Pencils & Polaroids

54: showdown

"The last challenge of this boot camp," Cain announces holding the corner of a black cloth veiling the whiteboard. In short order, he uncovers the board, and three letters — thick, bold, black capital letters — scream back at us. "YOU." 

He rounds the board to face all our frown-pinned faces entirely. Cain's arms fold against his chest. Under the cold winter morning, Cain looks a darker shade of brown. We're doing our theory classes outside of four walls because our challenges are no longer having the green light from the Ravenford Board. 

We were allowed to put on long coats, mufflers, boots, and gloves because we were informed we wouldn't be "running around for our lives today". Despite how simple it was (inspecting and learning about sets), the last task put the entire Ravenford team on alert mode. Given the events, I wouldn't blame them. 

"How many subjects have we touched in the last two weeks?" 

Jackson's open-ended question brings a lot of sixteen students, including myself, to scream a series of random subjects in the loudest tones. Between the chaos, I latch onto at least eleven subjects and make sure I don't repeat any of them. 

"Right. So all of you at this point must have figured out the root of where your passion for cinema arises." Cain's eyes sparkle. "Your last task is to talk, sing, dance--express, showcase, in any form as you desire, your passion for filmmaking." 

Everything just became a lot more interesting. The field was filled with the kind of calmness you only hear once you dive underwater. Everything was just blocked out. It's like Jackson Cain pressed the mute button for all of us. 

"You'll have two minutes for your presentation." It's Collin who talks this time. "You're given this entire day to prepare. The showdown will happen in the evening, where the judges won't just be Cain and me, but also Adrian Lang with a special guest." 

"I will remind you again that this is an individual task. Your last task in this camp and perhaps your last day in San Fransisco." Cain waits a moment for us to finish gasping. "Your flight tickets are scheduled for tomorrow night." Another long moment of gasping follows. "Make this challenge count because whatever you're graded from here, adds up to the final points. And based on these points, you'll get the exemption for negative markings in your scholarship exam." 

We're dispersed after a few other instructions are given out loud. Rainer gives me one sparing glance and a half-hearted smile before he finds his space on the campus—the woods. We decided to keep things outside of the bedroom strictly professional and serious. We founded ground rules which listed—we won't begin arguments, we stay ten feet away at all times, and we don't discuss or destroy ideas of each other. Two individual minds competing for one trophy. 

Because he's taken the woods, I don't wish to be anywhere near that arena. I quietly make my way to the library and hide myself in the farthest corner. My fingers lightly play with the charms on my bracelet, especially the one shaped like the sun as I try to form an outline. 

No matter how much I try, my mind keeps going back to how badly I don't want to go home yet. Two weeks went by so quickly and it feels like so much has happened since then. The last time I was in Santa Monica, I didn't have anything to lose. I was fired, clarified, and completely confident. Now, I have something to lose. I have friends who are not pre and post-period versions of Sam. I'm eighteen and I'm buzzed with feelings. 

This is a high I don't want to get off. But a part of me also fears if this is a high before the coaster comes crashing down. I can't help it, a part of me will forever expect the worst. I will forever have trust issues. I will never be able to fully let go.