MATEO || bxb

- 12 -

| Mateo |

When I was younger and my parents were still together, and before mum changed, things had been amazing. I didn't have any siblings but I had Adrian, so it was close enough and my parents were always there for me enough that I never wanted for anything. My mum would look at me like I was the apple of her eye believe it or not.

Every Sunday, when we were all home together as a family, we'd go out to the park with my old childhood dog, Dot, and let her run around. Dad would swing me on the swings and mum would catch me at the end of the slide. Sometimes Adrian's family would join us and me and him would play fetch with Dot and Cam would ask to join in, but Adrian would tell him to go away. After a while I would feel bad seeing Cam sitting alone so I'd run over and give him the ball before Ade could protest and Cam would get this big smile on his face and mum would tell me she was proud of me for sharing.

Dad would put me on his shoulders on the walk back home with mum carrying Dot in her hands because Dot was only a little dog. We'd get home and watch movies together until dinner time where mum and dad made us all a Sunday roast. And if I finished my whole plate, I'd then get ice-cream, and we'd finish whatever movie we'd put on if we hadn't finished it already.

And when it finally got late enough for me to sleep, mum and dad would both tuck me into bed. Mum would kiss me on the forehead and dad would whisper, "Goodnight kiddo." And I'd go to sleep at a reasonable time and have pleasant dreams.

It had all been perfect. Every Sunday I still think about how those days used to be wishing I could be young again, feel the love of my parents again. I still felt dad's love, but he was thousands of miles away now. I don't know exactly when I felt like mum stopped loving me, but somewhere along the way she did.

I think I started to notice my parents arguing when I was maybe 11 or 12. I'd never really seen them argue before, so it was strange. And it started out as a gradual thing. A disagreement here and there that they couldn't seem to laugh of right away until they would have full on shouting matches while I sat on the stairs listening and wondering what went wrong and why they couldn't fix it.

And then when I had just turned 13, they sat me down and told me they were getting a divorce. Not even a separation to see how things would go. Just a straight up divorce and there was nothing I could do to stop them or stop the pain that I felt inside.

And then a few months later dad tells me he was moving back to Spain. He loves me and he'll always be there for me, but he missed his home, and he wants to go back because things here just feel a little too painful now. Of course, I was angry with him at first. I didn't talk to him for months, didn't even say goodbye before he left. But I missed him so much and he always called and one day I finally answered, and we started rebuilding our relationship again because I could feel mum detaching herself from me and I didn't want to lose both of my parents.

Dinners had gotten so awkward with mum after dad left. I'd try to start a conversation; tell her how school was and ask her about work. But every single time, she'd try to respond until she got angry at me 'pestering' her and shouted at me to go eat dinner in my room while she got a bottle of wine. After a while we got into a routine of her making dinner for both of us but eating separately. I didn't want to be around her while she was drinking anyway, and I was grateful that she at least still kept me fed. And luckily, most days I would go over to the Morris house instead and they would feed me.

I got my first job when I was 16. It meant less time at home, and I could become a little bit more financially dependent. When I didn't go to the Morris house, I could just buy food for myself. It was a little hard to manage my schoolwork and my job and my social life so I ended up neglecting schoolwork and not doing as well in my GCSEs as I would have liked. Things had been very hard for me mentally as well, the worst it's ever been at that age which led to some sad consequences.