Spin The Bottle

21: If This Is It

I think it's high time you guys had some Noah in your life ;)

Hope you like it !!!

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You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it's all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things that you do; not knowing the purpose. It's like when you're little and you touch the stove and get burned, because you didn't really know that it was hot. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the very beginning.

"Emma?" I looked up at Ashlyn, who was giving me a 'what the hell' look. "What are you doing sitting here? I have been looking for you everywhere!" I sobbed and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't even bother hiding the fact that I was crying. Its not like she'd care.

There is no telling how long I was sitting here. After with what happened with Jake, I just wanted to be alone. So I came and sat down beside her car, in the parking lot. But I made sure it was on the side AWAY from school. So no one would see me.

She bent down and looked at me questioningly. "Are... Are you okay?" I bit my bottom lip and looked away from her.

"I'm..." I started to say the I was fine, but then stopped. No one would believe that. "Are you finish?"

"Emma, what is wrong with you?" She asked demandingly and I gave her a look.

"Nothing! Is it time to go?"

"Emma. If somebody did something to you, you better tell me right now!" I scoffed and looked at her.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't!" She shot and I sighed.

"Good! It's been a really messed up week, and a two year long rough day. So can we go now?" She stared at me for a while, then stood up sighing.

"Fine. Don't tell me." And with that she walked around, getting in the car. I stood up slowly, whipping the tears away from my face.

I buckled up and sighed as she drove off. Ashlyn looked slightly upset, so I just stared out the window, to avoid looking at her. I watched the trees as they passed by. All I could think about was how lucky they are that they aren't people.

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well thats how I feel right now. I feel like I'm facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile. Like no matter what I do or say nothing will ever be right. I really and truly hate this feeling.

Ashlyn stopped the car in front of the driveway. She looked over at me and sighed. "Are you about to give me a life lesson?" I asked in all seriousness, and she half scoffed and half laughed.

"I'm not your mother Emma."

"Oh." I said briefly and she rolled her eyes. I looked down at my feet and sighed.

"But I will tell you this," She started and I looked up at her again. "you can talk to me you know. I mean, I don't really like you. But... I'm a good listener." She laughed softly and I smiled. "But only here. Not at school." She added quickly, and I shook my head chuckling slightly.

That's when I realized, that I had no one to talk too. Not Hazel, not Beth. I mean she could be a good advice giver IF she wasn't always with her boyfriend or arguing with Hazel on a daily basis.

I mean, I've got my parents, but that only goes so far. In the end there's no one. No one to talk to. Nobody that I can just depend on. That used to be Noah. I think he is the reason I never had friends. Because the way I used to see things was; if I had him, I didn't need anyone else. So I built this castle wall around the two of us. Until one day. It wasn't just the two of us. He started to include people. And that's when the walls began to fall.