SPOILERS !!!!!!!
"It should've been you!" Enid yelled at me and knocked over a book case "Maggie has already gone through enough! Your useless and everyone would be better off if you were gone!" It's true, it should've been me not him.
-flashback-
Negan lined us all up and took out his bat "Lucille" and walked back and forth. I was in the middle of Glenn and Carl. He started pointing his bat at us playing Eenie meenie miny moe And he stopped at Abraham. He hit him over the head with his bat over and over again. I stared in horror unable to look away. He then walked away like nothing and started again. He kept pointing at all of us and he stopped in front of me. "You." He said. I looked him in the eyes looking as tough as I could. He raised his bat above his head but I didn't move. "No don't!" Carl yelled and he slammed down the bat.. in front of me. He bent down to where I was so we were face to face. "I like you and your big sized woman balls." He swung Lucille over his shoulder and moved to Glenn and repeatedly hit him. I leaned over to Carl crying and he moved closer putting my head to his chest. All I could see was memories flashing in my mind of fun times I had with Glenn and Abraham. Negan threw Lucille over his shoulder and Glenn's blood wiped over my face. "Well. That was fun!"
It was now morning and we were all sitting there in shock. Negans men packed up and left us all there. I was still leaning against Carl and him holding me close. Being in his embrace helped me feel better. Everyone started getting up and Carl helped me. I stumbled a little after being on my knees for so long but he helped me stand. Maggie came over and I hugged her as we both cried. After a while we pulled away and she insisted we all leave and she would make it to Hill top by herself. "No." I said "after what just happened and your state right now I'm not letting you go alone. Not right now. I will not rest until you make it to Hill top." She looked at me softly but fought back "you guys need to go home and stock u-" "no! I'm not leaving you!" I yelled. I wanted her to know how determined I was. "Fine." She said. I checked my gun for ammo and took my knife out of my sneakers and stuck it back where it was on my leg. "Come one lets go."
-back to real time-
It should've been you. Those words lingered in my head as I stared at my ceiling. I stood up and look in the mirror. It should've been you. Anger took over me and I punched the mirror. It should've been me. My knuckles were bleeding but I paid no attention to them. It should've been me. I fell on my knees sitting on the glass shards everywhere. It should've been me. Carl was banging on my door but I was too wrapped up in my feelings. "It should've been me. It should've been me. It should've been me." I kept repeating that over and over to myself, tears spilling all over my tear stained cheeks and eventually Carl got into my room. "What happened Y/N?!" I looked at him still repeating that to myself. He took my hands and looked me in the eyes. He picked me up and started going to the infirmary. I stopped. "It should've been me Carl." I said tears streaming down my face. He set me down "no it shouldn't have and it wasn't." "I'm useless to you guys. Glenn meant more to everyone than I ever will. Tears were falling from his one blue eye. "No. No your not Y/N. Your strong and take charge when my dad can't. You mean so much and so much to me. I love you Y/N and nothing will change that." He picked me up again and we got to the infirmary.
"Okay." Denise said after wrapping my knuckles and set a few ground rules. "No more punching things for a while." She gave me a look because she knew. I looked down and she dismissed us. Carl carried me back and set me down on my bed. He picked up the shards. "You never told me what happened?" "It fell." I said and he examined the shards and looked at one with blood all over it and looked at me "fell?" I chuckled and shrugged. He sighed playfully and finished. He then sat next to me on my bed. "What got to you?" He said. I turned to him. "What got to me?" I asked and he nodded. "You kept saying It should've been me. Over and over again. Who told you that?" "No one." He looked at me "Come on Y/N." "Enid." He looked at me "she told me that it should've been me who got killed that Maggie has already gone through enough that I am not worth it and everyone would be better off if I was dead." He looked hurt and laced my hand with his. We both looked at our hands and back at each other. "I'm sorry." He said and I shook my head. "She was partly right." He kissed me and pulled away. "No she wasn't. Your everything to me and that's all that matters."
