Love Always, Ella

Chapter Eleven

Ella

September 12th, 2018.

Christian,

I think back to all of the things you did to me and feel ashamed that I ever fell for you in the first place. You wanted to make it seem like you were this incredible guy, and for a brief period of time I believed you. I genuinely thought you had good intentions for me. I didn't realize that being hidden was normal. I didn't realize that every time you deliberately didn't want me to go places with you that I looked at myself a little different each time.

I was so hurt that I became a different person because of you. I got so depressed to the point that I did things I swore I never would. I wanted to try and figure out why you hurt me the way you did, so I tried to hurt others the same way you hurt me. I cried almost every night feeling like I was worthless, I tried to come to terms with the fact that I gave almost a year of my time to someone who threw it away like it was nothing for someone else.

You may not care, you may not even remember me, but I remember every single thing that you did to me. I remember every single ounce of pain that you made me feel. I don't think you realize just how much you fucked my head up. You don't realize just how ugly you made me feel. You don't realize how much you changed me.

Sometimes I hope that a part of you does realize how much you hurt me. I hope that somewhere, deep down, you know never to do this to someone else again. I hope you understand that the hurt you cast upon someone can have a long-lasting impact. I hope you are a kinder person to others than you were to me.

Please don't hurt anyone else.

_______

Patrick brought flowers. A whole arrangement actually with sunflowers, lilies and roses. I was expecting him not to show up and to prove me right. I expected him to prove that he was just playing with me all along, but here he is in a white button down dress shirt with flowers. He actually brought me flowers.

I wish I could say that I feel self-conscious tonight, but when I make eye contact with him he just smiles and makes me feel so beautiful. For a moment there he looks like he's going to kiss me again, and I want that more than anything, but then my grandma appears at the door, my grandpa not far behind as her eyes light up with excitement when she sees the extravagant bouquet he has gotten me. That's when I realize I still haven't said thank you.

"This is really pretty." I decide to say. "Thank you so much Patrick."

My body feels numb and kind of like I'm on cloud nine or something when he greets my grandma with a kiss on the cheek and my grandpa with a strong handshake. He's everything I've always wanted. He's kind, smart, polite, confident, charming, and just everything I've been looking for. I can tell my grandparents approve because my grandpa sends me one of those awful winks.

Back when I was around nine he sat me down once at a family Christmas party and told me, Ells, you can always tell how good of a man he is by the handshake and the eye contact. If he can't shake a hand with confidence or look you in the eye then he's classified as a coward, Ells. You don't need a coward.

I don't have a coward. I have Patrick Connelly, and he is far from a coward.

"It's so nice to finally meet you!" My grandma exclaims as she wraps him in the worlds tightest hug. "Ella told me so much about you last night I thought my ears would fall off."