Bound By Love, Torn By Loyalty

CHAPTER SIX

     I remember when I was a bubbly little nine year old who got her heart broken for the very first time. I would've never thought that this situation would end up in a complete disaster. And to this day I still don't know the full story, despite being part of it. 

     I admit, I tend to be pretty oblivious, but nothing compares to when I was an enthusiastic child, who simply wanted to enjoy the roaring adventures of life. So when valentines came around, I practically begged on my knees and wished for a guy to ask me to be his valentine. Yes, I was a dramatic child, I still am to be quite honest, but nothing else would've brought me more joy than holding hands with a boy i liked and sharing a KitKat that I bought from the corner shop down the street from school.

     As a child I wasn't very intuitive when picking men, so I laid my eyes on a random person in class and stuck with it. I made love letters about him, and daydreamed about him, and wrote his last name with my first name. Everywhere I went for a whole month was Maryam + Jacob. That was his name, Jacob.

     February 1st was when i decided to be brave and give him one of those love letters. I decorated it with red hearts and pink glitter. Frankly, I was really proud of my work.

Dear Jacob,

I love you very very much. 

I really like your hair and eyes. 

They are very pretty. 

I also like you:) 

Can you be my Valentine? 

     I was a child so, looking back, it seemed really dry and kind of sarcastic. But that's besides the point. To my surprise he actually said yes! We arranged to meet at a nearby park from where we lived. Being very lonely, as the only south-asian in my area, I have never been to this park despite - what seemed like every kid in the world - saying they go there practically daily. 

     Everyday, for the next 13 days I would giggle about him to my 2 other friends, we would sneak glances at each other during class. We said hi to each other everyday, which wasn't normal for us. I would catch him laughing with his friends while looking at me. At the time, I saw this as a cute, happy thing between us. He laughed every time he saw me and as did I. This was a good thing wasn't it?

     Wrong! So utterly, devastatingly wrong. 

     He laughed at me because he was making fun of me. I know this because I went to the park on February 14th, with my favourite light up pink shoes, and pink sweater and leggings and he wasn't there. I snuck 2 packets of crisps and chocolates from home to give to him so we could eat together while we talked. I ended up eating mine and his share of food after sitting on the bench of the stranded park for what seemed like an eternity. I got stood up. 

     I went back home sulking. My sisters asked if I had fun, and I ignored them. They didn't question it further after seeing the expression on my face. My mum asked how my day was, and in an instant I fell into her arms and cried. And that was how I got my heart broken for the very first time. 

     I went back to school after our half term, my cheeks red from shame. I walked through the doors of our classroom and immediately saw Jacob and his band of friends snickering while the teacher was speaking. My friends saw me and smiled, elated to see me after a week of not seeing each other, especially knowing I was meant to be on a date that I am going to tell them about. 

     At break I told them everything, they seemed so disappointed. They saw how miserable I looked and told me to stop being so sad and to forget about it, it wasn't a big deal, he will get karma for it, to smack him. That lit something up inside of me. Instead of being all depressed and ashamed, I turned all of that into hate and anger. 

     I waited a few hours until lunch for the perfect opportunity to get back at him. So while he was playing football with his other friends, kicking the ball up into the air like their lives depended on it, I walked up to him and punched him across the face. Wanting to seem big and tough, he shrugged it off like nothing happened, but I can see that his eyes were watering and he was stifling a pained groan. At least I didn't get in trouble from the teachers, as none of them saw it.

     Of course after that, a rumour went around that I punched him because he stood me up on Valentines. What I didn't expect was to come back into school the next day to find a memorial with flowers surrounding a picture frame with an image of Jacob. He was dead...