Love Always, Ella

Chapter Twenty-Two

Ella

November 2nd, 2017.

I hope in the future everyone can learn to speak up for themselves. Like, if you happen to be interested in a nerd at school that everyone makes fun of, or if it does happen to be an overweight person that you like, I hope you can speak up for yourself and eventually let yourself be happy. What kind of a life are you living if you're doing what everyone else wants you to do instead of what you actually want for yourself?

I'm not saying that everyone is like this, because you can't help who you're attracted to. I understand that some people are turned off by someone with a couple extra pounds, and if that's how you feel then that's completely fine. I'm stressing this message to the individuals who are genuinely interested in girls with curves but are afraid about what other people will think.

Maybe my journal will eventually turn into something huge if I can actually get the courage up to let others read it. Maybe my words and my unspoken thoughts will impact others and eventually make the world a little better. Even if my writing was to change one person's life I would be satisfied. All it takes is one person to start a change reaction, and if my writing and my thoughts can be the start of one then so be it.

Hopefully I'll change the world, and hopefully in ten years from now this society will be different. Instead of seeing thin girls in movies as the leading actresses you'll see a curvy one. Not to say a thin girl isn't beautiful or doesn't fit the part, but I just want there to at least be a mixture. I want to see a curvy woman modeling clothing that isn't just for plus sizes. I want to see a plus-sized woman be a leading actress in a romance film, not just a comedy. I want to see women be appreciated and loved for their curves, not just tolerated.

Hopefully if someone ever reads all of these jumbled thoughts throughout these entries it changes how they look at life a little bit. I want a generation that loves others for who they are as a person. A generation that accepts beauty in every shape and size.

I want a generation that convinces others that they are beautiful even when their thoughts want them to think otherwise.

__________

Originally when I thought about giving someone my journal to read for the first time I thought I'd be a lot older. Never in a million years did I expect to fall in love with someone at eighteen, but I've been holding the journal in my hands for about an hour now, finally coming to the conclusion that Patrick Connelly is who I want to give it to.

I want Patrick to read the first entry because he deserves it. He deserves to know that he's the one I'm choosing. Nobody has ever read my writing before, but he seems to be the perfect person to start with. I just can't wait to give it to him. I honestly can't.

"Patrick!" I exclaim when I pick up the phone. "Can we meet a little earlier tonight? I have something to-"

"El." He groans, his voice sounding weak, nothing like it usually does. "I think I'm gonna have to cancel tonight. I was up all night throwing up. I don't know if it's a virus or something, but I really don't feel good."

"Oh." I say quickly, trying to hide my disappointment. "That's okay. Just rest and get better."

"I'd have you come over, but I don't want to get you sick too. That's the last thing you need."

"Hey, it's fine. Get better so I can see you, alright? I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too."

When the phone line goes dead I try to ignore the aching feeling in my heart because we only have two weeks left until I have to leave, and that means another six hours or so that I can't spend with him. I know he doesn't want to get me sick, but I will gladly get whatever flu he's got if it means that I'll get to spend extra time with him. Plus, what better than to lie in bed with Patrick all day and watch movies?