Teen dad (a larry stylinson fanfiction)

chapter 23 : the dream

i fell asleep thinking that ever since Louis left me he hardly got any hate, he was happy and full of life now remmeber what he was like while he was dating me? he hardly got out of bed now he's always happy whereas now i don't like getting out of bed. I thought to this time last year, my life was so much different i would have never dared to take drugs i thought i was better than that, i was so much happier this time last year and i feel myself ageing rapidly. My life has taken a turn for the worse within a year. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, i was afraid of the morning mostly because there would be so much drama because the world now knows i am doing drugs, i can't even imagine what Lucas' mum is thinking. Gemma would be so dissapointed, everyone would think of me as a horrendous father. I hoped morning would never come.

The nighttime is a peaceful time full of silhouettes and where everyone is resting which means everyone is in dreamland a world that they want to be in, everyone is happy everyone is calm i like the nightime it's the only time i ever am at true peace. I feel that i can't go to sleep. I was still high, when i am this high i can barely make any sense of my surroundings, i hate this feeling. I wondered around the apartment everything looked like it was moving and i went to my bathroom mirror and i could have sworn i saw Louis looking at me. 

The clocks on the wall drooped and it looked like all the numbers were moving i couldn't even see the time. I had never felt so dazed when i have been high before i guess my body is getting less tolerant to this shit. 

I felt like texting someone but i guess a high text would never be a good one so i put my phone down and rubbed my eyes i felt like i am in a bubble, why was i so paniced all of a sudden why was i feeling like crying and laughing at the same time? i felt like vomiting and shaking and screaming i had never felt the side-effects of drugs as bad as i am feeling it now. I hated this feeling i felt so adgiatted and mad i felt like i was claustaphobic and stuck in a box i wanted to break free. 

I started to walk around the apartment trying to get rid of this bubble i thought i was in, when i had to run to the bathroom to vomit a few times. What was wrong with my drug tolerance? I wiped my face, i looked at myself in the mirror. 

i looked like i have just died, honestly i look like a monster or zombie or even shrek infact. 

'beauty sleep eh?' i laughed to myself 'how come i look like shrek,'; 

no wonder noone likes me i thought. look at me 

'you are ugly,' 

'you are useless,' 

'you stink of weed 24/7' 

i said this words to myself and the worse thing was that i thought i deserved to call myself these things. I was a dying reck. I walked on the balcony for some frresh air, the cold january air was blistering cold though it seemed to not make me feel so sick but not at all did it help my highneess. 

i thought to myself as i gazed into the stars above, death must be beautiful to lie in the soft brown earth with the grass and flowers and not having to hear anything but the beauty of silence. Death must be so beautiful where time doesn't matter to have no yesterday or tommorow, to forget time and forget life, death is where there are no social labels where you aren't labelled as something and judged and embarrased and shamed for what you are, death is where everyone is equal as labels and age and what is right and wrong is a made up thing so in death they won't matter, death must be beautiful to be finally at peace

i was worried why was i thinking about death? but i wouldn't worry mysetlf becuase i wouldn't ever want to die yet i had jasmine. Though i needed to be at peace that is all i needed right now.