Between yesterday and tomorrow

Chapter 2

8am Saturday
Oh shit. Tomorrow is the day of my departure.
I wake up with a nasty hangover, tommy and some friends and I went clubbing last night, it's not my thing but it was nice having a last night enjoying Paris with them.

Today I have to check my suitcase, enjoy my last hours and tonight it's the family meal where I say goodbye and stuff.
I was woken up by my mother saying I should be more active, spend more time with her since "I'm abandoning her" according to her obviously...  she is such a red flag, ever since I was a kid she likes to attribute herself the merits of my accomplishments, every time I wanna go out she makes me feel guilty, "You just want to run away from me even though I gave you everything you needed since the day you were born, how are you planning to repay me, uh?" That's an example of what she guilts trip me with.

Anyway for my last day I want it to be good so instead of having breakfast at home I prepare myself, I wear white shirt kinda see through, with some beige cargo pants and a todbag.
I go to my favorite café near the Eiffel Tower and enjoy my cafe and croissant while sunbathing. I hear the birds chirping, I feel the soft wind wiping my worries of my face. I enjoy spending time alone I guess, the only persons I like are my siblings, a few friends from school and tommy. But even with him I can't spend all day long. With my previous boyfriends it never felt right. Or I never felt right. But Tommy is nicer and always there for me I guess...

As I enjoy my moment of solitude I see a gorgeous woman walking down the street, even though I like to look at all the passants (not in a stalker way) I never stop to look at one for a serious minute. However this time it's not the case. I look at her from head to toe and she seems perfect... I always looked at woman in the street I guess, I never thought much of it, I just find them pretty I guess.
But I do feel something looking at her maybe it's the jealousy that I'm not as pretty...?

A few hours later
I finished my only suitcase, I'm pretty proud of me for only taking one, but I do think it's overweighted... anyways I took my clothes, products, my childhood stuffed animal(it's an essential) and a picture of my siblings and I.
I don't want to bring too much memories, I'm going there to make some.

I get interrupted in my thoughts by my brother knocking in:
"Hola cariña!
-hola!
-Have you finished your stuff? How do you feel about the trip?
- Yes, I did and good...
-Tommy is really going to join you there?
-I don't know, I mean he's supposed to
-And do you feel about that?
-Well he wanted to join so-
-Yes I know all that but how do YOU feel about it?
-Good I mean he's my boyfriend so it's logical for him to come with me...
-Cariña.
-Uh?
-I know you and you're not really convincing." He comes closer and hugs me, Cruz always has been here for me, he kinda raised me better than my parents even though he's only three years older than me. He always has been my confident and I trust him with everything, he knows me really too well and why I wanna go so I think he has figured out I need to do this alone...
-You're right, I kinda don't want him to come and it doesn't mean I don't care about him it's just that I-
-Need to do this alone, I know. You need this after all those years of depression you deserve your fresh start.  I'm glad that we can talk to each other, and that we have clear communication, but you should also have this conversation with Tommy. And I know you want to do this alone but maybe I'll come visit you, because I have to live on my own too and I think I want to go away from Paris, maybe I'll go in the USA? He laughs and I do too.
-I love you angelito... and you're right I need to discuss this with him... I don't know how well this will go.
-I know, but however it will go, you're still going to San Francisco and you still have me. "
I always feel good and safe around him safer than with everybody else, he and Carmen are my true family. As we continue hugging, Carmen enters the room.
"Heyyyy no hugs without meeeeee! She joins herself with us.
-We are going to miss you Calista...
-Yeah especially me stuck here without you since you're gonna leave too Cruz..."
We have a big talk about our feelings and we each go to prepare ourselves for the dinner. They are my closest friends and the only one I talk to about my feelings, not even with Tommy I talk about how I feel.