Between yesterday and tomorrow

Chapter 3

I text Tommy to come as I finish to get ready for the diner.
Calista
You can come over babe, I'm ready.
Tommy
All right I'll be here in 20.❤️

I wore a simple black dress with a black heels and I put my hair in a bun. I wear a golden necklace along with some jewelry and a watch Cruz gave me for my 18 birthday.

Tommy enters my room and hugs me from behind. He whispers hi in my ear and kiss my neck. His hands are on my stomach and go souther, but I turn around.

"We should discuss more my stay in SF.
-What's there more to discuss, I'll join you si we will talk about it when I'm with you in a month. And for now id like to enjoy our time alone. "
He says as he drags me on to the bed and I laugh hugging him.
" no but more seriously, have you really thought about going to SF, you like París do you really want to leave here? I know it's good to be together but do you really feel like leaving your life for me, all your friends, your parents, your apartment?
- I get the feeling that you have doubts about me coming, it's either that or I'm more involved in this relationship than you, since yeah I'm ready to leave everything for you." He says all that suddenly more seriously and he gets back up looking at me with a concerned, and angry look.

"You know I care about you-
-No! I only know what you say to me! And since you don't tell often "I love you" back I am having serious doubts..."

I feel my eyes getting watery, shit. No. Not right now.
I can't stand getting yelled at even though it's my fault. When my dad yelled at me I always used to run behind Cruz, I'm not gonna be able to do that anymore since I'm going to be Thousands of kilometers away...

"So what do you have to say for yourself?
-I do care about you, I just have trouble expressing my emotions but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings toward you. I do wanna have a relationship with you. I just want to start this new adventure on my own, and learn to not rely on anyone.

-All right, no need to cry I'm sorry I yelled at you it's just not knowing what you think makes me nervous and I- I just love you and I wish you could open yourself more to me."
Since I don't know what else to say we just stay silent hugging with his hands in my hair and on my back, I guess we still have some things to say and it's not clear at what point we are... I enjoy the silence as much as I can and ten minutes later we get called to diner.

My whole family is here my grandparents, aunts and cousins...
Everybody talks to each other and everything goes well until my uncle does a speech and ends it with "why does she have to leave the country anyway ?"
At this points everybody expects for me to respond but I just stare at my plate hoping that some drama doesn't start, which fails as soon as my mother says" yeah that's quite like her, she acts but never talks, I don't know what goes on in her brain. We make a dinner and everyone comes to see you, can you at least have the descency of responding!"
I feel anger. I'm always like this the shy girl that doesn't say nor feel feel much. In reality I'm boiling inside, I always feel, maybe more than others, and right now I'm overstimulated every noise, whisper, sigh, forks hitting the plate, the dress feels too hot and itchy, my hair's on my face, I am going to explode but like always I don't I bite my cheek until I bleed. But Cruz sees me and under the table he holds my hand and looks at me with a reassuring and calm look. I breath with him and clear my voice.
"I am going away to upgrade my studies and knowledge and to be independent.
-Nonsense, you could just go to another city to do that.
-no, I will immerse my self in another lifestyle.
-And your boyfriend and your family do you think about them."
1.2.3 I inhale and exhale okay I always stay calm and shut my mouth but I am going to give him my thoughts.
- What I think about does not concern you. You should focus on getting your wife back and stop sleeping around instead of asking me questions. You question my life choices, when you don't even know how to make good ones." I said all that keeping a calm face and I take a sip of my wine while I watch my uncles face go red.

I see my grandmother opening her mouth so I prepare my self for another round.

"Dear that isn't a way to speak to your family. I thought i taught you how to be a polite and respectable young woman. You should stay here and make your life with Tommy and have kids, like a proper woman. I know that your ideas are not suitable but try to keep a decent way of speaking.

- Oh I'm sorry that my young mind and free speech bothers you grandmother. Maybe you, the example of a honorable and respectable woman of vertu, can show me the way to be a perfect little housewife. But wait oh yeah that's not possible since you skip church sometimes to play scrabble with your horny, lonely, neighbor. And allow me to say that your outfit is not appropriate a woman should never show her shoulders and legs that much. Also you-
-Enough!!!!" I look at my mom red from anger and embarrassment. I see that my brother and sister try to hold in their laughs while my grandmother is too flabbergasted to speak.
I see that my mom is about to cry ,oh shit it's gonna fall back on me, my dad hates seeing my mom crying.

"Look guys, I truly apologize I do want to have a good evening with you, I just don't want anymore questions about my life style because it is my life and my choices." After a short silence everybody tries to go back to their conversation, while I maintain an external silence and an intern storm.