More Than One [18+]

33.

Is this hell?

I expected it to be red and hot. But all I see is an endless, white room.

No.

This can't be hell. Is this some phase between life and death? Is it a test? Maybe they're testing if I should go to heaven or hell. Maybe I should just stay calm and keep my sanity.

I can't do that. This place is horrible. It would make you loose your sanity in less than two days and make you eat your toe or something.

But what if this is it? What if it isn't a test? What if this is the end destination and I'll be here forever? I don't see anybody.

This can't be it.

All the stories I've heard, all saying you meet your best dreams or your worst nightmares. This sure isn't my worst nightmare.

No, I already experienced my worst nightmare before I died.

Would they have found my body by now? What is their reaction? I feel guilty, but life just wasn't worth it anymore.

After so many time I lost count -days, weeks, months?- I hear something. A beep?

I listen more closely. Beep beep beep. It sounds like some... heart monitor?

Maybe it was a test. Maybe it's the angel's machine for counting time. "I'm still sane," I yell, but I don't think they hear me. I calm myself with the thought it's almost over.

The beep becomes more regular, and I hear more noises. Talking? I don't understand it the conversation. Are they deciding where I should go?

The beep slows down. Way down. And suddenly, there's nothing more. Silence.

But then, I feel something around me. Presence. Of who? No idea.

"What's happening? Why isn't beeping anymore?" A hysteric voice. Of who? No idea either.

"Or he's gone, or he's awake. But since he isn't opening his eyes... I'm sorry."

The first voice was familiar, this isn't. Waking up? Did I sleep?

Crying. I hear crying. A person is sobbing. Because I slept?

I feel warmth in my hand. I squeeze it, not knowing what it is. The sobbing stops. "He... he just squeezed my hand."

I did? So it's a hand...

I frown. I can't open my eyes, but I want to know where I am. With who I am. What is going on.

I open my eyes just half, blinded by the white. The presence around me changes, is more closer. "Owen?"

That's me.

I open my eyes a little bit more. The white fades, and the blurs of colors are... people? I frown and focus my eyes.

"He's awake! Guys, his eyes are open!" one of the people yells. I recognize them...

Aaron.

Ethan.

Elijah.

Jordan.

But no Scarlett. I close my eyes again. Of course. Why would she be here? Why did they save me? Wasn't it obvious I didn't want to live anymore?

"If you don't open those eyes in three seconds, I'm gonna scream until your ears blood," someone next to me threatens.

I frown and look next to me. Is she...? I gasp when I see Scarlett clinging to my side. Tears well up and I look to the other side, to my blanket.

Disappointment. That's what I feel. I'm not dead. I can't even do that good.

"Owen," she says, but I can't look at her. I look at the guys. "Guys, please,' I beg, my voice hoarse and a whisper.

They nod and walk out of the room. I start panicking. That's not what I meant! "No," I whisper, but they're gone. "Owen," she says again, but I really can't look at her. 

"Scarlett, please. Don't make this harder for me," I plead her. She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. Tears well up. "Scarlett..."

I don't come further than that. Sobs break through my mouth and I close my eyes. I can't look at her, it hurts too much. "Owen," she repeats. I sob, but she's still holding my chin. "Owen, look at me," she says firmly. 

I-I can't.

"N-no," I sob. "Owen, I wasn't talking about you," she sighs. So now we're lying? I harshly wipe my tears away, now looking at her. "Don't lie, Scarlett. It's hard enough I'm not dead. I can't handle your lies too."

She gasps, "Owen!" I roll my eyes. 

"Owen, I wasn't lying. I wasn't talking about you, but about Jules. My bodyguard? He makes your jokes but then wrong and I hate it." She rolls her eyes and squeezes my hand, which she is still holding.

What?

"And the always home late?" I whisper. I sit a little more up. She smiles. 

"He's always home late, because he always sticks around the house. It's so annoying, Owen. But it's cute when you come home late. You're so tired, your eyes almost close. And then you see me, get excited and run to me. Once, you almost tripped. And then we cuddle until you fall asleep, and you're cute when you sleep."

She has a smile while she tells me. I feel tears stream down my cheek. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I ruined it.

I sob again, but this time she hugs me and presses my head in her neck. "I-I'm so sorry," I cry. She plays with my hair. "It's fine, Owen, don't cry. Just don't ever do this again, okay?" I nod against her chest. "Never again, I promise."

The door opens and I hear the guys come in. I don't care, I can't stop crying in her arms. "Owen, it's okay," she whispers. I shake my head. I fucking ruined it. I hide my face in her neck, feeling my shoulders shake.

"I-I ruined it, didn't I?" I sob. She locks eyes with me and cups my face in her hands. She wipes my tears away and shakes her head. "No, Owen. You're pure, too pure sometimes. You pushed yourself away for others. But now is the time you should think about yourself and start healing here," she points at the scars on my arms," and here." She points to my head.

I nod. "Please help me? I can't do it alone," I beg her. She smiles. "Of course. I'll stay with you, all the time." That calms me and I rest my head against her chest again.

"Thanks."

She looks in my eyes. "I can help you right now?"  I frown, but nod. I don't think the black fug in my mind will disappear fast, but all little things help.

"I love you, Owen."