Masks Always Fall

Chapter 14

The alarm woke me from fitful dreams, its shrill cry dragging me into Monday's harsh light. I lay staring at the ceiling, nausea roiling as thoughts snaked back to that awful moment in Ms. Clarke's car.

What must she think of me now? Fear gripped my stomach tight, that her patience and care could so easily fade to repulsion or pity. I didn't want to see that look in her eyes - the look that says without words "I misjudged you, you're broken after all."

I couldn't bear for her to pull away, that one sure light guiding me through bleakest nights. The idea of facing her, of seeing disgust or sadness twist her beautiful features, had bile burning my throat as tears leaked into damp hair.

Somehow I made it downstairs in a daze, barely registering Susan's concerned questions over my pallor. All through the morning haze I floated, suspended between panic attacks, dreading each step that brought me closer to the moment that could shatter my precarious world.

All because I was foolish enough to hope, to let down barriers just an instant too long.

I stared numbly into my locker, books blurring as panic ate away inside. Kayley's voice shattered my trance.

"How's my favorite lesbian?" she quipped cheerfully.

"Too soon, Kayley," I winced, slamming the door sharply. Her smile dropped at my pain.

"Sorry Em, I didn't mean..." she began, but Noah's voice cut in.

"Who's a lesbian?" She asked curiously.

My heart leaped into my throat. "No one!" I choked out, too fiercely judging by Kayley's frown.

She shot me a pointed look that said we'd talk later. For now, distraction was needed, so she dragged Noah off chatting of silly things to dispel my tightly-wound nerves.

Their voices faded but my breaths stayed shallow, head buzzing as if hornets swarmed within. How could one day decide my entire life's course? I prayed Ms. Clarke held only compassion still, not disgust... that she would not reject this fragile soul so striving to please.

The shrill bell shattered my haze of panic, and with it came the sickening lurch of my heart. This was it - the moment I'd been dreading was upon me with cruel swiftness.

My feet moved as if through deep water, each leaden step toward Ms. Clarke's class bringing me closer to judgment while dragging out the torture. Sweat slicked my palms inside tight fists, my throat constricting till each shallow gasp burned worse than the last.

What would I see writ upon her face when our eyes met? Pity, disgust... or worse yet, polite distance in that mask teachers learn to wear? I didn't know if I could stand any reaction but the care and light I'd come to crave more than breath itself.

Far too soon, yet not nearly in time, I reached the doorway. Through its narrow pane, I glimpsed her form at the front and froze - a mouse before the mesmerizing snake.

Ms. Clarke looked stunning in a black pencil skirt, its meticulously crafted lines highlighting her endlessly graceful legs, a sight that lingered in my dreams. A crisp white blouse was perfectly tucked in, emphasizing her slender waist before flowing loosely. Seeing her in a skirt was a revelation, revealing a beauty I never knew existed beneath her usual slacks.

Her fair hair was elegantly swept into a tousled high ponytail, effortlessly exuding both simplicity and sophistication. A few shorter strands framed her cheeks like golden silk threads, catching the light delicately. With heels that added just a few extra inches, she transformed from an average height to a statuesque and regal presence.

All I could do was gaze in awe and desire. I had never encountered such a breathtakingly lovely being, captivating in both form and demeanor. For a suspended moment, I forgot to breathe, fixated on the radiant vision of beauty before my astonished eyes.