Faded Memories

Chapter 39

The night was running away from me and I still hadn't found a good enough opportunity to find help. I felt like I was failing Jamie, Joe would have definitely found help by now.

Then again, Joe would have never gotten himself in this situation. I was just stupid.

The only good thing, not that I'm thankful to be in this situation at all, is my brother. His silly foster family would never let me see him as long as they lived, they had a burning passion towards me that they made very clearly obvious. By the time Jamie would have been old enough to make his own decisions, he probably would have forgotten about me.

All the memories of me would have been haunted, tainted by his new fantastic life. Not by the sister who had both of his parents killed, who had his life stripped away from him with no choice. Who pushed his older brother to move far away. I cherish the moments where Jamie is young, where he has no idea what my silly mistakes have created for this family.

I smiled fondly at him, hoping that he could stay this happy forever. He was laughing wildly as he bumped his car into all the other children's frantically, most likely happy to be allowed to be slightly naughty (if hitting a fake car into another fake car can be classed as naughty) for once in his life.

I was happy to make new memories like this with him, forcing myself to not let them be haunted by the monster standing beside me. This moment right here, this was the motivation that I needed to get us freed tonight.

Jamie wouldn't live a life filled with anymore sadness or confusion. I wouldn't let him.

"Ry," I teased, inwardly gagging at the nickname that I used to call him so fondly. "Do you think after this we could go and get some food?"

My smile stayed glued wide, not even faltering when I watched him do a double take on the nickname. I watched as his eyes found mine, a sort of hope flashing inside them - hope that I would never let come alive. He truly loved me, so even the slightest hint that I had slipped up with a nickname - would show him that I somewhere, deep, deep down inside... loved him back.

And you know what? I probably did. The young, foolish version of myself most likely did still love him. After all, he was my first love. My first kiss. My first everything. And you never lose the love for your firsts, not really. So yeah, maybe part of me did still love him. But I wasn't that part of myself anymore.

I was older and hopefully wiser, definitely still as foolish, but more confident and... more free. I was finally finding myself. Finding the people that brought out the best version of myself. A version I never even knew existed. And tonight I was going to fight for that version. I was going to fight for those people in that little town that made me feel slightly giddy inside thinking about.

The little town that was my dad's home.

"Sure. Burger or chicken?"

"Oo, that's a hard one." It definitely wasn't, I would always choose burger over chicken - but, I would flatter those stupid little eyelashes of mine at the boy who loved me and act like I was playing with him. "Burger?"

We got chicken.

I hated him. He knew that I was faking the 'Ry', or he was testing me at least. Chicken, stupid chicken. I would always and I mean always go for a big, fat burger over tiny little chicken. At least Jamie over there was happy, munching on his chicken nuggets and chips on the seat opposite me.

Because that was another rule on this stupid adventure out for us, I wasn't allowed to sit next to Jamie in public spaces. I had to sit next to Ryan, in case I ran. Fair enough, but as if I would run with him sitting anywhere close. No, I needed to do it when he was as distracted as I could possibly get him.