the only time i feel i might get better (is when we are together) - ziam

Seventeen ･ﾟ✧

Liam put a hand behind his head and relaxed, "I can't exactly answer that question in full, considering I walked out during it and had a wank."

"Oh." Zayn blushed, chewing at his nails. He put his bag on his bed and got out his canvas from the other day featuring the Jack Russell and the Disney film, creating a little work area for himself, making sure that he didn't get any watercolours onto his bed sheets. "Didn't know."

"Yeah. You were 5 minutes away from walking in on me." Liam laughed, getting up. He swiftly put his ill-assorted shirt on and made his way into the small bathroom, running the shower and undressing in full before stepping into it. The door was half open but thankfully, not enough that Zayn could see in. "Disgusting." The quiet boy muttered and Liam huffed, "Heard that. It's stress relieving. Maybe you should try it."

"Don't need or want to. Plus.. I have other things I like that relieves stress for me. You know that." Zayn said, painting a light stroke down the canvas, focusing on the pale painted background.

"Yeah, yeah. I do. I was doing more research on it, by the way." Liam said, stepping out the shower with a towel loosely hanging around his waist, one breeze of fresh air and it would be on the floor. Zayn was sure of it.

Liam stood by the door and Zayn looked up at him, cautiously. "You can't see owt', don't worry. No need to look all panicked."

"Good. I don't want to see anything of yours. What research were you doing?"

"Should I be offended?," he teased and began, "And well, this whole caregiver thing. I looked into it more and I couldn't help but realise that... I have many traits a caregiver has." Zayn nodded, looking at his incomplete canvas and then back at the taller boy who was now grabbing some clean clothes to change into. He headed back into the bathroom, "And like, I didn't know I had a caregiver side to me... Or well, a caring side at all. You see, I told you that I mostly grow up on my own which meant that I didn't have anyone to care for, or to care about. So it feels-" he stuck his head out the door, half changed now, "strange. It feels different but I oddly like it. I really enjoyed caring for you the day that you were sick..." Liam put a shirt on and walked out, fully dressed now in a comfy shorts and shirt matching set, shocking Zayn that it was actually matched for once. "There is truly something about you, Zayn that just makes every single inch of me gravitate more and more towards you."

"Alright..."

"Now, I'm not asking to be your caregiver. I'm sure that's not what you want right now, plus I'm not experienced at all and would probably make some mistake, causing you to be upset. I often make mistakes..." Liam started once more, rambling on, "You know I make mistakes a lot. I looked at forums and little space seems like such a vulnerable space... I don't want to ruin that for you... But yeah, I did my research. And the caregiver term fits me nicely." He sighed softly, catching his breath as if he just spoke for England - which he practically did because he barely took a gasp of air throughout it.

Zayn chuckled, Liam blushed and sat next to him on his bed, "It means a lot to me that you spent time researching it. I really thought when I shared something like this with you, that you'd tell everyone and make fun of me. When I say this is my biggest secret, I really do mean it. The only person who knows is Louis like I mentioned before, and that's because Louis technically introduced me to it... I hope I will have no regrets telling you."

"I'm sure you won't. Your secret is mine and I won't tell anyone, not in a hundred years. When I researched, it said that caregivers have a space too and that space is equally as relieving as little space. I take it that's true?"

The boy nodded, "I assume so. I'd have to ask Louis but he slips into caregiver mode so easily. Like today when I was with him, I was chewing my nails and he instantly started telling me not to and that it was icky and stuff so maybe that caregiver mode is his space."

Liam bobbed his head in response and lay back on Zayn's bed, "Mm'Kay. Can I see your art yet?"

"Fine. It's a Jack Russell watching Disney films with m' teddy." Zayn said softly and shyly, the piece was very personal to him and Liam could see that. He reckoned no one else would acknowledge the fact it was so personal though, not unless they really knew him - which they didn't. "I like it. You are quite the artist."

"Thanks. I should hope so, I've dedicated the rest of my career towards it so-" Zayn laughed and Liam found himself rubbing Zayn's back subconsciously. Zayn just relaxed into the touch and continued the painting, "Do you want to watch a Disney movie now? I could put one on."

"Mmm' yeah. You can choose though. Don't make it, like, a scary one though?" Zayn asked, splattering some paint on the canvas to add the watercolour effect of sparkling stars and a glow reflection from the light on the television.

"Do Disney even have scary films?" Liam laughed to which Zayn nodded, shyly, "They do.. Some scare me."

"I know Coraline isn't Disney but I bet that scares you, Zayn. Am I right?"

"Unfortunately you very much are correct, it's terrifying. Gives me nightmares for days." He hummed, focusing on the smaller details of his painting. Mainly adding the finishing touches and background work. "I'll make note of not to put it on for you ever then."

Zayn grinned, looking up at him, "Chose a movie yet?"

"Nope. Still looking... Disney+ has a lot of options. Also, didn't know they had this much Marvel stuff on here.. Maybe I'll have to steal your Disney+ login." He beamed, flickering across the wide range of movies that Disney has to offer. "What's your opinions on.. Nemo?"

"It's alright. Bit scary." He blushed, looking at Liam who rolled his eyes in a teasing way. "Is everything scary to you?"

Zayn shrugged, "Pretty much."

"Well I'm putting on Finding Nemo." Liam uttered and put it on the shared television before putting the remote down and joining Zayn on his single bed, there wasn't much room now that he was laying down on it but he felt the need to be close to Zayn, he wasn't sure why but something made him feel like he had to be. Zayn glanced towards the TV and then back at his canvas, zoning out every so often in thought about the man sat near him. "Liam, I have a question?"

"What is it?" He replied, hands behind his head again. A leg up to his chest, all relaxed and comfy. It was his comfort position and some may say it's quite feminine but he would argue it was the opposite.

"Why is everything sexual with you? Like you're always... What's the word... Horny." He blushed, looking away like he had just said the biggest curse word possible which made Liam chuckle. "I'm hypersexual. Just how it is."

"What is that?"

"Remember when I said you were innocent? This is what I mean... Anyway hypersexual means that I'm basically addicted to sex... Wanking... The whole Shazam." He said, voice going quieter, "It's as a result of trauma, I swear I don't mean to be a massive whore like you probably think I am."

And at that, Zayn simply nodded and put away his canvas, sensing that Liam didn't want to discuss it any further. He didn't really understand what Liam meant but he knew that the last part didn't sound too pleasing. This lad really did have a lot to him and oh boy, he was intrigued to know more and more about him every single day, both the good and the bad parts. He found himself wanting to be there for him, similar to the way that Louis mentioned being there for Harry. He, himself had been through a lot but it seemed that Liam had been through worse and he wondered how long the lad had kept this to himself. Maybe they would be good for each and maybe he would in fact have to take up on Liam's idea of having a caregiver, and that caregiver in fact being him but for now, it's just a big thought and nothing more.

"You're not a whore. I don't think that." Zayn said under his breath, Liam simply watched him intensely, not talking anymore on the situation.

A/N: 1k reads! Something that I thought was unimaginable on a piece of my on work... It may not be a lot overall, but to me it's massive. Thank you to my active readers that comment on every single chapter, and thank you to those that stay quiet and simply enjoy it in their own time. Thank you! x