"The things you went through doesn't define you but the strength it took to be where you are now does."
He didn't say anything but immediately pulled me into a hug, my hands grazing over the scars on his back.
...
"Wake up!" I shouted and jumped onto Sirius who was still dead asleep.
He groaned and tried to shove me off him but I just hugged his body tighter.
"Get up sleepy head." I laughed.
Suddenly his hand wrapped around me and pulled me off him.
He tugged me closer to his chest almost completely laying over me.
"Stop squirming and go to sleep." He grumbled, his voice deep.
"You're suffocating me!" I muffled out as his chest rumbled with a laugh.
"Good." He grumbled and continued suffocating me for a few seconds before he let me go and got out of his bed.
...
I stare at the mirror infront of me, observing myself.
I've always held hatred towards myself, not because of insecurities but because of the burdens I've caused my family.
If it weren't for me, my brothers would have never been motherless.
I was the reason our mother was killed.
I didn't necessarily murder her but she was murdered because of me.
My brothers has never told me the reasoning for why she was killed.
But I know.
I've overheard their conversations and in every conversation that I've heard I felt guilty.
I've taken a mother away from her son's.
Nobody has ever blamed me but I blame myself.
There's not a day where I don't wish that my mother would be here with me.
With us.
Would the world be different if I had her with me?
I can only ever wonder, never experience.
But I think it would.
I thought today would be a good day, a day where I simply am at peace and not haunted by myself.
But I wasn't going to avoid it. I wasn't going to avoid my feelings or emotions.
I was going to feel every bit of emotion within me.
Not only do I mourn my mother but I mourn the life she could of had, the life my brothers and I could of had.
All the dreams and hopes that I've snatched from her will forever ache my heart.
I have no memory of her but the photographs are enough for me to hold dearly.
I hadn't realized that I was zoned out until a gentle hand squeezed my shoulder startling me.
My head quickly snapped to look back to see who it was and it was just Sirius.
My lips part to start lecturing him for scaring me but his face morphs into concern.
"You're crying, what's wrong?" He rushed out and wiped my cheeks.
I was so lost, I didn't even realize I was crying.
The deep concern that etched across his face caused tears to pale my eyes.
He cared for me, it was like he wanted to burn the world down seeing me cry.
I didn't deserve his kindness. I didn't.
"Hey, hey, don't cry, I've got you." He spoke, gentleness meeting his tone.
He wrapped his hands around my shoulders as he buried my face into his chest, holding me tightly.
I cried silently, the tears trailing endlessly down my dampened cheeks.
The tears slowly started to slow down.
After a few minutes of being embraced by him he finally let's me go and crouches down so we were at eye level.
"Tell me what's wrong?" He spoke softly staring at me as his hand intertwined with mine.
"I hate myself." I said, my voice hoarse.
His eyes widened, ready to debate.
"Nova," He called out, his voice still gentle, "Don't hate yourself, if you knew what you meant to others you wouldn't hate yourself."
"I'm nothing but a person." I mutter, my eyes still puffy.
"You're a person that's right, but you're a person that is the light to someone's darkness and you know who that someone is? That someone is me. You light up my world, the same world that I've only ever knew as dark." He said and caressed my hand with his thumb.
"You're smile, it's the most beautiful one I've ever seen. The only one that can take my breath away. You've done nothing but render my life back to me, so tell me how can you hate yourself for simply giving others happiness?" He continued.
My heart fluttered at the words exiting his mouth.
I've never thought about it that way. I was one-sided with myself. The hate got in the way of loving myself.
"You're right, hating myself won't fix anything." I breathed out, "Thank you." I smile as a grin reaches his lips.
"There's that beautiful smile, now if I can just ask you something." He grinned, his voice sounding a but nervous.
"What us it?" I ask, panicked.
Sirius was never nervous.
"Relax princess," He chuckled as I rolled my eyes at him. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to go on a date with me?" He smiled, the nervousness quite obvious on his face.
My soft laughed at the sight before nodding.
"I'd love to." I smiled.
"Perfect, is tonight okay?" He asked.
"That's perfect." I nodded.
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