Teen dad (a larry stylinson fanfiction)

chapter 19 - i'll get drunk again to feel a little love

'Here's your stuff Harry,' The man said handing me a sack while i paid him. 

Drugs was never the answer i know but i just felt i needed some now just to ease the pain, and what jasmine didn't know wouldn't hurt her...i just need some drugs to cloud my mind to make me forget i would only take some i won't take that much. 

'Harry why are you doing this?' the man asked he looked a bit sympathetic towards me

'I just need it okay? why are you questioning a customer?' I spat back

'Sorry it's just i know how bad drugs are ironically and i know you have a daughter and drugs can affect the way you are with her,' 

'Listen mate if you don't shut up i'll report you to the police for your dealing going on here,' I rolled my eyes 

i walked away, i couldn't believe it had got to this but i knew i'd be a reck without it and atleast if i take some tonight i'd be able to be happy enough to look after Jasmine tommorow. 

I returned back to my apartment and i sighed and started to get nervous as i saw Lucas' mum knocking on my door.

'Ah there you are,' Lucas' mum said

i rolled my eyes what the fuck was she doing here? she probably was here just to tell me how much of a horrible father i am. 

'Where is Jasmine?' She asked crossing her arms. 

i was tired and i sounded ill and as if i was already high. 

'She's with my sister,' i said pushing her out the way so i could unlock the door. 

'Why?'

'Because she wants to see jasmine okay? god why are you so nosey?!' i shouted at her

i was too upset and fed up with life to deal with that bullshit you know?

'You are breaking i can see it in your eyes are you sure you are alright?' she said 

wow this was the first time she showed concern towards me. I saw here eyeing the sack with confusion.

'fine,' i huffed 'these are groceries,'

i was not fine at all no i was broken and i was tearing apart i felt as if what was the point of being alive? And yes i am tired but not the tired which would be healed by sleep no i am tired of life tired of breathing tired of living, sleep could never heal this tiredness.i walked in the apartment At this point i was so rough i couldn't stop crying i felt as if my insides were closign up i felt panicing and i got a sudden urge to cut myself but i didn't want to. 

I sat in the dimmly lit room and started to smoke the weed and i sat in the chair never ever feeling so lonely i felt against the battle between life and me life had beaten me up and chewed me and spat me out. I had been defeated in the crulest way. 

i looked over to the picture of Jasmine and me and i smiled she was the only one would love me unconditionally and the only one at this point she was the one keeping me alive. Louis had abandoned me for Eleanor. 

'FUCKING ELEANOR!' i shouted at the top of my lungs i threw things around, i was 100percent sure iwas going mad. 

So i just smoked some more, I felt myself getting high i felt as if i was in a bubble and i felt as if all my worries were washign away. Though my sadness was intact. I had never got high before so i vomited countless times in the toilet though that didn;t stop me i smoked some more it was numbing the pain slightly and it gave me company. 

I began to cry as i though what a bad father i had become i was never supposed to do drugs this was never the plan! Though this didn't stop me i started to get addicted and i smoked all night.