High School Fur - A gay furry coming of age story

Chapter 27

As the week went on the more and more I was convinced Jackson was avoiding me, we barely spoke in sports lesson, and then during football practice on Wednesday he was focused on the game and nothing else.

he'd not joined us for lunch all week, and the times we were together with others, he would focus his time with Phil or Bryson, often making a point not to stand near me

The only time I had to speak properly with Jackson was at night, and even then the calls were getting shorter and shorter each time, but when we were alone on the phone, everything was back like it was in Oakfield, like we were in the same room again, I wasn't mad at him anymore and I just wanted to listen to him talk.

The moment we would put the phone down I would recount all the times he had dismissed me or avoided me during the day, and then I would be angry again.

But today was Friday, he was coming over to my house and I would get to kiss him and everything would be awesome, even just thinking about it was giving me butterflies in my stomach.

I stood by his car in the parking lot, most of the other students had already escaped school as Jackson had to pick up some homework before he could leave.

There were only a handful of cars left now, most likely belonging to some of the teachers, the place was like a ghost town, and my eyes would constantly be watching the doors for Jackson to appear.

Finally he exited the school a caretaker locking the door behind him, "sorry, I'm so sorry" he said stuffing some papers into his backpack

"I don't care" I say smiling taking another look around the car park, "can I kiss you?" I say and I slowly reach for his paw, "there's people around" Jackson looks at me

"its dead come on" I tease but he steps back

"Jackson?"

"what if we get caught?"

"I mean..." I look around and there no-one, was Tommy right? Was this the feeling I was feeling when I knew he would never be out, was he just like Eric, how far had Eric and Tommy gone, had they fucked?

"why wont you kiss me?" i ask genuinely not knowing what the problem was,

"we can kiss at your house" Jackson says fumbling with his car keys

"I cant do this" I said taking a step back myself, "Sam?" Jackson says looking concerned, "heck knows I fucking really like you, but I can't do this" my eyes well up and I my voice breaks, "its fine, we can kiss when we get to yours" he says like it's nothing

"its not fine Jackson, I don't want my boyfriend to be scared to be near me, I don't want to act a different person when im around his friends, I get you need time, but it feels like .... It feels like you don't want to and we're not even together"

"I do, its complicated, Sam please"

In my head he would reach out for me, grab my hand, do something, anything, friends would even hug and he couldn't, he wouldn't, he wont, he can't ... he wont.

"we're in different places" I wipe my cheek, still unable to stop myself crying, "you need to figure some things out, but I cant go back in the closest, I cant do it"

"what are you saying Sam?"

"I think we need time apart, its like I have a boyfriend but only when were alone, at school, you're barely my friend anymore, and I cant do it"

"Sam no please, I really like you"

"and that makes it harder, but you must know we cant go on like this, I don't want to be the one to force you out the closet either, but when your ready, ill be here"

"what do you mean Sam" and I can see his eyes get glassy too, "I mean ill wait, as long as it takes, but I can be in this Jekyll and Hyde relationship with my boyfriend, I can feel myself falling for you, and I cant do it, not like this, not like its some secret"

Jacksons eyes watch me like he's trying to say something but he cant quite find the words, "I have to go" I say turning around, "Sam no" and I can hear him cry, and it breaks my heart to hear him but I also know he wont follow me, after all someone may see us, and i was right, he didn't follow me, by boyfriend would have followed me...

I decided to walk home instead taking the back streets away from the busy traffic, after contemplating getting onto the bus, I decided I couldn't looking the way I did, and it took me a good hour to even resemble a normal person again.

I caught my reflection in a passing shop window, my eyes red, I looked a mess, I pulled out my phone and there was 8 missed calls from Jackson and 2 from my mom, shit I was late and I hadn't said anything.

I opened the messages and just deleted the notifications from Jacksons, I didn't want to read them, he had told me everything I needed to know already by not following me.

'where the hell are you' my mom put in her latest text, 'I'm fine, just going to be a little late'

The phone lights up with my moms number, I ignore it and text her again, 'please mom I promise I'm ok, ill be home soon'

'is everything ok?'

'ill talk to you later, I promise' I text back and she doesn't respond although I know she will be pacing up and down the kitchen all night.

I just needed to talk to someone who would understand, I hovered over the contact for Tommy, wondering if I should call him, I put my phone away again.

A moment later I got my phone back out and went back into my contacts, instead this time I hit Ella.

The phone rang, and contemplated hanging up but Ella picked up on the second ring, "whats up dork?"

"are you free?" I say, the pain still clear on my voice, "where the heck are you, don't move, I'm on my way"

I shared my location with her and within 10 minutes a car comes squealing around the corner and Ella swings the door open to me, "what the heck happened" she asks scooping me into a hug, and then it all comes out.

I tell her about my birthday the day Jackson and i kissed, I tell her that I don't know what to do, and that Jackson is so far in the closet that it was killing me, "and the worst part about it all was I couldn't tell anyone" I say

"I wont tell anyone I swear" she says hugging me tight, "why didn't you just say something though?"

"I didn't want to out him, and now I feel I've betrayed him" I sobbed

"but I wont tell anyone"

"I know" I say nodding but it was still Jacksons story to tell not mine.