Dark Like Me

17~Confession

I walk into the kitchen, not ready for what I am about to tell my father. I hope that once I tell him everything will be okay. He looks up at me from his coffee and newspaper.

 "Sirrah," He acknowledges me with a smile.

"There is something I really need to talk to you about," I tell him meekly, sweat rolls down my sides from under my arms.

A concerned look blankets his face as he sits down and folds his paper to the side of him. I take a deep breath to relax and sit adjacent from my father.

"For a very long time, I have been teased and bullied because of my skin color. I have been called every slave name and made the butt of everyone's joke. Even by people who I thought were my friends. Ever since I was about..." I look up at the ceiling trying to remember, "6 or 7 years old. I was bullied for being too dark. People would pretend to not see me when the teacher cut the lights out for a movie. Others would purposely exclude me from any games they were playing." I look to the side as my heart beats out of my chest hoping he believes me.

Tears begin to swell into my eyes as the pain of the years spill out of my mouth. The same words that I swore to myself to never tell. I swore that I would keep my mouth shut and just wish the insults away. I am telling my father my pain. "I got into some trouble last Friday."

"What happened?" His voice is full of anger. "What kind of trouble?"

I am not sure if the anger in his tone is directed at me but it really scares me a lot. I have never heard him so mad.

"At school on Friday or so at lunch, Alchemy was shouting in my face because of what some boy said. Basically, I told him to leave Alchemy for me. Which was an utter and complete lie. Sydnie could even tell you, but she was not trying to hear what I had to say. She called me every name in the book pertaining to my skin tone. She was supposed to be my friend, daddy." Tears are now smoothly and slowly racing down my face. I play with my fingers and hope that I can get this conversation over with before someone wakes up and hears. Like Nick, who would have more ammo to use against me.

"She slapped me once and I let it go. But, when she was about to hit me again and I panicked." My heart races. "I punched her causing her to fall over the lunch line railing." I cover my eyes and cry, then shout, "She was supposed to be my friend, daddy. My friend." I am now crying hysterically.

I can feel his arms wrapping around me into a hug.

 I cry and keep saying, "she was supposed to be my friend." 

He is rocking me and hushing me in a soothing yet calm manner.

After what seemed like hours but was only minutes of me crying and repeating 'she was supposed to be my friend'. I did calm down and dad made me some tea to calm my nerves for the day. Chamomile; my favorite. I also finish telling him the rest of what happened.

"I am sorry that all of that happened to you, Sirrah. I had no idea. How come you didn't come to me about this before?" He asks me.

"I was scared that you might not have believed me. Or that you would have told me to 'suck it up' or something that is not comforting." I tell him.

"Sweetie, I would have never said those things to you and I would have believed you. I would have done something about it as well if I knew."

I smile a little relieved about that. But, there is nothing he can do now but be supportive and help me through the times that I am going through now.

"What is your choice? I am sure you do not want to be suspended from your clubs or anything like that. Especially suspended from school for defending yourself." He says bringing me the hot teacup.

"No, I do not want that. However, what I am worried about is what is going to happen to Alchemy." I take the teacup in my hands, the warmth is soothing. "Even though she treated me horribly, I still want her to be happy."

He sits back down and we look at the clock; 5:23 am.

 "Well, YG courts will have to figure that out. As far as the people making fun of you, you have to learn how to stand up for yourself, Sirrah. You can't let people run you over because then you'd be an official welcome mat and I do not want to see that happen to you or any of your siblings."

I love these pep talks from my dad; they always help me when I need them the most. From teasing to hair tips, my dad is the best.

"Did you used to get picked on?" I did spill my guts to my dad about everything right down to Andy spending the night. I did skip the part about me having a crush on Cole. I figured I would save that one for my mom when the time comes that I am truly sure I really like him.

"Oh yeah, worse than you did." He admits sipping his coffee.

I am shocked; I always thought he demanded respect all the time. I guess I was wrong about that.

"I used to get beat up and all of that stuff because I was very pale, like a pasty white ghost and I was a skinny little thing." He chuckles to himself remembering the old days.

"How did you get it to stop? Or when did it all stop?" I ask sipping my tea and listening to my father intently.

"Hmm, I was about your age maybe a little older. My usual bullies were at it again with the insults and tripping me in the hallway. At lunchtime, one of them stole my lunch money, so I could not eat and that is when I had finally had enough. He was in my face, poking my chest, spitting at me while he spoke. They thought just because I was dark and skinny that I did not know how to fight. Back then I use to able to lift over my weight." He shrugs getting back to the story, "I snapped and jumped on him. I beat him to a pulp and there was blood everywhere. That was that."

"You didn't get into trouble?" I ask intrigued and wide-eyed at my dad's violence; by the story.

He chuckles, "Oh did I. My dad and my mom along with my aunties and grandma lectured me. My dad did want to beat the living daylights out of me." 

He chuckles again, "But, I had a good enough reason for him not to. And I had to go to the Principal's office and explain to him and some police officers why I had beaten the boy up. They filed it as a self-defense charge. But, when I got back to school the next day, I got word that the school suspended the two boys. Then around the middle of the semester, they all of a sudden moved to another state."

I giggle at that. They must have been embarrassed to be beat up by my dad who was skinny at that time. However, for me violence has never been my thing. Not only that, but I do not know how to fight to save my life. Yes, I threw a right hook to Alchemy's face, but that was out of pure instinct.

He smiles and pinches my cheek, "That's what I like to see." He stands and grabs his hat. "Whatever you decide, I will help you through it, Sirrah. Your mother as well."

Realizing that I have to tell my mom what I had just told my father scared me more than being suspended from my clubs or school. She can be a little dramatic when it comes to her kids hurting or being hurt; just like any other mother. Wanting to protect their children. 

I tilt my head, "Dad?"

He gets up to get ready for work, "Yes?"

"Can you tell me about my birth parents?"