Bound By Love, Torn By Loyalty

CHAPTER THREE

     Our first fight lasted at least a week. And this is excluding all the trust issues, awkwardness, and tension that carried throughout the next couple of weeks 

     We were in Year 9 in the summer. School was coming to an end in a mere 3 weeks, it was 9:00 am in the morning, the heat blazed from the sun above us and cooked us alive, but we were all mostly exhausted from the piles of schoolwork and homework. We just wanted it to be all over. I, of course, tried to stay positive and bubbly, so to end our dance curriculum I wanted to dance in front of everyone. However, my socially anxious friends dreaded the idea of being confident in front of our classmates - who, by then, we had all known for around 3 years. 

     I dragged them all to freestyle a dance. Reluctantly, they came to the front following my moves, making absolutely no effort whatsoever. I thought maybe they could do this one thing one last time. But I guess the judgement of other people mattered more. Nevertheless, we had what I thought was a fun, joyous time. But it was in fact a painted image created especially for me so it seemed like there were no imperfections. But when you look closely, you see the cracks and gaps of it. So, like any other person would, when you do see them, you pretend they aren't there. And I did.

     Whenever I get pissed I go into this frenzy where my mind blocks out everything and everyone in this world apart from the subject that makes me feel this way. I go quiet. Eerily quiet, to the point my friends asked if I'm okay. That happened all throughout the rest of the morning until I finally ate lunch. 

     And of course nothing else would make me happier than my love for music. I begged Ivy to let me borrow her airpods. She dreaded it at first, but passed it to me anyway, unwilling, but persisting. That aggravated me all the more. I pretended like I saw nothing and proceeded to blast, Bite Me, You and Me and other popular kpop songs from that time.

     Little did I know everyone was talking shit about, to my face, when I couldn't hear a thing from my daze into the kpop world. 

     Back then I never understood boundaries, I just did my own thing like it wasn't anybody's business. I carelessly and selfishly did bad things to my friends because I thought it didn't matter, I thought it wasn't a big deal, I thought they loved me so they would do absolutely anything for me.

     I thought wrong. 

     Apparently blasting music into my ears and singing aloud for the world to hear is annoying. I admit, I understand it's annoying when someone tries to sing along to a song that they have no idea what the lyrics are. I can also admit that I have no idea what I'm singing half the time myself. But when I'm having a bad day, that's all I want to do. Sometimes those days are in school. And of all days, that day had been an especially rubbish one. Nonetheless, I have done this repeatedly over the many years the six of us have been friends, and although they have told me countless times to stop, it never occurred to me that I was bothering them this much, so much so to the point they thought it was worth ignoring me for a whole week. And that isn't even the end of it.

     I had a Spanish class with Tasha and we had a cover teacher. Spanish was always the boring lesson where everyone was either half asleep, or asleep, so when we had the chance to misbehave and be lively, we took that chance. But after a tiring day with a painful warm-up lesson in dance and our lives getting ahead of us, Tasha and I had been so exhausted, the only thing we wanted to do was sleep. I chose not to sleep but she did, so I agreed not to wake her while she slept in class. Despite not intentionally waking her up, my supposed "loud mouth and screeching voice" woke her up with a pounding in her head. I thought it was talking to my other friends, trying to have fun in my free lesson, but I guess not. I should've let her sleep though. She deserved it after all. Little did I know she was going to be incredibly vexed about this situation.