The lonely wolf [bxb]

Thinking about the past

(Elias)

I was standing outside after my talk with Lilliana, taking in the day, as it was calm and nice here. The sun was out, and it allowed everyone to be outside just to enjoy the beautiful day that left nothing but a clear view I seem to enjoy the most.

Even though I was by myself, I was smiling. I never thought this would happen, but it did, and I found myself liking It more than anything in the world. I had agreed with what Lilliana had said, that I needed to see a therapist, but would that help me? I don't know. But I will try and see where it takes me.

'Hey guess who's back?' my smile became wide as I heard the one voice I've missed dearly. That one voice that kept me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart.

'Forest! Gosh, I'm so happy to hear your voice again, you have no idea how much I've struggled this past few weeks without you.' Forest sighed, promising to never leave me once more. I guess the reason he's back was that he heard my thoughts before.

I was drowning. Heading back to my lonely place where I felt more comfortable. Knowing him, he would want to blame himself for my never ending depression that seems to go on and on.

Forest was always present whenever I felt this way, he would want to take all the burden as his own just to make sure I was ok. I couldn't do that to him, though, it would be wrong for me to always count on him when I should be more mature than this.

But how do I forget all that has happened to me? How do I put the past behind me, knowing that I kept on reliving it in the form of a nightmare? Every night since my arrival here, I've dreamt about that day.

That faithful day when Forest went back, determined to get our parents to love us once more. It never happened, and I was left to deal with this fucked up situation I was in.

I would rather not be a victim anymore, but how do I forget when I've been trying and nothing seems to be working? I still remembered it all, that day when it went down the drain. I was watching it when forest ran towards our home.

With a determination, I've never seen before. I saw our parents standing there with a child, that child looked a lot like me. Maybe, he was my sibling.

A newfound joy took over, finally happy that my parents were able to try once more and succeed. Forest and I went back hoping, no praying, that they would accept us once more, but that wasn't our fate.

My father ordered some warriors, warriors who I've trained alongside. They all looked at me with pity, I could see how hesitant they were, but they couldn't go against my father. To do so, they would be kicked out of the pack, and they were too proud to be labeled as a rogue.

My father ordered them to hold me down, well, forest since I was in my wolf form, and took out his knife. A knife he once showed me that would be passed down to me as it was done to him. He grabbed Forest's tongue and placed the cold metal against it. I could hear the whimpers as his tongue was being severed from his mouth. My mother laughed as my father carried out his disgusting act. 

I thought that they would stop there, but no, dad ordered the warriors to beat the hell out of me. To use any weapons, they had on me because I deserved it for being worthless, and maybe I did. Perhaps I deserved it because I wasn't going to be who my parents thought I was going to be. I was a disappointment to them, and it's something that I have come to believe.

When the beating stopped, I was placed in a cellar in the dungeon as I was injected with wolfs bane. Goddess knows how I've even survived after that. What I don't get though was the fact that it was Forest who lost his tongue, but when I shifted, I lost mine as well. Maybe it was because we are one, so if something happens to one, it will always affect the other.

'Your mind is straying again, Elias.' Forest said after I didn't say anything. He hated it when I was sad, and right now, I was fucking unhappy. I couldn't talk, I was barely gaining the weight back that I'd lost before.

The point is I wasn't happy here, I'm not being ungrateful. No, I'm not. Lilliana had helped me a lot, making sure I was getting the best care there is.

She bought me new clothes, my hair had been cut, and I was fed. I had a nice warm bed to sleep in, so why the fuck was my mind straying? Why the fuck was my mind on my parents when they were the cause of my misfortune?

'You know, ever since we got here, we haven't thought about our mate.' Forest said, taking my mind away from my parents and to the other person who hated my very existence. I hated myself too, so he was welcome to get in line.

'You're right, he's irrelevant at this point. I have no mate, for all I know. The only thing I can do though is accept his rejection, so I can move on. He doesn't want me, so why should I waste my time on him? I have a second chance, mate out there. Even though I'm uncertain if he or she would want me, but I can't just waste my time on one person.' Forest hums, feeling proud of me. I haven't thought about my mate, the one person who Selene mistakenly paired me with. He didn't deserve my time, that I can guarantee.

'Ok let's cut this sad bullshit. Our lives have been nothing but a rollercoaster ever since we have been kicked out of the pack. We should be focusing on ourselves, trying to get stronger. Not wasting our precious time on people who don't like us. I'm here for you, Elias . At the end of the day, we have each other. But we also have people here who are willing to help us, who have been doing so since the moment we were brought here. So why don't we try? Try to better ourselves. We can do this, but all you need is a little push in the right direction for that to happen. I love you Elias, please remember that and when you require me, I'm always here for you.'  There he goes again, Forest always knew when to say the right things.

'I love you too Forest, thank you for always being there for me.' with that out of the way, I was left to clear my mind as the sound of laughter and wolves howling in the distance presented a new meaning of life to me, one that I didn't know truly existed before now.