautiful lifeless daisies. Her breathing was shallow as her gaze continued to fixate on the fake flowers that rested on the glass table in front of her. 

Warm tears were quick to arise in both of her eyes as countless thoughts stirred her mind nonstop. She inhaled deeply when she felt like her nose began to get runny the minute her first drop of tear escaped the corner of her eyes.

Why do I feel so lost? Everything around me seems so lifeless and cold... I ran out of the house to live alone but now look at me... I am alone, and it felt so upsetting... I want to laugh at myself... I wished I am the one that got hurt and not my family... I wished the one who suffered and died would be me... I fucking hate myself more than anything else... I felt disgusted at my petty self. I should have been the one to blame... 

Without hesitation, she lowered her face into her palm.

I'm so sorry mom, dad, sister... I'm so sorry for everything I've done... I've realized my mistake now... I really don't know what to do without any of you here... My heart is breaking into millions of pieces... It's tearing me apart now that all of you are not here...

She began to hit her own head lightly when there seems to be no solution that could help her out. Her lips trembled meanwhile her tears ran across from them.

Please stay alive... Please stay alive for me... Let me see and talk to you at least one last time... You guys can hate me and do whatever you want to me... Please don't just disappear from me... I beg everyone and all of the entities out there... Please save my family... Take my life instead of theirs... I am the one that brought misery to them... I am the one that was stupid to think a romance and a love story with a mafia is possible without hurting anyone... This is hurting too much... This is stabbing me too deeply inside my chest... How can I live happily if my family died because of a useless person like me... This is too sudden for my family to fall apart... Why is it them that got hurt and not me... Why is it them that those mafia takes and not me... I hate this injustice world so much... What did my family even do wrong to deserve such a thing... Mom, dad, sister... Where are you guys? Has everything really had ended without me?... What should I do now that everyone is gone?

I felt so lost and hopeless... I don't know where to look anymore... Why is it that I am so stupid? If only I did not leave that day... If only I listened to dad about not getting involved with the Winchester family..., then nothing like this would have had happened... Now, I can't do anything besides sitting here crying like a fool...

Her lips parted a bit, giving a chance for her crying sound to escape her mouth. She hurried to seal her lips back together in order to suppress the crying sound that insists on leaving her oral. She raised both hands to wipe her uncontrollable warm tears from her wet cheeks before she curled her thin legs up close to her body.

What should I do now? What should I do... Whatever happens, just, please... I don't want to see my family lying lifelessly in front of me. This was never what I wanted... This was never how I planned for everything to turn out...

Thinking about it, has Dean found out about my family situation yet? How come I haven't heard anything back from him... What is he doing now? I miss him so much... so much that it hurts me. I don't have anyone else left... He is not abandoning me at this current moment, is he? Where is he now? Does he not want to contact me at all regardless of everything that had happened?... How could he just disappear without telling me?... How could he not answer my calls? What is he doing? I'm about to go crazy soon... Dean... Where are you?