Pencils & Polaroids

56: taking the fall

The walk back to our rooms was pleasant until we bumped into Collin Hunt. To his questioning eyes, we blurted that we went for a run. But when Collin ogled at my high-heeled boots, I could've just opined I could run in heels. I didn't have to actually demonstrate it. He would've believed me. The substantiation worsened the awkwardness between the three of us. 

Rainer however found it extremely hilarious. He hooted all the way from the elevator to our room doors. I wanted to be with him but because Sam and Grayson were in between a cold war, we were divided too. 

Bracing myself, I entered the room. After taking note of Sam dedicatedly packing both her suitcase and mine, I storm to the bathroom mumbling, "Hey." 

"Hi?" She sounds confused. "Where were you?" 

"The woods." I pretend to wash my cold hands in hot water. 

"With?" I pretended I didn't hear it and ran the faucet with higher force. "WITH?" 

I can't ignore that scream. "You know who." 

"What happened?" 

Taking the face wash, I begin to clense my face. It's funny how the transition from 'You Know Who' happened to 'You Know Who' in three quarters of Senior Year. I feel her footsteps nearing the bathroom door. I quickly rub the face wash over my eyes and drag time by massaging my cheeks in slow circular motions. 

"Park?" I hum once and then I continue that hum to the tune of the song Infinity by Jaymes Young. 

She waits until I've washed my face completely. Oh, God, I don't want to open my eyes. Dabbing the towel gently over my eyes, I stare at myself in the mirror, hoping she would've left. 

No. She's still in the doorway. 

"Park?" I hum again. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you." 

"And I'm trying to subtly avoid it." 

She groans. "Are you in love?" 

Four words. She didn't beat around any bush. She gave it to me straight and I wanted to scream inside the towel I was covering my mouth with. 

I slowly bring the towel down and continue staring at myself. "No, I'm in the bathroom." 

She enters the bathroom and bangs the door shut behind her. I shiver at the sound. Leaning against the closed frame, she eyes me with a look that clearly translates into 'Don't force me to repeat that question' and I take the hint. 

Letting out a breath, I close the toilet seat fully and sit on it. I press my fingers to my eyes and hope to form the appropriate answer that's neither a no nor a yes. How can a question that simple be so hard to answer? It shouldn't be. By now, I should've matured at least a little. I should be able to say it out. 

By the time I drag my hands down, tears follow the track. "Park," Sam whines as she comes closer to me. 

I turn to her. "Is something wrong with me?" 

Her expressions change from doe eyes to red sirens. "No. Did that idiot say something was wrong with you? Did he hurt you?" I shake my head. "You can tell me, Park. I will handle it." 

Between tears, she manages to get a smile out of me. "That idiot just confessed he was in--he was falling in--" I bite the inside of my cheeks. "I can't even say it. He just gave a long ass speech about his feelings. He expresses everything so well. He says it flawlessly, like a dialogue in a script of some sappy movie and I can't even say the damn word in third person pov." 

"He told you he was in love with you?" Sam kneels beside me. Holding my head in my hands, I nod. "Wow, I didn't expect that." 

"Makes two of us." I lie. I knew it from before. I just hadn't heard him say it.